


Find You

by najaeri



Series: Iridescent [1]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life, University
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:28:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 44,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23357002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/najaeri/pseuds/najaeri
Summary: Jaejoong is a freshman from the Faculty of International Studies, his main program based in Law.Yunho is in his second year, enrolled in the Faculty of Psychology, he is interested in the human mind.Kihyun is from the Faculty of International Studies.Shownu is a freshman from Engineering.Wonho is Yunho's best friend in his second year in the Faculty of Medicine.Minhyuk is Wonho's boyfriend and Shownu's senior in Engineering. He is also in his second year.The six of them start to hold a close relationship.But what happens when love, betrayal, and lust gets in the way? What happens when their parents and close family have a secret?
Relationships: Jung Yunho & Kim Jaejoong, Jung Yunho/Kim Jaejoong, Lee Hoseok | Wonho & Lee Minhyuk, Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun
Series: Iridescent [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2046314
Comments: 19
Kudos: 32





	1. Monaka

Jaejoong was looking at the University in front of him and he had so many emotions. He was 18 - ready to start a new life in a new city. He came from Jeju Island and decided to study Law in Seoul. Most of his family was already here, but he wanted to finish his high school there before completely moving. He was very familiar with the capital, but it was different - no matter how many days he spent there, he never lived inside of it. He just came every weekend to spend time with his father while he stayed in an apartment in Jeju with his older cousin. 

And he couldn’t lie, he felt weird. He wasn’t as close to the beach anymore, there were millions of habitants and compared to Jeju, it was too big. He was used to being on a single island surrounded by water, thousands of kilometers away from the mainland. He was used to traveling by air and water to come back and forth. This time, he would stay for 4 years of his life. 

It was hard to adjust.

“Oh well,” he said to himself, a big smile covering his face. “It’s time to move on,” he finished, trying to be optimistic as he walked inside the gates.

He was greeted by the security guards, who gave him specific instructions on where to go for a subscription. One of the rules was to enroll in a club that counted towards university credits. He was thinking about it and he wanted to be on the Volleyball team. He was the captain in Jeju and although he wasn’t accepted for a scholarship since he didn’t need it, he had his awards and his student CV that showed how capable he was.

He has been enrolled in sports since he was in elementary school and hasn’t stopped ever since. He enjoyed the experience and he enjoyed the adrenaline of not knowing what to expect. He liked challenges and this sport was one of them. 

As his mind continued to think, he bowed to one of the members of the student council. He was giving pamphlets of the different activities and clubs that were present, as well as sororities. He has never been interested in those, but he remembers one of his friends in Jeju saying he wanted to join one. Unfortunately, his closest friends chose closer universities and although they still talked to each other, the communication was slipping. It was something he expected to happen.

They were so far and so focused on being someone in life that friends became a second thing. Jaejoong understood that growing up was hard and that a lot of things will continue to happen and change as he grew, but he missed his friends. The only thing he could hope for was to meet people he could share his experiences with. 

His mind continued to roam around different topics while he tried to locate a seat in the gym’s stadium. He wanted to be as far as possible from crowds - not because he hated them, but it was mostly because he was tired. He fell asleep rather easily and without any help and at any time he wanted; if the Dean was too boring, he could put his hoodie on and ignore the world until he finished talking. Jaejoong knew it was being unrespectful, but it wasn’t his fault. He hated speeches. 

And then, he found the perfect spot. He smiled to himself and began to walk towards there - which looked to others like running. He was fit and he wasn’t tired very easily. It came with years of doing sports. 

He arrived in less than 2 minutes and he sat down - a young girl beside him. She had very curly hair, something uncommon and she had darker skin. She looked mixed but he didn’t dare to ask. It might make her feel upset. She had a black beanie and was dressed in ripped jeans and a brown shirt. 

And as weird as it sounded, she was wearing sandals. It was summer, so it wasn’t weird, but he has never seen a person wearing sandals in public. He understood that fashion in South Korea was a big deal and people liked to be well-dressed.

To him, it looked that she gave two fucks - which was cool. He liked people who unfollowed rules; weird thinking for a person who was enrolled in the Faculty of International Law. 

“This is so boring,” she said in Korean, sighing immediately after. She had a heavy accent and that corroborated his train of thoughts. But he did like her accent - it sounded cute. 

“It is,” he replied to her and she turned her head around.

“Oh,” she exclaimed with a smile on her face. “Hello,” she politely said, bowing to him. Jaejoong bowed in return. 

“I hope you don’t get offended, but I do like your accent,” he said with a smile covering his face.

“Thanks,” she replied, her smile becoming bigger. “It’s always a hit and miss. Some people love it, some people hate it. The only thing I can do is speak slowly so people can understand me.” 

“Your Korean is really good,” he complimented her and she giggled.

“Thanks, but it’s not my second language either,” she confessed and he looked at her more interested in her background. “I’m half African American, half Japanese,” she confessed. “I decided to study in South Korea due to my credits. I was one of the highest in the Korean State Test and this University offered to pay my entire bachelor’s degree if I continued my Korean classes to improve it and if I worked an internship here for a year.” 

“That’s so cool,” he told her, the Dean’s voice in the background but a lot of people around were talking in whispers, just like the two of them. “So, you are in the first year?” 

“Ujum,” she responded. “I’m in the Faculty of Psychology. I will be there for two years to take the basics and in my third year, I will be enrolled in International Psychology.” 

“I am also in International, but on the Law side,” he said. “I guess we will be taking a lot of classes together.” 

“Great!” she said, a bit too excited and a bit too loud. She bit her lips in apologies, hoping they wouldn’t catch them. 

Jaejoong smiled, knowing the clubs were about to introduce themselves. “Talking about something else really quick, what club are you looking forward to being in?” 

“Writing club,” she said in a heartbeat. “I have always liked to read and write my own stories. I think it would be a great challenge.” 

“Isn’t that one of the hardest to be in?” 

“Yeah,” she replied while looking at the Dean, who was almost finishing his speech. “But I have confidence in my skills - but enough about me, where do you want to be in?” 

“Volleyball,” he said with a very confident voice. “I have played sports since I was young. Although I was selected on my own, I have my student CV along with pictures of my high school team and our championships. I am sure I will be tested, but I am prepared.” 

“You do look athletic, unlike me - all I do is eat,” she said with a small laugh and the other laughed as well. 

However, they both stopped talking when the crowd started to clap, the presidents, vice-presidents and some delegates of each club entering the big gym/stadium. They were around 70 clubs to choose from - which a lot of them had very specific rules to comply with before thinking of applying. The University was the best in the entire country and had only the best alumnus Here, class status didn’t matter but how smart and witty you were. The score you got on the entrance exam qualified you to be inside, but you had to do your best to demonstrate what you were made of.

Jaejoong liked the challenge and he was sure he would conquer - sooner or later.

A lot of prominent people were in the University - from the governor’s sons to people who worked in the private sector, but were well-known. The University offered a lot of grants, just like they did to the girl beside him, but you had to be exceptionally good. They particularly liked foreigners, but it might be because they could put their name outside of South Korea and the more people were hired in the business world, the more they achieved. It was a win-win situation that even he could see.

But then his world fell apart when the president of the Volleyball club presented himself.

“Hello, my name is Ohmke and I am the president of the Volleyball club,” he said, the girls around him dying and squealing. He was a femme fatale - he has dated a lot of girls in and out of school. He was in the third year and his hair changed colors every year along with his contact lenses - he did this to stand out, he also indicates he was far-sighted and didn’t like regular glasses. This year, he had chocolate bronze hair with deep gray-green contacts. 

Jaejoong scoffed to himself, irritated to know that he was in charge.

Out of everyone, it had to be him.

“You don’t seem very happy,” said the girl beside him. 

“I can’t lie - I am not,” was his slow but steady reply. “It will be difficult for me to enter.” 

“Why?” she asked out of curiosity. He wasn’t sure if he should tell her and he preferred not to.

Even though she seemed like a good person.

He didn’t want people to know about his status - he didn’t have his father’s last name as it was changed when he was too young to remember, which was good. 

He loved his father, he raised him alongside his grandfather. He was very proud of who he was and he carried his mother’s name in her honor, but he had to admit he used it as his advantage.

“He looks rough,” he whispered and saw her arching an eyebrow. 

“Well, he looks very famous - but I have no idea who the fuck he is with all due respect,” was all she said and Jaejoong laughed, knowing that she was the one. 

But his laughter stopped when the vice-president started to introduce himself.

“I am Yunho, I am in my second year and I am the vice-president of the Volleyball club, nice to meet you all,” he bowed, the girls going crazy with him as well.

Jaejoong smiled, his mind memorizing every single detail he could capture from where he was. He looked tall and had deep chocolate hair. He couldn’t distinguish anything else, but he was handsome.

Too handsome and that was dangerous for his heart. 

He was gay - no doubt in hiding it or denying it. Whoever, his family didn’t approve and neither did they know about his sexual orientation. He kept it hidden for a lot of reasons and he would continue to do the same until he could be by himself and be free. He only had four more years; if he coped throughout these years, he could resist four more. His country wasn’t accepting and they hated people like him, but that’s why he wanted to be a lawyer.

That’s why he wanted to study law - International law to be specific. Not only did he want to be involved in the business’ section, but he also wanted to be an advocate and speak for those who couldn’t. With the power he had and the knowledge he would acquire, he could be almost invincible.

And he thought almost because no one could be. There was always a flaw somewhere, but it was up to him to take advantage of that. 

It was going to be hard, but he would never back out. He had a goal on his mind and he would do whatever it takes to reach it.

“You were very deep in thought,” he heard the girl say to him, the gym suddenly becoming ghostly-like.

The opening ceremony has come to an end, all the clubs presented themselves and the instructions to be part of them already given.

He missed the most important part.

Jaejoong sighed in resignation.

“Don’t worry, I wrote the details out for you,” said the girl, giving him a piece of paper. “This is what you need to do to enroll in the volleyball team.” 

“Thank you,” he said with a smile on his face, taking the paper. “I know, but I better think of another club. I am sure he won’t allow me to be in.” 

“I don’t want to sound like I am the best advisor in the world or that I want to know what is happening between you two, but whatever it is - you have to try. Think about the present and then if your first plan fails, start the second.” 

“Aren’t you always supposed to have two plans instead of waiting?” he asked, but never expected her answer.

“If you do a second plan, that means you aren’t confident in the first one,” she said with a smirk on her face. “A backup plan for me is a failure. You focus too much on both and then you are a conformist. That’s something I am not. Whatever I want, I try to get. Once I tried and it’s deemed to be a no, then I move for something else. But I need to do everything in my power and demand to reach it.” 

“Sounds fair,” he said and she was right - he needed to make it happen. If somehow it didn’t, he could have a backup plan. Law was different from real life and he needed to be as confident as possible.

And her words were giving him the strength he needed.

“Thank you,” he told her with a very sincere smile covering his face.

“You are welcome,” she replied. “My name’s Nami.” 

“Jaejoong,” he responded, handing her his cell phone. “I think I would like your phone number and continue this conversation later.” 

She grabbed it and saved her number, calling from his phone to save him shortly after. “This and many others. I think we will be very good friends,” was her ending phrase while extending his hand towards him - something that looked very American in his eyes.

But he accepted her greeting, knowing that he would know a whole lot more about her in the future.


	2. Luku

A lonely boy was sitting in the University’s cafe. People were afraid of having conversations with him and he had two bodyguards around him. He was called the unapproachable and he has lived up to his name. He was in the second year and he was the loneliest student people have ever seen. He doesn’t talk to anyone and he doesn’t like to do it either. He was weird in other people’s eyes, but he didn’t care about it.

He looked very strong and had an aura that could kill anyone around him. His face was always serious and he dressed in the most expensive clothes a guy could have. His backpack was created by a famous designer for him and his tailored clothes never failed him. He was famous everywhere he went and he was well-known at the University.

But he was still lonely.

Whoever, he didn’t mind the loneliness. He liked to be alone - he liked the solitude. He didn’t like people in general and he was fine with the mentality he had. He only had two more years and he would be out.

He didn’t even need a bachelor’s - his parents’ money was more than enough, but he wanted to continue to travel the world and they would only allow him to do it if he continued his studies. That’s why he decided to enter International Studies - focusing on the major political, economic, social, and cultural issues that dominate the international agenda. He wanted to be an advisor for wealthy people like him, but he didn’t want to be in the same place. 

He wanted to be for anyone who shared his interest and the best way was to expand his knowledge. 

And he wanted to get out of South Korea as soon as he could. He hated his country and everything it was entitled to his entire life. Despite being born and raised here, he would die to be somewhere else.

He has so many traumatic memories he wanted to erase, but they were part of him. He couldn’t let them go even though it hurt him until this day.

He sighed, trying to knock out his troublesome memories and focusing on his meal. He was an extremely picky eater and the only thing he liked from the cafeteria was the sushi, which is what he usually gets when he is hungry. Most of the time, the food is delivered to him from specific restaurants and chefs, but he didn’t feel like it. He just wanted plain, bland sushi from the not-so-cheap cafeteria.

Once he finished, he stood up with his plate and went to the trash can, his bodyguards following him everywhere - except class. They had to stay outside for him to come out. 

“I want to go home,” he said and the bodyguards complied, following him towards the usual limousine car they used. The chauffeur was always ready for him - he usually waited 1-2 hours before he came. They also had a special spot in the university, but a lot of people had one as well. It was very common due to the wealth the students had. 

However, on his way there a person bumped into him. The bodyguard immediately put himself first, the second person bumping into the security guy instead of the young man.

“Watch where you are going,” said the bodyguard in a not-very-pleasant voice. The gentleman bowed a few times while the guy panicked.

The person who bumped into him was a woman.

The young man started to hyperventilate, causing the other bodyguard to carry him in a wedding style and run towards the car. The other bodyguard arched his eyebrow and left the place shortly after, following his teammate.

The lady who fell sighed and the other guy, who was with her, extended his arm to help her stand up.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just clumsy,” she said looking at her knee. She had a little scratch and it was bleedy, but it wasn’t concerning. This happened way often that she wanted to admit and it was worse when she was a child.

“Out of all people, you had to bump into Kihyun,” he said with a small smile on his face.

“He’s still handsome,” was her response. She had a crush on him ever since she met him a year ago, but it was platonic. She knew they would never be together and she was okay with it. She could admire him from afar and that was more than fine with her.

You couldn't miss what you never had. 

“I can’t believe you still like him,” he said to her friend and she just laughed it off.

“It’s hard to explain - and I am moving to the Faculty of Medicine, so it doesn’t matter, I won’t see him anymore,” she stated as a matter-of-fact and continued to walk as nothing happened.

At the same time, while that commotion happened, Shownu was eating nearby. He was a freshman in the Faculty of Engineering, which he didn’t like. His parents were very difficult people and although he loved them, their personalities crashed way too often. Sometimes, he wished he was more independent of them, but it was impossible.

With the number of connections they had, it was really hard for him to ignore. 

The fresher sighed, eating a bit more of his tasty food. 


	3. Kapitull

It was after 5 pm and the club activities were about to begin. There were a lot of lines and people asking questions back and forth. He was blessed that his line wasn’t as chaotic as other lines - like the Literature one. He felt sorry for his friend, but he hoped for her to get a space in the club. All the clubs needed to test the new members and only a handful of people would be selected. Others could either join a less crowded club or switch to a sorority. You could also decide to stay out of the clubs, but this wasn’t encouraged - this promoted alliance, friendship and extracurricular activities that looked great on a resume. 

But in his case, he didn’t care about how good it looked - he just loved the sports and wanted to participate with the University. He wanted to hear the cheers and travel within the country. He wanted to expose his talent and there was no better way of doing it than enrolling in the Volleyball club.

However, there was a big milestone in front of him. Will he be able to stand over it? Doubtful. 

He still had hope that it would change.

“Hello!” a very cheerful member of the team greeted the newcomer. “We are almost full - but we will be testing around 20 people and will have around 3 phases before selecting the final five. From those selected, three will mostly substitute players and the other two will enter our main team. We do have two other people that are our last option and because of it, they are part of other clubs and they are allowed to be on two at the same time.” 

“So, you guys are a total of 14?” asked Jaejoong, just to make sure he was hearing the most correct information. 

“Yup,” said the member. “Three of our main players were in the 4th year and they graduated. We tested our bench players but only one passed the test and is now on the main team. The other two left due to not agreeing, so we are very short. The fifth bench player is graduating this fall and they allowed us to take an additional one,” he explained but thought Jaejoong was confused by his explanation, so he asked: “I am guessing you are very familiar with the sport, right?”

Jaejoong nodded. “Here’s my CV,” he said, giving him a folder that contained pictures, articles, and websites where he could find more information about his volleyball achievements.

“Wow,” he said, immediately impressed. “You won 2nd place in the Korean High School Country Championship? And you were the captain? That is a very high achievement there.” 

Jaejoong smiled.

“I think our captain would love you to have in the team,” was all he could say, Jaejoong’s smile fading little by little.

It was like going to war without a gun. But he wanted to still fight.

“Hey, Ohmke! Come here,” he told him, interrupting his small chat with the vice president of the club, who was also the captain's assistant. 

Ohmke rolled his eyes and walked towards him. With a very saturated and low voice, he directed his words towards him. “What do you want?” 

“See this,” was the member’s words, giving him the fresher’s CV.

Ohmke simply arched his eyebrow. He knew exactly who it was. When he closed the CV in a bad attitude, his eyes clashed with the other.

But he didn’t say a word to him.

“Put him on the list, we will do the trials tomorrow,” was all he said before leaving. Jaejoong didn’t know what to expect or what to say, but he was relieved.

At least he could show them in person what he was made of.

“Well, since he said yes, please sign~”

And the fresher immediately did, putting his phone number down.

“We will see you at the trials next week!”

Jaejoong smiled and then proceeded to do a slight bow as gratitude before he left the place, knowing he had to prepare himself for the upcoming trials.

But he never saw how a certain person looked at him from afar.

“We are closed!” said the member while apologizing to other people in the line. There were too many people interested in and so little space for them. That’s why they would only choose the best ones to be part of the team. 

“Who was that?” asked the vice-captain, his brown eyes roaming on the list his teammate had on his hands.

“I don’t know his name,” he said but gave him the list as Ohmke was nowhere to be seen and the tallest was the second in command. “But he has a great CV,” he said, giving him the other piece of paper as well.

The vice-president of the club started to look through it, a bit surprised at the achievements. He was very skilled - but he had to see him in action. He has seen a lot of people who talked a lot and boasted about being great, but they lacked the passion he liked to see in the players. 

“Hmmm,” he whispered, followed by a smile on his face.

_ Kim Jaejoong _ .

+++

The volleyball player was exhausted. He went to run a couple of miles but he hasn’t done it in a couple of months. Since he was preparing and studying to get into the best university he couldn’t continue to be in the team. His last year he was mostly a bench player and helped his coach. He did participate in matches and he knew he was missed in the team, but he needed to do his best and make his grandfather and dad happy.

He smiled to himself, the sweat covering his forehead and drenching his shirt. 

He went to a small bench, where he placed his backpack with a key. He took the key out of his sports pants and opened it up, taking his cell phone out. He checked his KakaoTalk and laughed at a notification he had. 

He was in several group chats - mostly surrounding his best friends from high school and with his family. 

As his mind flew somewhere else, he received another notification.

_ Ocean Nami: I have to write a horror story within a week. I am giving up!!!!!!!!!!!! _

_ Ocean Nami: Why did they choose my weakness instead of my strength?!?!??!? _

Jaejoong laughed.

_ JayJay: Don’t you think it is a good idea? You can improve that way. _

_ Ocean Nami: I DON’T WANT TO IMPROVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE UGHHHHHHHHHHHH _

_ JayJay: How are you even considering studying Psychology? _

_ Ocean Nami: Because learning the human’s mind is powerful for my characters. _

_ JayJay: Then make your imagination wild. Do you want any song recommendations? _

_ Ocean Nami: How did you know I get inspired by songs?!?!??! _

_ JayJay: Lawyer _

_ Ocean Nami: Brooooooo, you lyingggg. You are just an 18-year-old student. _

_ JayJay: But my grandfather is a judge. _

_ Ocean Nami: Damn it _

Jaejoong laughed again.


	4. Hoofdstuk

As the week passed, Jaejoong trained hard. He has been talking a lot with Nami and she was a very good volleyball player as well, so it was better that he practiced with her instead than alone. He asked her why she did not enroll in the female team but she desisted the idea telling him that she was too lazy and preferred to read or write, but she would be always available to practice with him as he needed.

“The trials are going to be open for the University,” explained Jaejoong as they sat down in the middle of the volleyball court. “I’ll be a little nervous.” 

“It happens,” answered Nami. “I am also nervous. Tomorrow I have to turn over my story.” 

“It was really good,” he expressed with a smile. “I was very surprised and I had problems sleeping - even though I don’t believe in half of that shit.” 

“I am never confident,” she answered with a sigh. “But let’s see. I hope it is enough to enter.” 

“We will both enter,” said Jaejoong, trying to give her some strength. Even though he wasn’t sure about his outcome, he wanted to be positive.

He saw her smile and they continued their chat for a couple of more minutes until they saw a couple of other people coming to the court, playing at the half since the net was in the middle. 

“I guess that’s all for today,” said Nami, watching the girls playing basketball. “They play well.” 

“You also know basketball?” he asked her, his eyes back and forth on the ball.

“I know a couple of sports,” was her response. “But I’m not a big fan. I only tolerate football and volleyball.” 

“I see,” he replied. “You could have been a great athlete.” 

“My father wanted me to, but he pushed it so much that I became sick of it,” she continued. “It happens - when they try to make you swallow something you don’t like, you become sick and not willing to eat it anymore no matter how they want you to.” 

“Makes sense,” responded Jaejoong, watching the ball coming towards them. Nami grabbed it and waited for the person to come.

“Sorry!” said one of the girls, smiling at them and receiving the ball. 

“No problem,” replied Nami, sending it over to her.

“Oh?” she expressed, looking at the guy beside her. “Are you Jaejoong?”

The called one looked at Nami, surprised that she knew her name.

“Sorry, sorry!” she said in broken English, but the other girl knew it was very fake. However, she did not say anything about it. “You are pretty famous.” 

“Wow bro, not even a month and you are already on social media,” said Nami with a laugh. 

“Not only social media, THE social media,” she said, taking her phone out of her waist, but she was also holding the cell phone with a holster designed for players like her. She immediately went to a specific app and gave her phone to Jaejoong. He accepted it and saw pictures of him walking around the campus…

And he couldn’t believe his pictures had over 10k likes.

“That’s ridiculous,” was his response at the picture, his eyebrow arched at the title of the Instagram.

_ Love In Boy. _

“What the fuck is this?” he exclaimed out loud and Nami laughed.

“Is that Instagram for random people or just our university?” 

“Just our university,” said the newcomer with a smile on her face. “I just think it is kind of cute that I met a ‘celebrity’.” 

“Nonsense,” replied Jaejoong, giving her the phone back. “I am just a common guy.”

“With incredibly good looks,” both the girls said at the same time and then laughed at each other, high-fiving shortly after.

Jaejoong sighed, followed by a small giggle. “Stop it.” 

“What’s your name by the way?” asked the other girl while the newcomer gave the ball to the team, who weirdly looked at her for not giving the ball sooner. 

“Francheska, but my friends call me Cheska because they can’t pronounce it correctly,” she responded.

“Well, I will be able to pronounce it the correct way, not sure about this dude,” was her response.

“Absolutely not,” was Jaejoong’s truthful response. “My English is good, but not enough.” 

“We will practice then.” 

+++

The day after their encounter, they decided to go to the cafeteria to eat some lunch. They had most of the classes at the same time and although they are not in the same ones, they had the same free hours. 

“If I didn’t have the money, I would say this is expensive as shit,” said Nami and Cheska casually looked at her while she put her plate down and went to grab some other things.

“Is she this bad mouthed?” she asked Jaejoong and he simply smiled.

“Yup,” he replied. “I wonder how she will be a psychologist…” 

“Oh, she’s studying to be a psychologist?” she responded, quite surprised at his response. 

“She is in International Psychology,” was his response. “She had an amazing grade and was offered to be here, but she needs to have an internship and take extra classes.” 

“Her Korean is great,” smiled Cheska, eating a few her fried wings. “I barely know English. I was born in the United States but I came to South Korea when I was 5. I have been here most of my entire life and I have forgotten a lot of it.” 

“You don’t suck as much as me,” was his response, followed by her laugh.

“Jaejoong, did you see another picture of you?” were Nami’s words when she came back to the table, the app for Instagram opened in her cell phone. 

“Not again…” he said with a sigh, grabbing his friend’s phone.

It was him in one of the university balconies looking at nowhere in particular, his golden locks dancing with what it looked like the wind. It wasn’t something he should be worried about, but he wanted to know the person who took those mysterious pictures of him. He had to admit they looked beyond good.

“That is a really nice picture,” said Nami, taking her phone back. “They have so many cute guys! I am dying.” 

“Don’t you have a boyfriend?” asked Cheska while sipping on her cold Coke.

“Yeah, he’s in this university,” was her response with a smile on her face. “But yes. We have been together for two years.” 

“Weren’t you in Japan?” said this time a very confused Jaejoong. That math doesn't make sense.

“We were in a long-distance relationship,” was Nami’s response, scrolling down on the Instagram page. He loved her boyfriend - she really did, but she still could look at cute boys and ship them in her head.

She hoped Jaejoong wouldn’t notice since she was already shipping him with someone.

“Ohhh I see,” was his response, briefly watching Cheska nodding with her head. “I guess that you visited him from time to time.” 

“Not that often because we were both minors,” she confessed. “But we did see each other in the summer. He usually came for Spring and half of Summer break and I came here for half Christmas break. It wasn’t easy but I made it.” 

“It must have been hard,” replied Jaejoong to her story. “Being so far from a person you love and not being able to see what he is doing…” 

“I know what you mean,” was her simple response, stopping at a very familiar picture. “But you have to trust. If you don’t trust your partner, it’s useless - there is nothing you can rely on. Maybe he did things that I would be able to know, but that’s not up to me - he is the one that needs to live with the consequences if I ever know. For now, I continue to trust him just like I did when I was in Japan.”

“You sound so mature,” was Cheska’s response, finishing her Coca-Cola. 

“Since you are more familiar with his Instagram than I am,” changed Nami the conversation, showing the picture to Cheska. “Is this the volleyball player?” 

“Yes!” she exclaimed, happy to see the picture. “He is the vice-president.” 

Jaejoong peaked a bit, his cheeks slightly blushing. He noticed his change, but he knew the others would not know how he felt inside.

Was it love at first sight? He wasn’t sure, but ever since he saw the dark, well-robust guy from the bleaches he was sitting at, he was taken away. And for the first time, he didn’t only wish to be in the team because he loved the sport, but also because of him. 

He wanted to see him.

“What’s his name?” she asked all of a sudden, her eyes briefly looking at Jaejoong.

“Yunho,” answered the basketball player. “His name is Jung Yunho. He’s in his second year in the faculty of Psychology.”

“That means I’ll be seeing him often,” said Nami out loud, but it wasn’t because she was interested in him - but because that was the same person he shipped Jaejoong with.

“Aren’t you in International?” asked Cheska.

“Yes but we still have to take the same credits,” were Nami’s words. 

“But… you are in International?”

Nami rolled her eyes. “This isn’t going anywhere.” 

“I don’t get it?” said Cheska between a question and a reality.

“Never mind,” was all she could say, knowing she wouldn’t be able to explain in a way that the other could understand.

“What are you guys doing in the afternoon?” asked Jaejoong, knowing it was almost time to go to his next class. “Today is the preliminary and I was wondering if you guys could go to cheer me up.” 

“Absolutely!” said Nami while Cheska nodded. 


	5. Chapitre

Jaejoong wasn’t only nervous but was a mess inside. He was in the stadium surrounded by around 20 people - not including the actual University team. They haven’t arrived yet, but he knew they would be there anytime soon. He only knew that the trials would begin today, but not a lot of details were given. 

It also made him more anxious that there were so many people waiting for the trials to begin. The stadium wasn’t completely filled up, but there were plenty of people either cheering for their favorite player or looking at the eye-candy…

Which reminded him of that Instagram. 

He didn’t like it because he thought it was a waste of time, but he also thought it wasn’t a bad idea either.

He could watch pictures of Yunho. He had the most likes and favorites. He also discovered that he had his fan club and was heavily looked upon. Not only was he a good player and the vice-president of the club, but he was also a very good student and was polite to everyone. He earned respect and was seen as an admirable fellow. 

And Jaejoong smiled.

“Ugh, I am acting like a teenager…” he said to himself, but then realized he was still a teenager.

God damn it.

He was forced to abandon his thoughts when he heard very loud cheers coming from the bleachers. The Volleyball Team was coming in all its grace. The president was in front, followed by the vice-president and the other players. While every department has its own team of 6 to do friendly matches and to promote, this is the team that represents the university. And he wanted to be in it.

Jaejoong smiled nervously, watching the team stopping at the center of the stadium, the cheers calming down.

“Hello, everyone,” was his greeting, knowing some of the girls and even boys died inside. “We will conduct the trails today. We decided that randomly, we would assign people to act in duos, pretty much like Beach Volleyball - this is for us to check their individual skills. From the 20 of you, 12 will be chosen and we will randomly assign the people to either team 1 and team 2 to compete against each other next week. The winning team will go against our 6 best players and the best 2 chosen by them and the rest of the team will be in the main rooster. The other three will still be part of the university team but will act as bench players. As we all know, we do not focus on who’s the best player, but we rather switch depending on the capacities of our challenger. This will be mostly for the club to receive funds and that is why we categorize it this way.” 

“Any questions?” were the final instructions of the president, looking around for any hands among the challengers. 

Shortly after, he smirked - no one had questions.

That was a bad signal, but he didn’t care. He would only choose the best people and he would make sure _that light chocolate with fake gray-green contacts_ doesn’t enter his team. 

Over his dead body.

But thoughts aside, he stepped back - allowing his vice-president to take charge. He was the one with the highest vote and the best player in the team hands down. They clashed a lot - their lifestyles, decisions, and techniques were completely different. He wanted another person, but he knew that was impossible. They respected him, but they respected the vice-president even more, which irritated him. He should be the one with the utmost respect, he should be the one people screamed for, but at the same time, he had a year left.

He has been in the team for around five years, longer than the usual. He took two or three classes instead of the common four or five in order to balance his university life and his passion for the sports. He sacrificed his semester to be able to demonstrate how perfect he was for the position and he wasn’t going to let it go that easily. He earned it - and he was sure that whoever followed him would also be great.

Deep inside, he wanted it to be his best friend, but he was sure it wouldn't be him. The vice-president had everyone on his favor, even the Dean and the trainer. He was likely while he wasn’t as much. He accepted it and he has moved towards other interests he had, still complying with his role amongst one of the most popular and exclusive clubs.

“I will count from 1 through 20,” started to say Yunho with a smile on his face, his dedicated fan club on the bleachers cheering for him. “Those who are on pairs like 2, 4, 6, etc. will be on the right side of the stadium. The ones who have an impair number like 1, 3, 5, etc. will be on the left side. I will give more instructions after I give the numbers out and you guys accommodate yourselves,” were his words before giving out the numbers to each one of them.

He began from the extreme left and continued to move his way until he stopped in front of Jaejoong.

Yunho couldn’t help but to smile, the cheers becoming bigger.

“You are 9,” he assigned it over and Jaejoong bowed to him, accepting the number.

He was too nervous - he felt like his heart was going to abandon his chest and fly with the vice-president. He only saw him from afar, he was even more handsome face-to-face. 

He felt his ears becoming red from embarrassment, but he was glad his long hair covered them enough to not be noticeable.

The vice-president found it incredibly interesting how the freshman behaved in front of him and found it hard to let him go, but he would make sure he entered the team. He saw potential and much more.

Deep inside, he was mesmerized by those big eyes and he wanted to know more.

Yunho continued to assign numbers until the last person on the line, going back to the center shortly after. He wasn’t far but he wasn’t close either - it was enough for them to listen to each other.

“Now, move.” 

The students began to move based on the vice-president’s instructions. The pairs went to the right side while the impairs went to the left side. They stood there in order of numbers until Yunho started to talk.

“I will spurt out random numbers to make it fair,” he said, watching some people being surprised at his move, others satisfied and others trying to hold their anger. When you are competitive, you know when you have the highest opportunity to win and when the odds aren’t in your favor. Just by looking at some, he could see how good of a player he would. He did expect surprises, this always happened. He has only been in the team for a year, but he remembered the first time he was at a trail and he got one of the best players. They both entered, but it was very hard since they kept a tie. He won one game and lost the other.

To this day, it still happened.

But he also turned to be his best friend - the chances of life.

“Number 1 and Number 18,” he said, the first two players coming close to him. “You two will be in different teams,” he explained. “Number 1, stand by my left. Number 18, stand by my right,” were his other instructions and they complied. After that, Yunho chose another two numbers.

“Number 13 and Number 5,” he called and they slowly walked towards him. “Number 13, stand by my left. Number 5, stand by my right,” they nodded at the same time and placed themselves in their position.

Yunho took a couple of steps back to be able to direct himself to them. “As you expected, you guys will be a duo team,” he started to say, giving out some other instructions. “We will only do one round of 12 points. Nothing more and nothing less. If it ties to 10, we will increase to 13 - the usual,” he explained with a smile. “Whoever reaches 12 points or the highest, which will not pass 20 points, wins. Whoever, winning is not a factor here - your skill is. You could be in the losing team and could be selected. We want to see competitiveness, communication with your partner, and most important, fairness. No open-hand spikes since this is not permitted in beach volleyball. The president, two players, and myself will decide and discuss briefly with the team. We will give out the results at the end of your match. Any questions?” 

No one said anything.

“Alright, you will be the first group to go so prepare yourselves,” said the vice-president. “I will continue to call the others and they will wait in line. It will be a bit of a long process so be prepared to be here for 1-2 hours,” was his final instruction before they left to warm up. 

The vice-president continued to call random numbers until he got to the last four players - the person he would like as a teammate the most coming up to him. He gave the same instructions that he gave to the other challengers, but before the beautiful guy left, he briefly grabbed his hand.

“Good luck,” he said to him with a smile decorating his face and Jaejoong smiled back at him, his defenses falling apart and his heart jumping around.

“Thank you,” he briefly replied, the cheers becoming bigger at their small interaction. Yunho let go of his hand and watched the other jogging to the last chair, knowing it would be a very extensive but interesting match.

The vice-president began to walk towards his team, briefly catching the captain and president of the club glaze.

He wasn’t happy.

Neither was his girlfriend.


	6. Kafli

The matches began shortly after the vice-president sat down and most of the team considered them very interesting. They already chose 10 out of the twelve. They had a lot of discrepancies, but most suggestions and feedback were given respectfully. Not everyone was going to be happy with the selection, but it needed to be done. 

The last match was almost at its end and Jaejoong showed the most skills out of everyone. He showed leadership, the appropriate signals for his partner, allowed him to score even though he could have done it by himself - he was a leader. Even when the other committed a mistake, he showed him a big smile and gave him feedback. 

But his team was losing by three points.

The vice-president did know why. Jaejoong’s partner was lacking confidence. He was a good player, he knew the basics and more than that. He defended amazingly but wasn’t a good attacker. He was lacking the speed and the communication his partner had and that was leading him to his mistakes. He seemed unfocused due to the fact he was losing and he was getting out of his comfort zone. There were things that he could improve with time.

Meanwhile, Jaejoong was perfect in his eyes. He had everything he wanted. Heck, he was even better than he was. The boy was born to be on the team. 

In the end, the match finished 9 to 12. Yunho saw Jaejoong hugging his teammate and giving him some words of comfort. He could not hear them, but the other had extremely good manners and was a good sportsman. He also saw him bowing to his challengers and congratulating them at the victory. They all did an amazing job, but he was determined to have Jaejoong as the main player. 

“I like Jim,” was the president’s words, reuniting with the team. “He is an amazing defender.” 

“But he sucks at attacking,” pointed out Wonho, not convinced at his words. “We need someone good at both. You can be better at one, but you can’t completely suck at it. He seems out of it and I don’t think he is a good fit.”

“Most of us are attackers and he could be in the position for 2-3 turns. He doesn't need to be that aggressive - I think it balances the team,” continued the president. “What about Key? He was amazing at both. He had amazing balance and technique. He appeared to be good at both and he had good communication with his partner. He wasn’t great at serving, but he could improve with more practice.”

“I agree,” said Wonho, but then one of his teammates made the final call.

“Why is no one talking about Jaejoong?” he put his name on the table and Yunho smiled to himself.

He didn’t want to be that biased - that’s why he let everyone else talk before it was his turn. He was sure someone else would have noticed the same as him. 

“He’s too good,” he continued. “He’s even better than Yunho - without any disrespect, vice-captain.” 

Yunho laughed, subtly agreeing at his words. He didn’t want to be that direct as he could offend the president.

“You are nuts,” said the president, taken aback by his comment. “He’s nowhere as good. He lacks the presence and the stamina. He was mostly giving his teammate instructions on how to play - not how to communicate. By half-game, he was panting like crazy. How can you say he is good? He doesn’t have anything to offer.”

“I disagree,” backed up his teammate Yunho. “He is incredibly talented. We need someone like him. And I know it might be too early to decide, but I want him to be part of the team.”

Some of the team nodded, reasoning with the vice-president while others stood quietly - afraid of the president.

“I disagree with you, vice-president,” said Ohmke with a very authoritarian voice. “He lacks everything. You are seeing him with another set of eyes.”

And there it was - the comment he was expecting.

“I know you were going to say it,” blatantly said Yunho, rolling his eyes. “Before you even continue, we have taken the longest to decide here, we can continue to discuss your manners later.” 

Ohmke crossed his arms in a very bad mood, but still opinionated. “I like Key and Jim.” 

“Jaejoong and Key,” was Yunho’s final vote, arching his eyebrow at his immature president.

“I have to agree with Yunho,” said the other teammate that mentioned Jaejoong, and a couple of others backed them up. Others went with the president’s decision but in the end, Jaejoong and Key entered the semifinals.

“Alright then,” said the vice-captain, standing up. “I’ll announce the results,” were his final words before he left, watching how shortly after him Ohmke stood up and left the stadium surrounded by angriness.

Yunho shrugged it off - he will deal with him later.

He jogged towards them, knowing they took more time than it was needed. 

“I’m sorry,” he said after arriving, smiling at them and Jaejoong died inside, but tried to maintain his posture as much as he could. “We were discussing as usual but it took more than we expected,” was his response, continuing shortly after. “The team decided that Jaejoong and Key will move forward.” 

Jaejoong sighed in relief, receiving a hug from his teammate.

“I did horribly, you deserve it,” were his words, and Jaejoong kindly smiled at him.

Yunho felt his heart jumping at his smile.

The vice-captain then watched Key hugging his teammate as well, who was disappointed but didn’t say anything out loud. Then, the two semifinalists embraced each other, congratulating themselves briefly while they walked towards the other semifinalist.

“That has been everything, thank you everyone!” he said, waving towards the bleachers. His Fanclub fainted, some nose bleeding at the same time - he was too handsome for them to handle.

Jaejoong also waved towards his friends, knowing they were insanely clapping and were trying to come down the bleachers without falling. But he knew it wasn’t possible - from the little he has known them, Cheska was way too clumsy.

And then it happened. She fell on her ass while Nami tried to help her, but was crying and laughing at the same time. Jaejoong sighed to himself, knowing it would take a while for them to eventually come down and decided to turn a bit, but he was regretting it.

He saw a girl in Yunho’s arms.

And he seemed very happy with her.

Jaejoong took a deep breath - there was nothing he could do. Someone as handsome and respected as the vice-captain needed someone equal beside him. Unfortunately, it wasn’t going to be him - not in a million years. He could tell that Yunho was straight and he was taken. He wasn’t going to mess with a relationship and neither was he there to change his orientation. He was there to play and do the best for the team with the hopes of getting selected.

That didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.

His heart was tearing itself apart.

The volleyball player sighed and turned again, watching his friends running towards him.

“I fell, I am so sorry!” said Cheska almost breathlessly. “God damn it - those stairs almost killed me.”

“She’s so stupid, Jae!” claimed Nami while wiping the tears from her eyes. “She fell on her butt! I can’t stop cracking up,” she said while laughing at the same time. “This made my entire day!” 

“Shut up!” replied Cheska while pouting. “She’s sooooo mean!”

Jaejoong laughed at them. “Take it easy, let’s just go home,” he said while linking his arms with his friends, eventually leaving the stadium.

He didn’t notice Yunho’s eyes never left him ever since he turned his back on the other, while his girlfriend was on his arms telling him how handsome and professional he looked. He had to admit he barely listened to what she had to say and he was feeling guilty.

He didn’t know why he was feeling this way.

“Hey,” said Wonho, his best friend while putting his hand on top of his. “We are going to eat something, want to come?”

“I’m hungry, oppa - should we go with them?” said his girlfriend, and Yunho came back to Earth.

“Yeah, sure,” was his response with a slight smile. “Where are we going?” 

“We were thinking BBQ,” he replied while texting back on his phone. “Ku is coming.” 

“Yes!” she said as she let Yunho go and started to clap while jumping at the same time. “I haven’t seen him in so long!” 

“He’s in Engineering,” said Wonho with a smile on his face. “And he’s in his second year. He is barely getting the grasp of it.” 

“It looks like someone might come with him too,” he said, a bit taken aback at the news. He didn’t know Kiki had more friends than the ones he already knew. He wasn’t jealous or anything - they have been together since freshman year, a little bit more than a year and he was extremely confident in his relationship but was indeed weird to meet someone else.

“Do I smell a little bit of jealousy?” said Yunho in a teasing voice, elbowing his arm a couple of times.

“Don’t be stupid,” he said, briefly slapping his arm in return. “I’m not jealous.”

“Wonho oppa, you do look jealous,” replied the girl while intertwining her hands with Yunho’s.

“Whatever,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “Let’s go,” was his response and the three of them started to walk outside the stadium, most of the team gone already and only a couple stayed to give tips to the semifinalist. 


	7. Kapitel

The griller was getting ready and warm, the table surrounded by delicious meat and sides. Yunho was sitting alongside his girlfriend, which was pretty entertained by a dressing-doll game while she spoke from time to time. Sometimes, he felt sorry for her - she was surrounded by guys who were only interested in teasing each other and talking about sports. But he knew she understood and he appreciated it.

She was an angel.

Yunho smiled to himself, his thoughts buried at the back of his mind. 

“Hello!” said the newcomer, greeting with a bow to Yunho and his girlfriend. “Sorry I am late, the project went longer than expected,” was his explanation to all before he briefly smiled at Wonho, receiving a sweet smile from his boyfriend in return. 

“This is Son Hyunwoo,” he presented his friend to everyone at the table. “He goes by Shownu, he’s in his first year. He barely started and as you know, the Engineering Department has the first years shadowing those from second and third year,” he continued to explain. “He didn’t want to come - he’s too shy!” 

“Have a seat,” said Yunho with a wide smile. “We don’t bite - just meat.” 

And everyone laughed at his comment.

“This is Jung Yunho,” introduced the second-year student to the other second-year student. “He’s in the Faculty of Psychology.” 

“And I guess he is also on the volleyball team?” he asked, hoping he wasn’t too intrusive.

“Yup,” was his reply. He was still in his uniform - the only thing he changed was his shoes. He had a specific set when he was playing.

“You are pretty famous,” continued Shownu. “I have heard a lot of you.”

“I’m just a normal guy,” he said with a smile on his face. “People hold me up too high.” 

“Because you are the best, oppa,” she said while giving him a smile on his cheek.

“She is Gina,” introduced the second-year engineering student. “She is Yunho’s girlfriend. She is in Communications,” Shownu bowed to her and she did so in return.

“And finally, this is the one I mostly talk about,” he said with the brightest smile he could possibly have. “This is Wonho. He’s in International Law. He’s my boyfriend.” 

Shownu bowed to him and Wonho did the same, very happy at the introduction. He had to admit that Shownu could be his competition, but he was sure of his place in his boyfriend’s heart. 

“He talks about you a lot,” said Shownu while sitting down, permitting the other to accommodate himself beside his boyfriend before doing such. “He is always saying how handsome you are.” 

The engineering student blushed, feeling Wonho’s hand holding his under the table.

“We don’t like to boast about our relationship, but I think the entire University knows we are together,” he said, smiling to his boyfriend.

“I bet that Minhyuk has not told you how they met and how it came to this point, right?” said Yunho, starting to tease the engineering student. “It was hilarious.” 

“Yunho, shut up!” he shouted to him, trying to hit him but he was too far. Wonho smiled at his remark and let go of Minhyuk’s hand, putting his arm behind the other’s back and sneakily placing his hand on his waist, making the other closer to him.

“You are cute.” 

“Wonho, stop,” he said, his face as red as a tomato. 

“Wonho and I met in the club about a year ago,” started Yunho, watching his girlfriend putting the meat on the griller. “We were fighting for the last position but they decided to put us both as one of the players was leaving unexpectedly due to a family emergency. Until this day, we still tie in everything.” 

“Don’t trust him,” he said while Shownu laughed, engulfed at the story. 

“Minhyuk has always been very straightforward so don’t let him fool you - he can tell you what he feels in a heartbeat,” continued the psychology student while Minhyuk was trying to shut him up but it was impossible - he was too far and Wonho was lovingly holding him. 

“The day Wonho was chosen into the team, he went to him and told him ‘can I start hitting on you?’ and poor Wonho was eating a cookie and he choked on it.” 

“I remember!” stepped out Gina with a smile on her face. “I remember Yunho oppa running to get him so water. He was almost purple. Ku remained there though - not wasting his opportunity. He wasn’t a stalker, but he did try his best to get his attention until Won oppa fell for him. Isn’t that romantic?!” 

Shownu laughed. “Quite the story. I didn’t know my senior was this straightforward.” 

“I hate all of you,” said Minhyuk while pouting.

“I know you don’t,” replied Wonho, squeezing his waist a bit. Minhyuk smiled shortly after and he wanted to say so many things to him and kiss him senselessly, but they were in a public place and he wasn’t that fond of expressing his love in front of everyone. Not even in University. He preferred a private place, where only them existed.

“But enough about Minhyuk as the engineering senior,” said Yunho. “Tell us a bit more about you,” he said while grabbing meat, watching Gina giving some to the other pairing as well.

“There’s not a lot,” he replied, trying to see where he should begin. “I’m the single heir in my family and they wanted me to study engineering.” 

“Sounds boring,” responded Wonho. “You don’t seem too excited about being in engineering.” 

“He’s not,” replied Minhyuk with a sigh. “I am stuck with someone who doesn’t like my career! Sad!” 

“From my guessing then you liked something else and your parents didn’t allow you?” asked Yunho. He knew it was more of a personal question and if the other did not feel comfortable telling him, he would be okay.

To this day, it still surprised him how parents were not supportive of their children. He thanked the Heavens every day for his mother and father - they were always there for him and even when he made mistakes they knew he was going to commit, they never judged. They were the best parents in the world. 

“Yeah,” admitted Shownu, but he didn’t want to give a lot of details. 

“You don’t have to give details out,” said Yunho with another smile decorating his face. “We are all part of this expensive University,” and everyone chuckled.

“Gina, I’ll go to the bathroom real quick,” was what he said before stepping out of the table, the conversation turning towards something else.

He greeted some people along the way who recognized his volleyball uniform and continued his way to the bathroom. His mind was blank, he wasn’t thinking about anything in particular until he opened the door and bumped into someone.

“I’m sorry,” he said while bowing, but immediately stopped when he saw who it was.

_ Jaejoong. _

The fresher gulped hard, looking the vice-president up close. Everytime they were close, or at least close enough for Jaejoong to appreciate his handsomeness, his heart skipped a heartbeat. 

He was close to having a heart attack. The man was fine from head to toe - he was everything he wanted. He was polite, liked sports and had the sweetest smile he could dream of.

But he was taken.

That simple thought made Jaejoong come back and he broke the staring between both of them. 

However, Yunho wasn’t going to waste the opportunity to be closer to his junior.

“I am here with some friends and I guess you too,” were his words. “Mind to introduce your senior?” 

“Oh, yeah, of course,” he said, slightly bumping into Yunho’s wide chest before he almost ran back to his trable. He was trembling, but he tried his best to maintain his cool while Yunho arrived. The restaurant wasn’t big and he was sure the other traced his steps.

And he wasn’t wrong.

Yunho arrived shortly after and bowed to the table. The other two girls stood up and bowed to the senior.

“I bumped into him,” said a very nervous Jaejoong. “This is Yunho. He is the vice-captain of the volleyball team.” 

“Nice to meet you.”

“I’m Nami,” began the tallest girl. “I’m a fresher in International Psychology and I’m in the Writing Club.” 

“Oh, you are in Psychology?” said Yunho, surprised at the fact. His faculty was big, but he wouldn’t compare it to Engineering or Law, which were the biggest alongside with Medicine. 

“Yes,” she said - she knew he was in that department too, but he didn’t need to know that information.

“I’m in Psychology too,” he said and she briefly gasped. “So I guess we will see each other around!” 

“You lucky,” said Cheska while jumping in envy and pouting. “I’m Francheska but you can call me Cheska. I am in International Studies but I will be switching to Medicine next semester.” 

“Medicine is really big,” were Yunho’s words. “Good luck!”

“Thank you, senior,” she politely said, very excited at his words. They wanted to continue the conversation a bit more, but Yunho felt someone at his side grabbing his volleyball jersey.

“Oppa, I thought you were going to the bathroom?” said the newcomer, who looked at the other people at the table. 

“I got distracted, sorry,” he apologized. “This is my girlfriend, Gina.”

Jaejoong’s heart dropped to the floor, but he tried his best to maintain his persona. He kindly stood up and bowed at the other person. 

Cheska and Nami noticed his change of attitude and looked at each other briefly, trying to understand what was happening.

“Hiii!” excitedly said Gina with a smile on her face. “I’m in the Faculty of Communications in my second year.” 

Cheska and Nami respectively introduced themselves again and Jaejoong shortly followed after.

“You are a very good player!” said Gina, her smile dropping a bit.

Something the other two girls noticed as well.

“Thank you,” was all Jaejoong said - no visible tone in his voice.

“Oppa, the food is getting cold, let’s go,” she said while grabbing his hand. 

“Oh, alright, see you guys later!” he shouted before being dragged by his girlfriend.

Jaejoong sat down, his eyes visible with tears.

“Oh fuck, Jaejoong, he’s taken,” said Nami, putting her chair closer to him. Cheska immediately followed her steps, placing the chair on the other side.

“He’s just my senior,” he said with a fake smile. “There’s nothing more.”

“Don’t fucking lie to me,” said Nami, her serious tone of voice covering their small atmosphere. “You like him.”

But Jaejoong did not respond.

  
  



	8. Capitulum

It has been a very exciting week. Shownu left his classroom and was sitting down in one of the benches near the campus, observing the people passing back and forth. He met with his senior Minhyuk who has been very supportive through the process. They still hang out from time to time and Wonho sometimes was with them too. He learned that Minhyuk was very popular in the Engineering Faculty and that he was very lucky to have him. 

But it was a pity that Minhyuk loved engineering and he didn’t.

Shownu sighed, deciding to take his cell phone out and going straight to Instagram.

He didn’t use it often, but it was pretty common for people around his age. 

And he was cracking up at the posts about  _ Love In Boy.  _ It seemed that they had a sister page named  _ Love With Boy. _ From what he has investigated in his boring time, one is about the eye-candy University boys and the other is about two boys who are either real or shipped around the university. It didn’t seem strange to him - they had a similar one about girls but it wasn’t as amusing as this one.

“Oh?” while scrolling down, he saw two very familiar pictures. He saw Wonho and Minhyuk walking around the campus, looking very happy with each other - funny hashtags along the way. The post exceeded the two thousand comments, they seemed to be very popular and he could understand why. Their chemistry is more than just two lovers - they were friends and they had confidence in each other. Just by barely spending some time with them, he could see it.

The one that confused him was the one about Yunho and a guy he didn’t know. Based on the hashtag, he might have something in his name similar to Jae.

_ YunJae. _

It seemed to have been taken when Yunho stopped the guy to tell him something. They were both in a volleyball uniform. He couldn’t go but understood that it took place last week and tomorrow, the semi-finalists will compete against each other.

“He has a girlfriend,” he said while scratching his head. “Why would they put someone who has someone here?” He questioned himself, but at the same time it wasn’t something he should worry about. It wasn’t his life to deal with.

He was about to go to the other page when someone sat beside him. He was having his proper distance, so he shouldn’t worry about him but then he decided to briefly look at his side and saw the most heartbreaking sight he has ever seen in his life.

The guy looked plain lifeless. He had the saddest eyes he has ever encountered and looked at nowhere in particular. He was lost in thought, the sorrow covering the atmosphere. And somehow, Shownu couldn’t stop looking at him.

He knew the other wasn’t paying attention to him, which allowed Shownu to admire him from afar while saving his face complexion close to his heart.

However, Shownu’s perplexed look was interrupted when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey!” called his senior with a smile on his face, his boyfriend beside him. “I was wondering if you would like to come with us to the semi-finals.” 

“What semi-finals?” he asked, very deconcentrated. 

“The volleyball semi-finals,” replied Wonho on behalf of Minhyuk. “They are playing today.” 

“Wasn’t supposed to be on the 15th?”

“Today is the 15th, silly,” responded Minhyuk with a smile on his face. 

“Shit,” he said, quickly grabbing his stuff. “I thought it was tomorrow.” 

“It’s okay!” replied the black-haired. “Wonho will be the referee so we will be earlier than usual.” 

“And can we enter beforehand?” he replied dumbfounded.

“Of course, I’m his boyfriend,” proudly stated Minhyuk while Wonho briefly grabbed his hand, smiling in return. “C’mon, let’s go~” he said before starting to walk beside his boyfriend, talking about how excited he was to see the semi-finals.

Shownu walked behind them shortly after, not before stopping and giving a quick glance to the unknown person who sat beside him. He smiled to himself before he completely left.

He didn’t notice that the other person had his knuckles tightened around his pants, his sad eyes giving away something he didn’t want to admit or allow himself to have.

+++

  
  


“I am so happy!” exclaimed Cheska, sitting down on the bleachers. The semi-finals were supposed to begin in 20 minutes. The stadium was pretty full, the fan clubs of each team player on the other side. The ones who were the loudest were Ohmke’s and Yunho’s. She also noticed his girlfriend sitting on that side, giving snacks to people while the courteously smiled. 

“The swimming competition was lit yesterday,” said Nami, sitting beside Cheska. “I also got to see Min.” 

“Awww, so cute!” she said and Nami slapped the back of her head. Cheska pouted, but knew how she was - she was already used to it. 

“We need to meet him!” were Cheska’s words. “I really want to know who can bear with you.”

“Bitch,” she called her with a smile and the other laughed.

“Are these seats taken?” courteously asked Minhyuk, giving them both a smile and Cheska started to squeal. 

Nami slapped the back of her head again.

“No, go ahead,” she said, moving a bit to the right so they could sit down, but then he saw a very familiar face from yesterday’s swimming trial. 

“Oh, excuse me,” she said, directing herself to the one beside the pretty guy. “Are you from the swimming team?”

“Yeah,” said Shownu, looking at her. “I got recently chosen yesterday.” 

“That’s why you are so familiar!” she laughed with a smile on her face. “I was there. I really like Swimming just like Volleyball, but I decided to go to another club. I still wanted to check how the trials were.” 

“It was exhausting,” he confessed, normally looking at her. “I do enjoy Swimming but it wasn’t the first club I applied to.” 

“To which one you applied first?” asked Nami. She hoped she wouldn’t sound that intrusive. She was just curious. 

“Music,” was his response.

“Wait a minute,” interrupted Cheska. “I’m in the music club. Are you Shownu?”

And he nodded.

“What?! They rejected you?!” she said in disbelief, taken aback at his words. “What the fuck?!” 

“Wait, but you are a very good singer,” said Minhyuk as surprised as the other girl beside him. “And you know how to play guitar, how could that be?” 

Shownu arched his shoulders. He wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He didn’t know himself. They just told him he was rejected and he couldn’t apply until next year. However, the swimming team was also holding the trials and he didn’t want to miss them. He decided that even if he would have liked to be chosen, he was good enough to continue on his own and switched clubs at the last minute. 

“That is just weird,” said a very concerned Cheska.

“It’s okay, I was already selected in the Swimming Team and I will stay there - they gave me the opportunity and I will not waste it,” were his sincere words, the other three nodding at his words.

Their short conversation was interrupted when the team leader started to talk, his fan club going crazy. They decided to cut it to listen to his words. A couple of minutes after, he walked out while Wonho came to the middle. Minhyuk proudly looked at him, a bright smile covering his face.

“Are they together?” Nami asked Cheska after she observed Minhyuk and her partner-in-crime laughed.

“Yes!!! That is why I was squealing!” 

“Oh my GAWDDDD,” continued Nami, being as excited as the other. They met under different circumstances, but at the same time they shared something they loved - shipping boys together.

Wonho saw his beloved on the bleachers and gave him a beautiful smile, making the other people go crazy. He directed himself to the players briefly by exchanging the following words:

“This time, the winning team will advance - we will not decide between both as we did before. You have to go and give out your best,” he continued. “I’ll be the referee, just play like usual volleyball. I will check any faults and deduct points as necessary. We will have three sets - the first team to win both will move to the final. After the winning team is announced, we will have a small reunion between the team and the people moving to the finals.”

“Rules are as usual - service will happen as soon as you let the ball go. You have five seconds after my whistle. I don’t need to explain more, right?” he said and the players nodded.

“Any questions?” 

No response.

“Good,” he said. “Team 2 will serve first based on their individual scores from the trials,” was Wonho’s last instruction before he went to the stairs based on the referee. He went up in less than a second and put his hat on. “There will be another referee on the floor if needed. It will be another team player,” he announced while the team accommodated themselves in their respective areas.

And then, the first player who will begin the game put the ball in the air, making a jump to successfully serve to the other side.


	9. Skyrius

Jaejoong was exhausted. Yesterday’s match killed his left ankle, but he knew it would cure itself soon. It didn’t hurt when he jumped or did exercise, which was a good signal. That meant he only pulled a soft muscle and shouldn’t take longer than a week to heal. He put some ointment and spray wrapped in kinetic tape. He still needed to practice, but he will do it softly and slowly - he wanted it to heal as quickly as possible.

But he wanted to skip.

It wouldn’t look good on him. He was a fresher and he was only in the basic classes. He shouldn’t be doing that but at the same time, he knew he should.

And with that thought in mind, he preferred to stay home.

Since he already made his decision, he took his phone and browsed around the famous Instagram page, his smile becoming bigger when he saw his picture while he served. He served so well that he stayed in the position for four turns straight - something that shouldn’t happen. When you have a person that is an extremely good server, you have to do everything you can do to take him out.

They did it, but it was too late.

His team won the match and they were moving to the finals, against what could be his team.

There were also pictures of Wonho being a referee, pictures of the club president, and the vice-president.

His heart skipped another beat and he sighed. There was nothing he could do to stop himself from liking the man, but he didn’t miss him. He wasn’t even his friend and that was his blessing. There was no way they could be friends like he was with Cheska and Nami and that soothed his pacing heart.

He then saw a notification on his phone and he opened a chat.

He arched an eyebrow.

This chat was not familiar to him. He decided to see the chat participants.

_ Ocean Nami _

_ Pink Panda _

_ Ku _

_ NumEng _

_ Mina B _

_ Outspoken East _

_ HoHo _

Out of those listed, he only knew Nami and Pink Panda, which was Cheska’s nickname. He didn’t know why she came up with it, but that was fine with him. From what he has noticed, she loves pandas and has them everywhere. She has a big panda backpack, her car keys, and her phone cover. It was more than obvious.

He began to write and ask what this was about, but Nami was faster than him.

_ Ocean Nami: Hello! I know we mostly all know each other, but for those who don’t know what this chat is about is just because it’s easier for us to know where we are at, to plan stuff and just have fun! We all agreed to it except JayJay, who was not there yesterday at our dinner. JayJay, please present yourself~  _

Oh, the dinner.

He briefly remembered the people Nami presented to him, but he wasn’t good with faces or names. He was also exhausted and excused himself shortly after. He knew he wasn’t hostile or anything - he was just tired from the match. He texted Nami and told her, but she was very understanding. She also sent him a picture of the group at the BBQ place they frequently go to, but he only recognized his two friends and Wonho, which was on the volleyball team as well.

_ JayJay: Umm, hello, my name is Jaejoong. I am a freshman in International Law. I am also in the trials for the volleyball club/team. _

_ Mina B (Mina): You are that pretty guy everyone is asking about on Instagram~  _

_ Pink Panda (Cheska): He’s shy!!! _

_ Ocean Nami (Nami): Until you know him. He talks a lot. _

_ Ku (Minhyuk): I bet he is SO confused by this chat! You weren’t specific enough, Nami. _

_ Ocean Nami (Nami): I wasn’t BUT he knows how I roll _

_ HoHo (Wonho): Do you roll like sushi or like a buffalo? _

_ Ocean Nami (Nami): Like sushi ofc since I’m Japanese. Buffalo is for people who like in the middle of nowhere.  _

_ Outspoken East (Kirs): I should send a sticker that says “Kirs has abandoned chat”. _

_ NumEng (Shownu): Hold up, too fast _

_ Mina B (Mina): I haven’t known you for a whole day and I already know you are as slow as a sloth _

_ Pink Panda (Cheska): wait, who was a sloth????? _

_ Ku (Minhyuk): This is going to be very messy. _

_ HoHo (Wonho): Tell me about it _

Jaejoong laughed. What a good conversation to start up the day. Between sloths and people rolling like sushi is what he needed.

_ JayJay: My ankle is suffering from the match. Since I barely remember who is who, I will cook for everyone after 6pm and that way we can present ourselves. Who can come? _

_ Ocean Nami (Nami): Bro, you know how to cook? Marry me _

_ Pink Panda (Cheska): Hey, you have a bf _

_ Ocean Nami (Nami): and????????????????????????? I always have to cook for him, fuck it. I want a man that can cook for me. _

_ Outspoken East (Kirs): I’m sending this to him right now brb _

_ Ocean Nami (Nami): you do not have his phone number!!!!! _

_ Pink Panda (Cheska): but I have his Instagram~ _

_ Mina B (Mina): busted _

_ Ocean Nami (Nami): this mofo _

_ NumEng (Shownu): Im free, I can come over. Carpool?  _

_ Ku (Minhyuk): Wonho is free and I have a meeting at 5 pm but he can pick me up after I finish. We can pick you up, Shownu. _

_ Ocean Nami (Nami): I’ll pick up the rest the girls and I’ll ask Min _

_ Pink Panda (Cheska): Mina lives close to me, I’ll drop by and pick her up and leave the car in your apartment _

_ Outspoken East (Kirs): I’ll be there by bus. I have class exactly until 5 pm so I will shower over there. Is that ok? _

_ Ocean Nami (Nami): ofc! _

_ JayJay: Then I will see you all at 6 pm.  _

Jaejoong proceeded to turn his cellphone off and sleep more.

+++

It was already 9 pm and his house looked like a small party. There was alcohol everywhere with food he prepared himself. He woke up around 2 pm, took a quick shower and proceeded to do a big meal. However, it made him happy. He liked to cook from time to time - he did it for his family, but they never liked to be together in the same room, which made him sad. They liked fancy restaurants and talked about what was in the news, something he wasn’t fond of.

It was great that he could do it with peers and friends he liked.

And he had to admit he was tipsy. He had a very strong alcohol resistance, but they have been drinking since 6 pm, the only one who was completely sober was Kirs. She indicated that she doesn’t like drinking and even though they teased her a bit, she didn’t mind it. Jaejoong did give her the keys to all the cars, including his, in case they were too drunk to drive.

He was also sure she took some pictures, he just hoped she wouldn’t post them anytime soon.

He became to know everyone rather quickly, hoping he would remember their names. He met Wonho’s boyfriend, named Minhyuk. They have been together for around a year. He met Minhyuk’s junior, named Shownu - he was part of the swimming team and was in Engineering like his senior. Mina and Kirs met Cheska and Nami in the BBQ restaurant they used to frequent due to Minhyuk and Wonho’s closeness to them. Mina is in the Faculty of Arts with Kirs, but they have different concentrations. Kirs is in Photography and Mina is in the Acting area. When Minhyuk was asked how they met, he said that Engineering needed a photographer that was in the first year for an activity they needed to hold. Both of them are in the second year as well.

Mina also said she was a foreigner like Nami. She is from Italy and was born and raised there. It seemed that she was very rich - her clothes were designed by her family. He didn’t understand why a person like that liked to study so far from her country, where she could have everything she wanted, but that was a conversation for later.

He also got to meet Nami’s boyfriend. His name is Mingi and he was the same age as Nami, but he was so bright that he was already in his second year. He skipped an entire year of university due to his high capability. He was the highest in the country. He was in the Faculty of Medicine, which got Cheska excited since she will be transferring next semester and he could help her in case she had any questions.

In order to meet each other more profoundly, they decided to play spin the bottle with a twist. Those who chose truth will be asked a random question by the other person on the other side of the bottle and they have to respond no matter what - if they choose to lie, they have to lie well and not to be discovered. Those who chose dare will have seven minutes in heaven. It means that they are selected to go into Jaejoong’s walking closet and spend no more than seven minutes in the dark enclosed space. They can choose what they want to do and it could be anything - no questions asked. 

The good thing is that it will stay between them and the other players cannot ask about it.

As instructions were given and the empty soju bottled was placed in the empty circle, Jaejoong was the first person to spin it.

The silence was surrounding the small party and the bottle landed on Shownu and Mina. Shownu decided that truth might be better to start and Mina smirked.

“Do you like anyone on campus? You have to say the name, the faculty the person is in, and why you haven't taken the next steps.” 

“Uhhhhhhhhhhh,” said Kirs, having a sip of her water. “Hardcore.” 

“This is getting personal and it’s only the first question,” said Wonho with a smile, his hand intertwined with Minhyuk’s.

“That’s not even hard,” mentioned Mingi with a smirk. “You should see me with our other friends in common.” 

“A fucking mess,” replied Nami with a laugh.

Shownu sighed but responded to his best capability. “I do like someone, but I don’t know his name or where he is at.” 

“Ohhhh c’mon, you are lying!” said Mina while drinking a shot. “How can you like someone without knowing the basics?” 

“That’s the thing,” he continued. “He just casually sat down beside me about a week ago. I haven’t seen him ever since.” 

“Wait,” said Minhyuk, thinking hard about his next words. “Was that the time Wonho and I went to you and asked if you wanted to come to the volleyball semi-finals?” 

Shownu nodded.

“Isn’t his name Yoo Kihyun?” said Wonho with an arched eyebrow, looking at Minhyuk. “I’m sure it was him. There were people around him - close enough to save him from danger but apart enough to not be seen.” 

“YES!” clapped Minhyuk at the realization. “His name is Yoo Kihyun!” 

“Kihyun?!?!” exclaimed Cheska, her eyes opening in disbelief. “That’s my eternal crush!” 

Shownu gulped - knowing it was better to move forward but the girl wasn’t letting it go that easily.

“Don’t worry!” she said with a smile covering her face, her speech is a bit slurred due to her tipsiness. “I would never hit on him. He hates women.” 

“He does?” asked Jaejoong, very curious at the conversation that popped out.

“Yup,” she began to explain, everyone, paying attention to her. “The bodyguards cannot be inside the classroom, but they are allowed to be near it. I take a lot of classes with him because we are both in International Studies and in second year. He sits way on the back and people are usually scared of him. Even in group studies, he is never with them - he sends his part thoroughly so he doesn’t need to discuss it with the people he had to work with. He only communicates through the University e-mail. This is what they have told me. Strangely, he is only paired with males most of the time.” 

“What when it is the random selection?” asked Wonho out of curiosity. “You know some professors prefer people to be with whatever they want to be.” 

“He does it alone,” was Cheska’s explanation. “At least, our professors are flexible. When it is a group presentation and we have to assign it ourselves, they mostly allow us to make the decision whether we want to be in a group or alone. Most of the time, he is the only one presenting without a group.”

“Something must have happened,” expressed Minhyuk. “He’s not the first one with bodyguards - our University is very prestigious and we have a lot of students whose families are pretty well known, but it is very weird.” 

“I agree,” said Jaejoong.

“Yoo Kihyun…” muttered Shownu, smiling at himself after calling his name.

He wondered when he would see him again. 

The game continued shortly after, questions back and forth between the friends. Laughs, smiles, and smacks were the order of the night. The shots quickly were replaced until they couldn’t handle it anymore. As the hours passed, people passed little by little until everyone was mostly snoring on the floor.

The only one entertained by the sight was Kirs, who took pictures of them for her entertainment while she accommodated herself on the couch, knowing she would fall asleep rather soon as well.


	10. Fejezet

Jaejoong was repenting the night before. His pounding headache was the ordeal of the day and he knew it would last for a couple of hours before it got better. Minhyuk and Nami helped him clean the disaster everyone did in the living room and people left little by little as they woke up. Wonho was the first to leave, giving his boyfriend a cheek kiss. He had to train and work in the afternoon. It seemed that they lived together, but Nami offered him a ride home since they discovered they lived in the same complex. 

His house was clean and he was chilling in his bedroom. At least, he didn’t have anything to do today. It was a Saturday - a free day. He sent a text to his grandfather but he was playing golf with his friends and told him he would call him later to see if he could come home for Sunday. He didn’t live that far from them - about 30 minutes, but it was very difficult to see any of the members of his family. 

He also texted his dad and he would come briefly before staffing a case with another attorney. It seemed that his partner was giving classes in the same University he was in and it was easier for him to come to the campus instead of driving around.

Jaejoong went to Instagram and laughed at his Home page.

There were pictures of their wild night everywhere. At least they weren’t sexy pictures or anything like that. But knowing how Kirs behaved, it was highly unlikely. She was very conservative.

_ outspoken-east _

_ Meeting new people wasn’t supposed to be this crazy _

_ #unilife #whatisminhyukdoing #cansomeonestopwonho #imcold #mikeiuniversity #wheresthefood _

_ View all 550 comments _

_ oceanbluenami i look like i am about to die #wtf _

_ itshowtime why is my leg between Minhyuk and Wonho? #ineedanswers _

_ hohohonotsantaclaus you look comfy, Shownu _

_ kuwhale my back hurts… and this headache is killing me _

_ queenoftheater DELETE THIS!!!!!!!!!!! THE SHAME ON MY HAIR!!!!!!!!!!! OH GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! _

_ pinkpanda01 i look more shitter than usual… _

_ thesongmin I knew you were going to be the one to post it.  _

_ outspoken-east it was expected. I am not a photography major for anything. _

_ oceanbluenami the betrayal…. _

_ Jungvolleyball Invite me next time, looks fun. _

And Jaejoong’s heart skipped a beat  _ again. _

Yunho commented on the picture.

He went straight to his IG, but there were no pictures of him. His Instagram consisted of inspirational quotes, his passion for volleyball, the dates and times for next matches, and tons of other pictures of his dog and cat.

The freshman smiled to himself, putting the nickname on his favorites.

No way he would follow him - that wasn’t a possibility.

He then decided to switch back to his Homepage and scrolled down, the pictures of the wild party long forgotten.

That’s when he choked on his saliva.

  
  


_ Luvwithboy _

_ Do you guys like the new ghost ship????? #yunjae #jungyunhofrompsychology #kimjaejoongfromlawschool #boylove #bl #theylookSOcute _

  
  


_ View all 1478 comments _

_ kimera his gf won’t agree to this but IDC i ship #yunjae _

_ lenalenamelena WOW i never thought!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH! SOOOO CUTE _

_ dayandnight00 this is so wrong, guys. He has a gf!!! I would report the page if i were him _

_ nalinanalina ufff i feel guilty for liking #yunjae but at the same time, who cares? dis page is a joke take it easy guys _

He smiled at the comments. There were tons of positive ones indicating they supported the ghost ship. He didn’t understand what the ghost meant, but he hoped it wasn’t something bad. After all, he understood he would not be able to be with Yunho. Like other many commenters indicated, he had a girlfriend and he wasn’t going to separate them. He wasn’t that kind of person. 

And he decided to completely ignore those homophobic ones. 

But the comment that stuck out to him the most was from Gina, Yunho’s girlfriend.

_ ginaichigo they do look cute together, and it is a ghost ship - it doesn’t exist. I am okay with that because I know where he belongs. Chill out! Have fun! I also have a girl ship in girlsgirlstheylovegirls hehhehehe _

_ titlenapt you are so brave!!!!!!!!!!! what a queen _

_ prisonisonfire THIS is what I am talking about! Way to go! _

_ maryarena wait until it happens and then u wont be sayin things like dis………. _

_ lotefull u sure hunnn??? _

Jaejoong decided it was time to simply step out. Torturing himself reading the comments and getting a reality of his life wasn’t helping him. He closed the application and went straight to his Facebook, deciding to post a status. He had over 2000 followers - he only accepted those he really knew and close friends. It was also easy to hide stuff, not everyone could see what he posted. He also didn’t use it for personal reasons, he had an internet document he used to write whenever he felt down or needed to.

But he read a quote somewhere that he always kept close to his heart. 

The male sighed, knowing it would spark certain stuff, but at the end of the day, no one knew his true heart.

Only Cheska and Nami.

  
  


_ Kim Jaejoong _

****

Not even a couple of seconds passed when he started to receive likes and comments. He allowed everyone to see it - not only his friends. 

_ Kim Yoohan, Kim Junsu, Park Yoochun, Song Mingi, Kim Wooseok and 345 others like this _

_ Song Mingi Nothing is impossible, the word itself says it - possibility. Audrey Hepburn. _

_ Lee Hooseok (Wonho) You are spending too many days with Nami. _

_ Lee Minhyuk I agree! She is always writing depressing stuff. _

_ Song Mingi The thing is that we have always been together… Imagine if we split. _

_ Lee Hooseok (Wonho) Chaos. _

_ Fujiwara Nami When the Black Heavens first touched the world, the skies cried. The only thing left behind the walls and those plaid doors were the fainted heart of an impossible love… _

_ Lee Hoseok (Wonho) Told ya. _

_ Son Hyunwoo (Shownu) This is deep… _

_ Mina Bonne-Garat I love it! _

_ Ong Bomi (Kirs) Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh _

_ Park Cheska This girl can write! _

_ Song Mingi What about the love I feel for you? _

_ Fujiwara Nami Touches the depth of the ocean in marvelous ways… _

_ Song Mingi Just like your name? _

_ Fujiwara Nami Just like our names are written in lotus. _

_ Ong Bomi (Kirs) I need to puke. _

Jaejoong laughed. He truly liked how Nami wrote. She should have been in Literature or Arts, but when he asked her about this she said that it was only a hobby and although she would like to be a successful writer, she saw it as unlikely. He tried to encourage her to change majors, but she said she did like Psychology and wanted to finish - this is why she came here in the first place.

But he had the urge to delete the post when he saw the person he dedicated it to comment.

_ Jung Yunho Impossible love means that you can also conquer it at your own pace. It might take longer than usual, but never let slip from your hands. It is yours to control. _

Jaejoong smiled.

If he only knew…

But he also understood than thinking more about his words would only cause him despair. 

“I wish,” he said to no one in particular, the cold room surrounding him. “I really wish…” 

The freshman locked his phone and threw it far from him, his eyes closing to prevent the tears from coming out.


	11. Sura

Shownu was sitting down on the same bench he sat a couple of days ago, where he became mesmerized by his beauty. Would he appear again? He doubted it, but he was hopeful. He was a very positive person and he rarely gave up. He was really stubborn and while it was bad for some things, it was a good attribute when it came down to love.

He never considered himself straight - he loved a person from what he was. It could be a man, a woman, or someone in transition. He didn’t care. The thing that was valuable for him was their principles, what they offered to the world. It was his motto and he made sure to follow it. 

He would never tell his parents - they weren’t prepared for it. He also didn’t have a lot of trust in them. It was hard to explain and something he would rather forget. The University was tiring, but it made him realize how blessed he was being so far from them. At the same time, they were never at home and he felt more close to his grandmother than to them.

And it saddened him.

He shook away his thoughts with a half-smile decorating his face. He realized that in a couple of minutes, his class was beginning. At least, he wasn’t that far from the classroom. In fact, he was about 2-3 minutes from it - enough for him to stay for a bit longer and enjoy the sun.

His smile became sadder and he didn’t notice. He also didn’t see a person sitting down beside him, the same aura that is always surrounding him appearing.

But this time, he didn’t have his headphones on.

Shownu slightly looked at his side after a couple of minutes and was about to run for his life - he was 5 minutes late, but he couldn’t.

Once he saw who it was, he stopped.

“Oh?” he said to himself, turning his whole body towards the other.

He noticed the guy trembled and his knuckles were in a hold. Shownu decided to take two steps backward and saw the other visibly relaxing at the distance.

“My name is Shownu,” he said with a soft smile on his face. “I saw you a couple of days ago.”

The guy simply nodded, acknowledging the same fact. He wasn’t a wordy person - in fact, he hated people. He felt suffocated. He only felt at ease when he was at his apartment, alone while he wrote about the sadness of his life.

But there was something about him he liked.

And he has been sitting on the same bench ever since he saw him. He didn’t know why and he wouldn’t surely let the other know. 

It wasn’t necessary.

“Kihyun…” he softly said, Shownu’s smile becoming bigger.

“Nice to meet you, Kihyun,” was all he said, forgetting about his class completely.

The newcomer simply nodded at his greeting, immediately taking his phone out. He gave it with trembling hands to the other, which accepted it greatly. He knew what that meant and he was glad the other took the step - not because he couldn’t do it, but because it seemed like something big. He was stepping out of his comfort zone.

Shownu wrote his number down and handed it back. When Kihyun received it, he let out a big relief sign and texted him through LINE right away.

_ Yoo Kihyun: hello… _

_ Son Shownu: Hey! _

Shownu smiled, deciding to give Kihyun his distance.

_ Yoo Kihyun: … _

_ Son Shownu: it must have been hard for you to take this step, so i am glad! I do like to talk and chat but you can stop me anytime _

_ Yoo Kihyun: it’s… it’s okay.... _

_ Son Shownu: today is the final for volleyball.  _

_ Yoo Kihyun: … are you going? _

_ Son Shownu: yes! My senior will be there to cheer for his bf. Also most of my friends will be there too. _

_ Yoo Kihyun: you must have a lot of friends… why would you waste your time with me? _

_ Son Shownu: something makes you special _

Kihyun directed his eyes towards Shownu and the latter received it, giving him a smile in return.

+++

Jaejoong was nervous. It was the final day - the final proof. He has been practicing non-stop during his free time. The final team has been gathering to come up with different strategies and possibilities. The final members were a mystery. They watched matches online with different players, but it was different in each one of them. It was a bit of a headache but they needed to do it. That way, they could have a glimpse of what was happening. 

He was in the locker area - which was huge. They were divided in order to not see their opponents. They were dressed in whatever uniform they used to compete either in the past or they bought from their favorite team. The difference was that the team captain had a band on his arm instead of a different colored uniform.

And he was the captain.

He shrugged. He really didn’t want to be but they voted for him. He had extra pressure on his shoulders. If they lost, it would be his fault - if he didn’t get chosen, it was his fault as well. But he had to remain positive and to maintain his peacefulness. Whatever was deemed to happen, would happen.

“Hey, captain, we are out in five,” mentioned Key, sitting beside him. “I’m nervous.”

“Trust me, me too,” said Jaejoong letting out a heavy sigh. “We just have to do our best.” 

“My friend texted me and the stadium is full,” he said with a smile on his face. “It reminds me of when we went for competitions across the country.” 

“Oh yeah,” was Jaejoong’s response with a half-smile. “I was in Jeju, so it was exciting to be able to see the other teams.” 

“Nice!” replied Key. “I was in Ansan. Wasn’t it hard for you? Jeju Island is very far and I thought they didn’t have a team?”

“They do,” responded the captain while he stood up. “But we were sponsored by Daejeon, which was the closest city to us. So they had two teams, but one continues to be professional and our high school team. We mainly participated in trials and we served as an opening act against other high school teams. It was fun, but I left. They are still running - my vice-captain became captain and he continues to be passionate. We are also number one in the region, so I think that as long as someone is willing to push it forward, we can maintain our place and team.” 

“Ansan was focused on Incheon and Seoul,” was the other’s response. “And it was truly different from you. But, here we are.” 

“Here we are,” was Jaejoong’s response, starting the line. As the temporary captain, he was on the front, followed by the five other players. Since the team was small, they did not have a vice-captain. There was also no change of players - they would run the three sets by themselves. It was going to be tiring, but they were optimistic. 

The crowd went wild when they saw the challengers and Jaejoong laughed when he saw a sign with his name. He was sure that it was Nami’s idea. She was crazy and most of them for the sake of entertainment followed her steps. By that area, he also saw another sign with Wonho’s name in it.

That meant Wonho was going to compete.

“Damn it,” he muttered under his breath. Wonho was a difficult player. He saw him playing in a match online and he was the best server of the entire team. Once he got in that position, it was hard to take him out of there. He was a great server, but he lacked the patient and style Wonho had. It was surreal. 

Shortly after they entered and positioned themselves, the team entered and Jaejoong almost lost his cool.

Ohmke was participating?

His fan club went wild - even if he wasn’t participating, they would be there to support him.

He wasn’t going to like this.

So far, Jaejoong knew four out of the six players - something to his advantage.

But Yunho wasn’t participating.

When his name came to his mind, he decided to look at his side and saw him in the same position that Wonho was before. He was going to be the referee of the match - that only meant one thing for him: he was going to vigilate everything that happened. That could put his team at a disadvantage. 

Before the referee gave out instructions, Jaejoong reunited the team for a short second and gave them encouragement.

“One of us will be disqualified and I hope it is me,” said the captain like the humble human he was. “Let’s have fun and try our best.” 

“Yes, captain!”

Yunho saw Jaejoong’s behavior and smiled to himself. He was a true captain.

And it wasn’t good for his confused heart.


	12. บท

Yunho was beyond pissed. The president, who is supposed to know the rules better than any of them, kept messing up. Not only did it put their pride in jeopardy as a team, but it hurt him to see it. He kept seeing how he continued to scream at his members instead of being supportive. Ohmke was the one messing up, not the others. He couldn’t see beyond his selfishness.

And the fact that they couldn’t change players broke him as well.

With all of those faults, the team was still winning. The same player had two yellow cards and it was barely the beginning of the second match. 

And it wasn’t because the captain was sucking at the game, but it was mostly Jin saving the game. It was getting ridiculous in his eyes.

Once again, he heard the referee’s whistle - another fault.

Yunho roamed his hair in frustration, knowing some of the other members were completely disappointed at the behavior. Everyone could commit mistakes - even he did sometimes, but not to this extent. This was way too much.

“What the fuck, Wonho?!” shouted Ohmke to the referee, this time being completely disrespectful to the one monitoring the game.

“You cannot serve that way,” said Wonho with his eyebrow arched. “You very well know you have to throw the ball, not leave it in your hands.” 

“I DID NOT DO THAT!” he screamed at him, throwing his hands to the air.

“Okay, enough,” Wonho took out his red card and the whole stadium went silent. 

Ohmke opened his eyes in disbelief and was about to say some other words, but Yunho couldn’t handle it - this was becoming a circus.

“Enough,” was the vice-president words, grabbing his arm and taking him out of the player area. He knew Ohmke wouldn’t sit down in the penalty area, so he took him out of the stadium immediately while one of the members took his place.

Once they both arrived far from the commotion on the University’s stadium main hall, Ohmke forcefully made Yunho let him go and began to shout at him.

“Who do you think you are?!” he began, his eyes bloodshot red at the angriness he had inside. “You are less than me in any way possible!” 

“You are not behaving like a captain!” he shouted back. He couldn’t hold it - he was beginning to let Ohmke’s words hurt him. “You are behaving like a ten-year-old who cannot accept he’s not worth being in the team!”

Ohmke lost it and he hit Yunho straight in the face.    
  


“You are a worthless piece of shit!” he screamed at him. “You were abandoned in the trash - no one loves you!” 

Yunho froze.

His fists started to clench as his breathing became more erratic. He wasn’t thinking about the consequences he was going to face after his actions. But he couldn’t do anything - he was so angry at his words. Who was he to tell him he wasn’t loved? Who was he to say those things about his family? 

No one!

He was no fucking one!

Yunho began to punch him back and forth, the tears he was holding starting to fall while he continued to punch Ohmke in the face. He was blinded by rage.

But it didn’t last long - he was taken by two people he couldn’t recognize at first. He tried to break the hold between them, he wanted to continue and hit him. He wanted to leave him with enough punches to respect him and his family for eternity. He was upset, he was full of rage - he wasn’t thinking properly. 

He never saw in what state was Ohmke either and at that time, he didn’t care. He was disappointed, he was filled with hatred - he couldn’t believe a person he held up so much was behaving like a stupid spoiled rich brat.

Which he was.

However, he always kept it inside him. He always tried to be a model even if the captain wasn’t. He always told his members to not worry that whatever Ohmke said was for their benefit, even if it didn’t make sense to him either. He defended him even when they told him several times he should be the captain. He never tried to step above him. 

But he went too far.

He crossed the damn line.

And the next few minutes he spent them trying to calm down, his two closest friends on the volleyball team trying to make him breathe and make him come back to earth. It took a while - his erratic breathing didn’t want to calm down that easily but he had to let it go. Whatever happened, it already was done. There was nothing he could do still holding on those words that hurt him to no end.

“Where is he?” asked a calmer Yunho.

“Infirmary,” replied Wonho. “You did a number on him.” 

“He deserved it,” were the vice-captain’s words. He knew he could get suspended or even worse - expelled. He wasn’t as rich as that bastard. He worked hard for his grades and for his time. It was the only way he could continue to be at the same University. Thanks to the volleyball team, everything was covered. He loved the sports, but one of the reasons he continued to be in the team even though he hated Ohmke’s guts was his scholarship.

At least if it happened, he wouldn’t have to see his stupid dumb face again.

“I know,” answered Wonho in a concerned voice. “I heard what he told you.”

And Yunho’s face went from serious to depressed in a heartbeat.

“He was a douche, Yunho and we cannot deny it,” said San this time, one of the members of the volleyball club and his other closest friend. “I wasn’t there to listen, but I am sure Wonho’s right. We both know how much you hate when someone mentions your family in an ill way. I am not justifying him - he looked for those punches, but what I do detest is the fact that his stupid friends will advocate for him and say he was the victim when he clearly wasn’t and that will put you in jeopardy. The motherfucker is filthy rich.” 

Yunho sighed, knowing there was nothing he could do but accept the consequences.

That made him realize the fact that Wonho was there and not in the match.

“Hey,” he directed his voice towards Wonho. “What are you doing here?” 

San and Wonho laughed.

“Game is suspended, Yunho,” said Wonho. “Once Yuta substituted Ohmke, the coach came. He watched the entire thing from the bleachers.” 

Yunho touched his face in disbelief - the coach was there.

“Yeah,” continued San. “He came down and declared the other team as a winner. He apologized to everyone and made sure that the team was aware of what happened. He said he would choose the people who will enter the team instead of us.” 

“Good,” said the vice-president. “That would be better.” 

“He also said that he would talk to both of you individually,” finalized San. “You should be prepared for whatever outcome and remember, both Wonho and I will be there for you.” 

Yunho slightly smiled, feeling his best friends’ pat. “Thanks…” 

  
  


+++

Jaejoong was already at his apartment, freshly washed. He was concerned - he had to admit it. He saw when Yunho practically dragged the president out of the stadium when Wonho showed the red card. He wanted to follow them, he felt the urge to do so, but Key grabbed him and he knew it wasn’t his call to do such. 

He was the captain at that time and he needed to continue the game.

Shortly after, he saw Wonho’s serious face becoming worried as time passed. The second match came to an end and the coach of the team came, declaring them as the winner. It took them as a surprise since they were tied - the first match was won by the University’s team and they were barely ahead by two points. They still had another match to determine the final winner, but he knew that the trainer was suspecting something.

He was very thorough with his explanation. The University’s team had an expulsion and that deducted points. It wasn’t enough to declare them the winners, but it was enough for the stadium to understand. 

However, he knew that some people who are passionate about sports did not believe that explanation.

Like Nami.

In a separate chat, Nami was telling him how she knew the trainer was bullshitting the entire public. She knew the rules by heart and it wasn’t a determining factor - not to that point. Jaejoong had no way of backing the trainer, she was right.

But he had to admit he was extremely worried about Yunho’s wellbeing. 

Jaejoong blankly looked at his phone, a picture of Yunho’s Instagram as his background picture. He sadly smiled, knowing the only thing he could wish was for him to be okay.

Seconds later, a message came in the group chat he had with his closest friends.

_ Wonho _

_ Hey guys, I just want to give a quick update. Minhyuk is with me. Yunho is okay, but he did a number on Ohmke.  _

Jaejoong’s heart stopped.

And at the same time, he received a call from his grandfather.

Jaejoong bit his lips, knowing this wasn’t going well.

He answered with a brief  _ hello. _

_ “Do you know what happened with your brother?”  _ he heard his grandfather over the phone, but he was ready, to tell the truth.

He wasn’t scared of telling what happened.

“I don’t,” he replied, being truthful. “I am sure you are aware that I am currently doing the trails.” 

_ “Yeah, I know,” _ was his serious response. He admired his grandfather - he wasn’t that lovingly or demonstrated what he felt easy, but he was respectful and always chose the way of the truth.

Like the judge he was.

And one of the most prestigious ones.

He was the Attorney General of the country. He had a very high position and very high expectations about his grandchildren.

_ “He didn’t want you there,” _ said his grandfather.

“I know,” said this time Jaejoong. “But grandpa, you know how I am…”

_ “And that’s understandable,” _ was his reply.  _ “You always liked the sport - more than him, but I don’t understand what he is doing. He is a waste of time.” _

“Grandpa…” murmured Jaejoong. He understood his point of view, but he was harsh at times. No matter how much he disliked his brother, although he hoped he would change, he tried to not foulmouth him.

_ “Jaejoong, you have always been an exemplary kid,” _ he continued.  _ “You had your moments of rebellion because you are a teenager and that’s okay. I am not saying you shouldn’t, but Ohmke has never been respectful to this family, to you, or anyone - he always likes to do whatever he wants without thinking about the consequences. If he could only be like you, this family would be at peace.” _

Jaejoong sadly smiled to himself but didn’t say anything to his grandfather.

_ “He will be penalized,” _ said his grandfather.  _ “The coach called me and explained the situation. He was a bit afraid of my response, but Ohmke deserved it. He needs to start realizing his actions have consequences. I hope this makes him come back and behave like a young adult instead of a kid.” _

“I am sure he will come after me,” replied Jaejoong. 

_ “If he does, call me,” _ was his grandfather’s answer.  _ “Your father cannot control him, but I will.”  _

“Okay, grandpa.”

_ “Well, I need to go but remember to come this weekend,” _ were his final words before he hung up.

Jaejoong sighed, his mind completely confused but he would deal with his feelings later.

He had about 30 messages on the chat. They spoke a lot on there and it was mostly random, but he was sure something bigger was happening and he decided to open it.

_ Son Shownu _

_ Want me to go over there? _

_ Shin Wonho _

_ That’s fine - Minhyuk is just nervous because of me. He doesn’t want the coach to kick me out as well, but I told him I did everything as it was supposed. I actually was too good to Ohmke. I should have expelled him out a long time ago.  _

_ Fujiwara Nami _

_ Hey, don’t worry… I was talking to Jaejoong. He’s a bit worried but he’s doing okay. Cheska has an upcoming exam and went straight to study, but told me to email her if anything. Her phone is turned off. _

_ Mina Bonne-Garat _ _   
_ _ I loved the match even though a lot of things happened! _

_ Ong Kirs _

_ Yeah, me too. _

_ Song Mingi _

_ I guess that whatever happened was serious enough for Yunho to engage in violence. He seems very calm. _

_ Shin Wonho _

_ He is - I cannot say what Ohmke told him, but I can assure you that it could have been worse. I did arrive on time to stop him, but he might be expelled. The coach expelled Ohmke and he was the president of the club. He just told us the news - I do not know what happened inside, but I am sure that Ohmke might try and pull his strings. He is very powerful in the University, his grandparent is Head Judge of the Supreme Court. His dad is one of the most renewed attorneys in the region.  _

_ Fujiwara Nami _

_ Fuck _

_ Son Shownu _

_ Is the Lee Gunmo? I know him because of that famous case that appeared on the TV, about the woman killing the man but she deemed it as a suicide. I do not know what was the outcome but he was her defense lawyer. _

_ Shin Wonho _

_ Yeah, that one. _

_ Mina Bonne-Garat _

_ I have heard of him! But unfortunately, the richer you are, the more you have. _

_ Ong Kirs _

_ Which I hate. No matter how rich we are, the truth should always win. Why do adults try to cover things up with the money? What’s the point? _

_ Fujiwara Nami _

_ Power. It is all about power. _

Jaejoong’s heart dropped.


	13. 章 (Zhang)

Yunho was at a bar - he didn’t feel like going to University. He skipped the whole day.

He was suspended until further notice.

It was better than being expelled, but they didn’t give him a date. He didn’t know if it could be a couple of days or the entire semester. He was going to lose so many things during that time and he hated it. He couldn’t deal with the fact that defending his family could cause this.

And he would do it again. 

He didn’t regret it.

He sighed, his cell phone turned off. He wasn’t willing to talk with anyone. The only thing he said to Wonho was that he needed to be alone and that he would take the day off. It was pretty early still, at about 5 pm. 

The thing is that he didn’t even care about Gina. She has been calling him day and night ever since it happened and he wasn’t returning her calls. He didn’t want to be annoyed by anyone and unfortunately, having her by his side would cause him more pain than happiness.

And he was beginning to doubt his real feelings about her.

Yunho sighed - his life was a mess. First, he wanted to be closer to Jaejoong. He wanted it to happen but he didn’t know-how. Second, he has been watching him from afar in every single space he has been. He was like a silent stalker that no one noticed. He waited for him to come out from his classes and followed him from afar, he also overheard where he was supposed to practice and went there. 

He seemed crazy and he was sure he was. 

Why was he having this fascination for someone he has only met a couple of times and doesn’t even acknowledge his existence?

Why was he feeling that his relationship was a burden instead of happiness?

And lastly, he was suspended from his team.

It was becoming harder every day and he was trying his best to overcome his problems, but it was slipping out from his hands.

He took a shot of tequila straight before requesting for another, his throat burning.

“Oh?” he heard someone say and he slowly turned, knowing that it was directed to him. There was no one at the bar except the bartender and the waitress. 

“Yunho,” said the other to him with a smile on his face.

“Ah, Shownu,” he said, smiling a bit in return. It seemed like he was alone.

“May I sit down?” asked the newcomer and the vice-president of the volleyball club nodded with his head, while Shownu dragged the chair and accommodated himself.

“I won’t ask how’s it going because I am sure it’s bad,” he said before asking for a shot himself. “But if you want to talk, feel free - I have the entire day free.” 

“You are in Engineering, right?” said Yunho, the shot glass was already in its place. “Isn’t it hard?” 

“Yeah,” replied the swimming club member. “And being part of the swimming team is very exhausting, but I enjoy it.” 

“I have seen your Instagram videos,” confessed Yunho. “You are very good at the guitar. Why aren’t you in the music club?” 

Shownu bittersweet smiled, but he thought it was a good idea to let him know. After all, he was the junior of his best friend’s boyfriend. That also meant that if he opened his heart, Yunho could release that anger and desperation he was holding inside.

He also had nothing to lose - he already went into a fight with his family about it. 

They discovered his Instagram.

“It’s a long story - are you ready?” 

“I’m all ears,” was Yunho’s response, and Shownu started to tell his story.

“My parents are both engineers,” he began, taking the shot before asking for another one. “My dad is the owner of the Son Global.” 

“No!” gasped Yunho, his eyes opening in disbelief. “Fuck, sorry - you are a millionaire!” 

“Yes,” laughed a bit Shownu. “Well - it is mostly my parents' money, not mine. But I do get what you mean.” 

“I keep forgetting this University is full of millionaires,” was his response, but didn’t and much stock into it. He wanted Shownu to tell him what he wanted to say.

“So they want their only son to be an engineer so I can continue the family’s business, but I have never been interested,” he continued. “Like Minhyuk told you - I don’t like engineering. I am only here because of my parents. I am even surprised I passed the entrance exam. I didn’t study and neither did I want tutors, I wanted to be my person and be what I wanted to be. However, I have to say that my parents have a lot of pulls and they are extremely manipulative. Even if I wanted to be against them, it would be extremely hard. I am 18 years old, no future ahead of me and with such powerful humans on top of me,” he sighed, drinking the second shot.

Yunho remained silent.

“They made sure I couldn’t enter the music club,” he confessed. “They haven’t told me anything, but I am sure it was them. Cheska confessed that I was the best candidate and yet, I didn’t get chosen. I wasn’t going to enroll in any other club due to my deception, but I want to have an excuse to not go home. I went to the swimming club since it is something I enjoy and that I was enrolled in at my previous school. I try to not post my face online and I mainly record in places that aren’t similar to my surroundings, but the last video showed my school ring and they noticed it was me.” 

“They told me I needed to be home before a certain time and I went - knowing that it was coming. I deleted the video but it was too late…” Shownu sighed. “We got into a big fight and they told me they would shorten my allowance and they went to my apartment and trashed it. However, I am a bit smarter and my guitar is at my University’s locker, which they do not know I have because it is under another person’s name and not mine.” 

“May I ask who has it?” Yunho said out of curiosity, not expecting his answer.

“Jaejoong has it,” he said, his third and fourth shot already gone. “I asked him if he could put it there. I did not give him the entire explanation like I am telling you, but I did tell him I have a lot of problems with my parents.” 

“Jaejoong seems very willing and cooperative,” suddenly said Yunho. “He always says yes and likes to help…” 

“It’s in his nature,” replied Shownu with a smile. “He doesn’t ask - he waits for you to say something. And I don’t know him that well, but I am getting there.” 

“Are you… interested in him?” asked the volleyball player, trying to hide his jealousy tone. He hoped he was successful.

“Oh, no,” answered the swimming club member with a smile. “If I wasn’t interested in someone else, I would consider hitting on him, but he’s not on my radar.” 

Yunho almost sighed in relief but tried to suppress it. He ordered another set of drinks before saying something else to Shownu.

“I’ll go to the bathroom - I’ll be right back, the drinks for this round are on me,” was all he said before standing up and leaving temporarily and Shownu smiled.

Yunho likes Jaejoong but was having problems admitting it.

He would have problems too - because he wasn’t single.

That was something he would not interfere with, he hoped Yunho realized before it was too late.

He decided to take his cell phone out and unblock it, the chat he wanted to use appearing on a green screen.

_ Yoo Kihyun _

_ Why… Did you delete your IG video? I liked it… _

_ Son Shownu _

_ Because I didn’t, it was too common.  _

His reply didn’t sound amicable, but he didn’t want to tell Kihyun what was happening - at least not for now. They have been chatting ever since, but it was mostly silent on Kihyun’s part. He wasn’t very talkative and seemed to have a hard impression on people. He liked to keep things to himself and they never talked about him. Shownu was trying to break that wall, but it was very difficult. 

But he was persistent - he would make it happen somehow.

_ Yoo Kihyun _

_ Oh… _

_ Son Shownu _

_ But if you want it, I can send the video to you. _

_ Yoo Kihyun _

_ Ummm… _

_ Son Shownu _

_ I know you won’t ask, so here it is _

He attached it, but the original piece, where his face could be seen. A couple of minutes passed before he received a response from the other.

_ Yoo Kihyun _

_ … I like this one better _

Shownu smiled.

_ Son Shownu _

_ All yours.  _

_ Yoo Kihyun _

_ Where… are you? _

_ Son Shownu _

_ I am at a bar. I was feeling kind of down and decided to come here for a refresher. I found a friend here and we have been chatting. He went to the bathroom. I am sure you know him. He’s the vice president of the volleyball club. _

_ Yoo Kihyun _

_ Uh… I don’t… _

Shownu was surprised at his remark, but he was very stupid to be that way. From what he has spoken to Kihyun, he seemed to not have any friends. He mostly went to University to study and that was all. He didn’t even think he was in a club either.

_ Son Shownu _

_ It’s okay :) his name is Yunho. He is in his second year in Psychology. He is very famous. He has a girlfriend but he likes someone else. I am telling you this because I know you won’t tell me. _

And he also didn’t want Kihyun to suspect he was hitting on Yunho.

He didn’t know why - but he preferred to be clear. Although Kihyun didn’t know, he was the only person on his mind.

_ Yoo Kihyun _

_ Why is he with someone he doesn't like anymore? _

_ Son Shownu _

_ He’s confused. I do not know the entire details. It is something I observed recently. That’s something he needs to figure out on his own. _

_ Yoo Kihyun _

_ … He should be straightforward. It is bad to lie… _

_ Son Shownu _

_ It is, but there is nothing we can do. I have no right to interfere. _

He was waiting for Kihyun to respond when the other came back, sitting down with a long sigh.

“There was a whole ass line!” he exclaimed. “I don’t know why it became so full suddenly. Wasn’t it 5 pm?”

“I think our conversation went longer than that - it is already 7:30 pm.” 

“God damn it,” he said, drinking his seventh shot. He was getting tipsy. “Time flies.”

“I know,” was his response, quickly replying to Kihyun since he wasn’t answering as quickly as he expected.

_ Son Shownu _

_ Hey, he came back. I’ll text you when I get home. I am at this address. I might get drunk but don’t worry. I just wanted to let you know. _

Shownu proceeded to put his phone in silence mode and put it on his pocket while Yunho started to blabber about how stupid he thought his coach was for suspending him.


	14. باب (Bab)

Shownu and Yunho were wasted. They didn’t even know who was drunker. They laughed and danced with girls around. Shownu recalls seeing Yunho flirting with one and almost kissing her, but he doesn’t even know his name at this point.

All he knows is that he misses Kihyun.

And his stupid ass decided to step out for a bit to take fresh air, his shirt half-drenched in sweat. He called the other as his mind depended on it.

_ “Hello…?”  _

“Kihyun!” he screamed while he laughed at the phone. “I miss you! I miss your voice!” 

_ “You told me you were going to be drunk, but not to this extent,” _ was his response. His voice was always either neutral or serious. There was no joy or happiness.

And Shownu wanted to be his happiness.

“I knowwww!” he replied, going back and forth. “We never talk over the phone! Why am I missing your voice?” 

_ “... I don’t know…”  _

“I want to be your entire happiness!” he shouted with a smile on his face, his blurry eyes looking at the third moon. “I hope… I hope you can trust me enough one day to make you smile!” 

_ “... Are you still at the same bar?”  _

“Yessss!” he screamed, feeling a very familiar hand on top of his shoulder.

“Brooo let’s go! We are playing pool!” he heard a voice as drunk as his inviting him back inside.

_ “Is that… the friend you told me?” _

“Yes, sweetie,” he called him without noticing. “I’m going!!! Love you, Kiki,” and without hearing any other response, he hung up the call and hugged Yunho, both laughing and going back to play pool.

He didn’t know how it affected Kihyun.

Kihyun stood on his bed with the phone on his hand, looking at nowhere in particular. His eyes were covered in tears and he felt lonely.

More than any other day.

And he was feeling a turmoil of emotions. He didn’t know what to say or what to expect. It has been merely days, how could Shownu tell him so much while drunk? He wasn’t thinking properly and there he was, taking his words to heart.

But he wasn’t trusty. He hated people in general -, especially women. How would Shownu feel when he tells him how dirty he was?

“No…” he muttered, his broken voice being heard in his empty and solitude room. “He will never know...He cannot know…” 

“Once he does… He will hate me forever…” he whispered to no one but himself.

He was heartbroken over the fact that Shownu told him he loved him.

He has never felt love before - not even from his mother. She was just protective over what happened and his father was the most loving man in the world, but he was afraid of loving him back.

He must be insane, feeling pitiness towards himself. He couldn’t even love his father when he has been nothing but a good man.

And no matter how many therapists he has gone through, they always tell him the same thing.

He was afraid of love.

But even in his insanity, he knew he needed Shownu.

Kihyun sighed and stood up from his bed, his thoughts still torturing him. He grabbed the keys of the car he barely uses with his small black backpack and left his house, the direction of the bar Shownu was on in his phone’s GPS.

At the other side of the town, Jaejoong was scrolling through his Instagram, his LINE chat was active, all the people changed their unusual nicknames to their real names.

Welcome to University - where you have to reunite and do group supervision with people you might never see again in your life.

He stopped when he saw Shownu’s selfie, which was weird. He never posted his face, something big must have happened.

  
  
  
  
  


_ itshowtime _

_ Too drunk to care… sitting in this car because I am about to throw all the alcohol out… Also, where’s @jungvolleyball? He was here!!!!!!!!!!!! _

_ #idonthaveanyhashtags #ugh #hellooooo _

_ View all 234 comments _

_ outspoken-east Hey, are you okay? _

_ oceanbluenami Oh, no. He’s with Yunho… _

_ hohohonotsantaclaus That stupid asshole is with you?! You better answer my phone call. I will pick him up right now. _

_ kuwhale imma hit your ass! You missed half your classes!!!! _

_ queenoftheater I’m completely lost. Qu'est-ce qui se passe? _

However, the location Shownu was at looked extremely familiar to him. Even though he was in a car, there were a couple of signs that reminded him of somewhere in particular. It was a place he frequented…

Then a couple of seconds later, it clicked in his mind.

That was the bar near his home!

They weren’t that far from here and he felt the responsibility of taking his car keys and looking for Yunho. He knew he would regret it - he shouldn’t mess with the other. They weren’t even close friends. He just loved him at first sight. 

However, he knew that Wonho and Minhyuk were very worried and it was highly unlikely they would know where they were at. Wonho has been complaining the entire day about how Yunho is not cooperative and turned his phone off. He knew that he needed some time alone, but usually, he turns it back on from time to time just to check-in.

This time, it hadn't happened and he was very upset.

In a matter of minutes, Jaejoong saw himself in his car, driving to Yunho’s location.

While Wonho kept complaining about the chat how neither Shownu nor Yunho was responding to his calls.

The ride was short and he parked behind another black car, very similar to his. It was a different model - it was an Audi while his was a Mercedes. He liked to memorize the car in front of him just in case he forgets where he parked. He knew that sometimes that was stupid since cars came and went, but he had that bad habit.

As he placed his keys on his shorts, he saw another person coming out of the car. He looked very scared and was dressed in all black. He had his phone on his hand, his trembling movements getting his attention.

The other was taking deep breaths, it seemed that he was not comfortable where he was at.

Jaejoong decided it would be better to ask, so he slowly approached him but maintained his distance. He didn’t want him to be more uncomfortable than he already was. 

“Hey…” he slowly asked him, looking at the shivering eyes of the other. “Are you okay?” 

Kihyun took a few steps back - he didn’t like people, less those he didn’t know. He really felt vulnerable, he didn’t even know why he was doing there. Shownu was a grown-ass man, he could defend himself even if he was drunk. This was not something he was used to - heck, he didn’t even like to go out. He mostly read at his home and was a very boring person.

“I’m sorry to be abrupt,” said Jaejoong, knowing that the other person was not going to talk to him that easily. If it were another time, he would insist - but he was worried shitless about Yunho. “I just saw you were very nervous. I am here to look for a friend as well, so I will be on my way,” were his final words before he bowed to the other, but he stopped him with some words.

“Wait,” he said. His voice was nice, but it was confusing. Jaejoong turned back and looked at him.

“Ummm…” he began, taking his phone out and showing a picture that was very familiar to the other. “I am looking for him… He told me over the phone he was going to be with a friend… as well… I do not know if it is the same friend you are looking for…” 

Shownu’s Instagram.

“Yes,” he said with a smile on his face. “I am here to pick up the other friend. His name is Yunho.”

“Oh,” said Kihyun with a slight smile and a relief face. “I am… not familiar with places like this…” he gave a hint of scariness, but it was okay for Jaejoong. He could ask for someone to help him with Shownu. He wouldn’t ask for the other person why he was so hesitant to enter or why he was there, to begin with - the highly doubted he would see him again. 

“That’s fine,” replied Jaejoong. “I will ask for someone to help me with Shownu. I’ll grab both and come back, wait here, okay?”

Kihyun nodded and saw the other’s silhouette jogging towards the entrance of the club. He decided to enter his car and close it, a slight smile coming to his face.

He will see Shownu today.

Jaejoong was already inside the bar. It was packed, but he could distinguish the people inside.

And he knew he wasn’t going to like it.

His eyes tried to look for a grey hoodie and he spent a couple of minutes until he finally saw a group of girls surrounding two very tall, but handsome men. One of them was almost kissing the other and the other seemed like he didn’t care. He was just drinking and having fun.

Jaejoong sighed and went straight there, stopping when his eyes connected with Yunho’s.

“LOVE!” he screamed, pushing the girls out of his way. He immediately threw himself at Jaejoong and started to kiss his face, the newcomer’s ear becoming red at his stupidity.

But oh, how he loved the feeling. 

“Yunho, you are drunk - we are leaving,” he told him and Yunho just nodded a couple of times. 

“Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, it’s Yunho’s man!!!!” said Shownu, wobbling towards them. “How are yaaaaaaa.” 

“The guy you like is here,” he said, hoping it would knock some sense into his drunk head.

“Whooooooooooooooooooo?????” 

Jaejoong sighed. This wouldn’t go anywhere. He then saw one of the waitresses offering help to him, which he truly appreciated. He made Yunho’s arm go through his neck and put his arm around his waist, helping him to go outside. He was so drunk he couldn’t even understand what he was blabbering around. 

Once outside, he saw Kihyun immediately stepping out of his car while he opened the passenger’s seat for the waitress to put him inside. Shownu was halfway asleep, so he isn't as talkative as Yunho. Jaejoong was going to tip him but Kihyun did it - and he gave an amazing tip. The waitress didn’t want to accept it, but Jaejoong persuaded him. It wasn’t his job to do and he did.

After the guy left and both the drunkards were inside the two cars, Jaejoong went to Kihyun.

“Thank you,” was the first thing he heard from the other’s mouth and he slightly smiled.

“It’s okay - no need to worry,” was Jaejoong’s response. “I bet you do not know where his house is. Are you comfortable bringing him to your house?” 

“No…” 

Jaejoong chuckled. “Are you comfortable bringing him to his house?” 

Kihyun denied with his head.

“We barely know each other, but I guess the best bet would be if we went to my house?” he offered as a last resource. He didn’t mind all of them being in his apartment. It was big enough. He had two bedrooms and two bathrooms - it was in a luxury complex with tight security. The other room was empty and they could fit without a lot of problems.

“Yeah…” answered Kihyun. He wasn’t that convinced, but he could have someone there who was coherent enough. He wasn’t that much of a help either - he had no idea what to do with a drunk man.

And his mother would absolutely not accept him in the home.

He also didn’t know how Shownu would react with him once he woke up. Maybe he would feel disgusted. He didn’t want to deal with the rejection.

“Well, let’s exchange numbers,” he said, extending his hand to the other. Kihyun gave him his unblocked phone and Jaejoong called himself, putting his address on the GPS.

“Well, there you go,” responded the volleyball player. “Let’s go.”

Kihyun nodded.


	15. 章 (Fumi)

Jaejoong was tired. He had to help the other guy with Shownu, and he was the heaviest out of the four. He thought Yunho was, but he was wrong. At least, the two drunkards were in the other room, snoring like it was nobody’s business. He kindly closed the door and sat down in the small table he had, where the other was located.

“I know your name, Shownu mentioned it a couple of times, but I forgot,” he said amicably - he wanted the other to be more trusty. It seemed that it was going to take time and he might not be able to have him step out of it, but he could try. 

“Kihyun…” he replied in a whisper and Jaejoong smiled.

“My name is Jaejoong,” responded the blonde. “I bet you are very quiet, so it is okay if you do not want to talk,” continued the youngest. “I can offer you my room to sleep and I can sleep on the couch.”

Kihyun denied with his head. “You were kind enough to bring a stranger in… I will sleep on the couch…” 

“Or do you want to sleep with Shownu?” he said as a joke and Kihyun almost choked in his own saliva, his ears becoming red at his suggestion. 

“You know, this might be rather quick and I do not know how is your relationship going with Shownu, but he is single - take the opportunity,” commenced the freshman. “You seem very intriguing and very lonely, something must have happened to you that you are like this and that’s okay - you do not have to tell me, but at the same time, this is an advantage because you can observe people and know-how good or bad they are.” 

Kihyun briefly sighed. He didn’t know how Jaejoong got every single thing about him that easily, but he was too observant to the point it made him crazy. That’s why he couldn’t trust people in general, that’s why he had so many demons he was battling inside. But he didn’t know why he and Shownu were so trustworthy in his eyes. He has spoken to countless therapists, psychologists, people he considered ‘friends’ and he still behaved the same way.

He didn’t speak to them. He never opened his feelings. He always blocked them and put a wall between them. It took sometimes months or even years for him to say one or two words. Even a simple ‘no’ was worthy in their eyes.

And with these two, he has shared more words than he ever imagined.

“I think I am too outspoken, so you can tell me if I am making you uncomfortable,” said Jaejoong, deciding it would be best to tell him what he felt. The others suspected it - especially Wonho, but he never admitted it out loud. The ones that knew because they came to their own conclusions were Nami and Cheska, but it was never something he told them out loud. 

Admitting it to them was admitting defeat - and he respected them. He couldn’t put his feelings out there knowing the other was prohibited.

But he was feeling the same thing he felt when he first met Nami. It was different, but he knew the other was too kept to himself to be able to share his biggest secret.

And maybe, just maybe, this would help the other too.

Kihyun remained to be quiet and Jaejoong took it as a good sign. Based on his observations, if he wanted to leave or felt uncomfortable, he would have left for the couch already. 

“I’m in love with Yunho,” he confessed, the other’s face remained the same as they spoke. “He has a girlfriend and he has been with her for over a year. It could seem stupid, but I was mesmerized by him ever since I saw him. I had two reasons to enter the volleyball club - my love for sports and him. Even if it is on hold, I still want to be there. I want to show him how good I am.” 

“He will continue his life while I do mine, and I don’t even care if I am not his friend - it was a mere coincidence I knew where he was. Heck, we don’t even have each other’s phone number,” he said while he laughed - but to Kihyun it sounded like breaking hearts apart. “But I want to do it. I want to quietly stand by his side.”

“I am just telling you this so you can try and open your heart to Shownu before someone snatches him away from you,” were his sincere words and Kihyun was deeply analyzing them. 

But it was hard.

He couldn’t tell him how broken his body was and how dirty he was. It was something he cannot share. He was ashamed and it taunted him day and night.

How could he give his heart, mind, and soul to someone as pure as Shownu?   
  


Kihyun looked at his hands, his lost mind somewhere else after the fresher’s confession.

Jaejoong knew he needed time alone and he stood up, ready to leave when he heard something that tore his soul to pieces.

“I was raped,” confessed Kihyun, his eyes still looking at his own hands. “I was eight. It was by a woman.” 

Jaejoong turned around, the tears surrounding his eyes and about to fall. But what he saw, made him start sobbing.

Kihyun was broken. He saw the broken boy and his insides. He saw his true personality and the one he didn’t want Shownu to see. He saw the mistrust, the life he had loathed his entire life.

“I am filthy, I am used…” he whispered, the tears falling from his eyes. “And I don’t trust people. I can’t trust Shownu…” 

“Why are you telling me this?” asked Jaejoong, his tone sounding devastated. 

“Because I don’t love you…” he said and the other broke more inside. “I don’t feel anything towards you… Maybe… in the future… I can feel something else… I don’t know… But that’s why… There’s nothing towards you…” 

Jaejoong started crying, kneeling beside the other. He was feeling his pain deep inside and he didn’t know how to stop it. 

Kihyun continued to watch his tears caressing his cheek, but he was clear. 

Ever since he sat down beside Shownu was his downfall.

Ever since his eyes laid on his back he felt something he has never felt before.

Ever since he decided to wait for the other every day until he appeared again, he knew he was at risk.

Ever since he decided to step out of his comfort zone and pick the other in a drunk state, he knew it was too late.

But how could he know what he was exactly feeling when he has never felt love anywhere? 

And there he spent the night, the inconsolable Jaejoong crying on the floor instead of him.

As it passed and the sunlight came to the apartment, Yunho woke up with a tremendous headache and no recall of what happened last night. He slowly stood up, his insides moving around like he wanted to throw up. He was feeling like shit and he was regretting his life choices.

He saw an asleep Shownu, completely dressed up, but looking as worse as him. He does recall seeing him and talking to him for hours before his mind decided to block him out completely. This is the second time it has happened to him and he doesn’t appreciate it. However, it was his fault for getting drunk in the first place.

He took a brief smell of his clothes and he felt disgusted - he smelled like pure alcohol and his mouth was the worst of them all. He opened the door and left it slightly open. He saw a person sleeping on the couch, but he didn’t recall anyone else besides Shownu.

That’s when he stopped.

He looked at his surroundings…

It wasn’t his apartment!

“What the fuck?!” he shouted, but then someone immediately came to him and slapped him in the arm.

“Shut up!” he murmured, looking at him upset. “You are going to wake up the others!” 

Yunho made a very defiant face, but then when he realized who was in front of him, his defense dropped.

“Jaejoong?” 

Jaejoong half-smiled.

“Yeah, dumbass,” he told him, a black apron surrounding his body. “I bet you do not remember, but I picked you up and you are in my apartment.” 

“How did you know where I was?” asked a very confused Yunho - he wasn’t sure of what happened last night, but was a hell of sure he did not have Jaejoong’s phone number.

“Come,” was all he said before taking his arm and dragging him to the kitchen. He had around 6 stools for him to sit down since his table was more like a bar style. Yunho proceeded to sit down while he watched Jaejoong washing his hands before starting to deal with the ingredients again.

“Shownu posted an IG picture and I recognized his background,” explained Jaejoong, chopping the rest of the onions. “The bar you were at is very close to my grandparents’ house and Wonho was very worried about you.” 

“I’m glad that it was you and not him,” he said with a smile. “He would have kicked my ass.” 

Jaejoong smiled to himself. “I wanted to tell him, but considering how pissed he was…” 

“Thank you for saving my head for a rant,” replied Yunho, standing up. “But I should head home, I have no clothes or anything…”

Jaejoong put the onions in the pan and turned around. “You don’t, but I do,” he said with a smile, decreasing the fire from the stove. “All my friends leave clothes here just in case. I am the only one that lives alone. The other one is Mina but she’s too picky.” 

“I don’t know all of your friends,” he said, very confused. He didn’t even know how he was so close to Wonho. 

Jaejoong laughed. “I’ll explain after you have a shower,” he said, giving him a set of clothes. “Shownu and you have almost the same height, so hope it fits you. And no worries - he has another set of clothes I set aside for him.” 

Yunho nodded and took it, directing himself to the bathroom based on the other’s instructions. After he left, Jaejoong let out a big sigh. He didn’t know how he took the strength to talk to him - he felt nervous and so many butterflies around him, but he couldn’t behave like he was used to. He needed to be stronger than that. 

He pushed his thoughts aside and left for the kitchen again.

A couple of hours later, **a** ll of the university students were at the kitchen-bar style table. Shownu was sitting beside Kihyun and Jaejoong was sitting beside Yunho on the other side. The table mostly consisted of rice and soup, but there were some meat and glasses of water. Kihyun was slowly eating, enjoying a home-cooked meal. It has been years since he last tasted something like this and he wished he was confident enough to ask Jaejoong to cook for him every day.

He was very picky with his food - the chefs prepared things for him. His mom could not cook to save her life and his father was a very busy man. 

It reminded him of his grandmother - it reminded him of love.

Kihyun wanted to smile, but he was so used to holding his feelings that he didn’t. He suppressed them again but enjoyed it to the fullest while he listened to Shownu and Yunho’s rant. 

“Wonho is going to kill me,” said Yunho while a sigh came out from his mouth. “And San too. My phone has been turned off for almost two days.” 

“I have too many friends, so I guess all of them will kill me,” replied Shownu with a smile, slurping on the food. “Jaejoong knows all of them. I am surprised they haven’t killed you either.” 

“They do not know you are here,” was his response, his cell phone sitting beside his plate. “They are asking me if I’m going, though.” 

“We are going to get kicked out,” said Yunho while signaling Shownu. “We have missed two days in a row. Fuck.” 

“I am sure you guys have people who can send notes,” replied Jaejoong, his eyes falling on top of the silent one.

“At what time is your class?” he asked. Yunho didn’t look at the newcomer, but Shownu did. 

“Oh, right - you have classes today,” responded Shownu on his behalf. 

“I… am not going…” he whispered and the other choked on his soup.

Jaejoong simply smiled to himself. He was sure that this was his first time cutting a class. And if it wasn’t - it shouldn’t surprise him either. A lot of people hide secrets and do stuff you cannot even imagine. 

“This is so weird,” said Yunho suddenly. “I have always seen you around. You are in IS, right?” 

Kihyun slightly nodded.

“I mean, I don’t want to be judgy, although I might sound like one, it is weird that you are suddenly talking to two people who may be too outspoken.” 

Jaejoong smiled and looked at Yunho. “And the one talking is the most popular guy in the entire University.” 

“Wait, but that is not by choice,” he tried to defend himself as the volleyball player, but then Jaejoong took a piece of bread and stuck it on his mouth. 

Shownu slightly laughed and looked back at Kihyun while the other two continued to fight.

“Thank you,” he told the other and the reserved one slowly stopped eating. “For picking me up. It must have been uncomfortable.”

“Jaejoong helped me…” he softly replied.

“Still, you came out of your comfort zone - I would have never imagined you would decide to come and get me.” 

Kihyun looked at him and their eyes connected, both of them losing themselves in each other. It was only for a couple of seconds, but it was enough to make Kihyun’s heart melt and be alive for that amount of time. The eldest decided to look back at his plate and eat a bit more, leaving Shownu with butterflies in his stomach and the most sincere smile he could ever have surrounding his face.


	16. Sura

The weekend passed too fast - the meal with his grandfather and father was a success. Ohmke did not appear and he was not even worried, in fact, he felt happy that he was able to spend an enjoyable time without him being a pest and he returned to the University. He hung out with his friends for the entire lunchtime, who also bombarded him with questions. He didn’t tell them anything that happened on that crazy, Thursday night. He was close to them - he loved them dearly, but he didn’t want to share it. They were things that were better left hidden. 

He stepped out of his class, saying bye to his classmates and he saw two bodyguards and a very familiar man walking in front of them.

There were a couple of people who had bodyguards around due to their status, but the only one in that building was Kihyun.

He smiled to himself and walked towards them. The bodyguards saw him and immediately stopped him once he was what they considered too close to Kihyun, but the other simply went in front of them - it was like his queue that it was okay to let the other approach him.

“Hey,” he amicable said, a smile covering his face. “Do you have any other class?”

Kihyun denied with his head.

“I have volleyball practice at 5 pm and it is barely 2 pm - I do not have any other classes. Do you want to have a drink?” 

Kihyun nodded.

“Okay, great! Let’s go,” he said as he began to walk beside Kihyun, speaking to him about a couple of things while the other acknowledged slowly with his head. Jaejoong became used to his attitude - he thought he would be the worst at it, but he wasn’t. 

As they chatted around, the bodyguards steadily but closely followed them around. However, he did see that Kihyun was going for the most lonesome corner. It did not surprise him, but it would take him a bit to walk back and forth. 

He truly did not want to leave Kihyun alone.

But he had to understand that he was used to this loneliness and he might be uncomfortable with him. Maybe he didn’t know how to say no. 

“Are you okay with me being here?” asked Jaejoong. He didn’t want to be rude, but he did want his opinion. 

Kihyun nodded.

“Okay,” was Jaejoong’s response. “What would you like to drink?”

“Ummm…” Kihyun was thinking. He did not have any response - he didn’t know why he even accepted.

He did like Jaejoong - he told him one of his biggest secrets. That meant he trusted him a bit. 

He didn’t know how to feel about that, but he wasn’t going to think about it any time soon either.

“A Taro boba is fine,” he said with a half-smile.

“I’ll be back really quick, then,” were Jaejoong’s words before leaving.

Kihyun took his cell phone out, knowing a couple of people were looking at his direction. He was always alone - no matter what. He didn’t care about other people’s lives, but he knew the gossip would always be there.

He saw an unread LINE message and opened it up without hesitation.

_ Son Shownu _

_ I finished classes… but I have to study… Minhyuk literally took me and closed me in the library.  _

_ Yoo Kihyun _

_ Is that… the very pretty friend of yours…? _

_ Son Shownu _

_ I have a couple of pretty friends…  _

_ Yoo Kihyun _

_...I know… _

Kihyun felt a ting in his heart. He did not know how to explain it and he wasn’t feeling like doing it either. He would just keep it close to his heart.

Although he hoped he wouldn’t feel it again.

It wasn’t something he liked. 

_ Son Shownu _

_ But you are the prettiest of them all. _

Kihyun felt his cheeks blushing. He wanted to stop it, but he didn’t know-how. His ears were also bloody red.

“Are you talking to Shownu?” said the newcomer, putting the requested boba tea in front of him.

Kihyun looked at him, his cheeks becoming redder at his comment.

Jaejoong laughed at his reaction. “You do not need to clarify with me. I know how you feel.”

The other only sighed. He does remember their little chat a couple of nights ago. He has not admitted what he felt, or if he even felt something at all, but sometimes other people understand you better than you should. 

“Do you want me to ask him if he can come?” 

“He… is busy…” replied Kihyun. 

And Jaejoong heard a tint of sadness in his voice.

“Let me check,” was Jaejoong’s response, opening his LINE.

_ Son Shownu _

_ Ugh, Minhyuk has me in the library!!!!! _

_ Shin Wonho _

_ I hope he had me in the library…………………………………………… _

_ Ong Kirs _

_ Bro, you perverttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt _

_ Mina B _

_ No one is as perverted as Min. _

_ Song Mingi _

_ Well, you are actually right _

_ Fujiwara Nami _

_ I am breaking up with you. _

_ Song Mingi _

_ You wish - but never mind. I cannot live without you. _

_ Ong Kirs _

_ I am about to puke?????????????????????? _

Jaejoong smiled. They were being idiots. “It seems that Shownu is in the library studying with Minhyuk.” 

“Is that… his pretty friend…?” he asked again, but Jaejoong noticed the sadness he wanted to hide.

“Yes,” he said with a smile. “But that pretty friend has a boyfriend. They have been together for about a year.”

Kihyun looked at him.

“Want me to show you our friends?” he said, he didn’t know if Kihyun would want to be interested, but maybe he would like to know more about Shownu.

And he wasn’t surprised when he saw the other nodding.

Jaejoong decided to grab his drink and sit beside him. He was close but respected his privacy. That way, they could discuss in private but at the same time, he could watch his screen. 

“I only have individual pictures,” he said with a smile. “We are very close, but it is weird. I met Nami first and then I met Cheska. After that, I met Shownu because Minhyuk, Wonho, and Yunho were at the same table…” 

“That’s when you fell in love with him?” the second-year student did not want to be that straightforward, but he didn’t know how to sugarcoat things.

Jaejoong half-smiled. “No. I saw him when he introduced the club. That’s when it all started.” 

And Kihyun started to connect the dots in his head. Jaejoong is the one Shownu spoke about. Yunho has a girlfriend, but he likes Jaejoong.

Why was love so complicated? 

“You… guys aren’t friends…?” 

Jaejoong sighed. “It is… hard to tell… I don’t know at this point. We are acquaintances more than anything.” 

“You love him so much…” whispered Kihyun and the fresher just sighed.

“This is Nami,” he showed him a picture of a half-Japanese, half-black girl. She had very curly and amazing hair, but her eyes gave her away. She looked unique in her way. “Her English is great but I really suck at it. From everyone, she was the first one I met and although I am close to all of them, she is my best friend.” 

And Kihyun noted in his mind how he would feel if he ever had a friend like her. 

“This is Cheska,” he passed by another picture, a half-Korean, half-black girl. Her hair was really thin and long with a great smile. “She was the second one I met at a basketball court.” 

“This is Mina,” he introduced. She was complete French, with light skin and hazel eyes. “She is French. She looks like a model and I am sure she is based on her background.”

“This one is Kirs,” he continued. “Her real name is Ong Bomi. She is from Gwanju and loves to take photographs.”

“This is Mingi - he is Nami’s boyfriend. He studies at another University, but they are  together most of the time. He’s very goofy.”

  
  
  
  
  


“This one is Minhyuk and Wonho,” he showed Kihyun. “This is the pretty friend you are talking about.”

  
  
  
  
  


“Oh…” 

“Most of us are in the second year except Nami, Shownu and me,” were his words. “As you can see, you do not need to worry about him. He is very handsome but he is taken.” 

Kihyun had something in his face similar to a smile, but Jaejoong could not yet decipher it. 

“Is the one… on your background… Yunho?”

And Jaejoong choked on his boba tea. It took him a while to recover, while Kihyun blankly looked at him.

How did he notice? 


	17. Chapter

Jaejoong was at his club, it would be his last practice before they did the match. From his understanding, Yunho was already placed back, but there were no words from Ohmke. He didn’t want to admit it, but it was very worrisome. It has been about two weeks and he never liked when Ohmke disappeared that suddenly. It could only mean trouble. 

He decided he would focus on that later.

He continued to run around the court, spiking the ball when it was his opportunity. It was a way of practicing skills and to also maintain his shape. He wasn’t as buff as Yunho or as Wonho - who looked like a bodybuilder, but he was very well off. Anyone would notice he did focus on a healthy diet and exercised. 

He drank a lot too - this helped him to not have a beer tummy.

However, before his last spike came, they saw the team members coming with Yunho on the front.

That was the position of Ohmke.

He wasn’t even bothered by it, but he thought they had no captain until further notice.

“Hey everyone,” greeted Yunho, seeing the other bowing down to them as respect. Wonho was beside the tallest this time. 

“I was reinstated back,” he said with a smile and Jaejoong noticed that some were genuinely happy. Others, not so much.

And he recognized a particular one not being as happy. He has met him a couple of times before and he knew he was Ohmke’s friend.

That could bring some problems, but he was no one to say that. After all, no one knew they were related. They had different last names and they didn’t even look alike. Ohmke was half Thai and half Korean. A very long story he wasn’t willing to recall at that moment.

“I was placed as the team’s captain and the president of the club,” he shared the news with the happiest smile he has ever seen. “Wonho will serve as the vice-president until further notice. That means that we will choose someone from the second or first year. Wonho and I will be graduating soon and we want to keep at least two people who seem close to each other to be vice-president and president.” 

“Because the president title is taken, we will train the next vice-president to be the president and then, the other person will not hold an official title, but will be expected to be with us the entire time and act as if he were one. He will be appointed as the referee for most matches. Any questions?” 

No one said a thing.

“Alright, so due to the circumstances of Ohmke, the prior president leaving, we have space for another member. We contacted the one we decided to not choose, but he was not interested due to a personal issue. So, we were short.”

Based on his words, they chose another member.

He would have said are instead of were - past and present particle.

He was really curious as to who was chosen.

“We did this internally and we apologize, but this we chose about three good candidates before we made the last decision,” he continued to explain. “These were people who applied after the club closed. As you know, these applications are online and not in person. This happens with all clubs - even if they reached maximum capacity. Since some people might leave for personal or academic issues, it remains open for a couple of days.”

“Out of these three, we chose one and pulled him from the file. We decided he was the best candidate and we did watch him play as well, so please welcome Son Shownu,” were the president’s last words before they opened the path for him to come to the front. The newcomer simply bowed to everyone and Jaejoong was quite surprised, but did not say anything.

He did want to know what he was doing there when he was supposed to be in the swimming club.

+++

After the extenuant practice, most of the members have left already. The only ones left were Wonho, Yunho, Shownu and Jaejoong. The first two were simply taking care of the net and the balls and Shownu was sitting in the bleachers with Jaejoong at his side.

“I am sure you have plenty of questions,” said Shownu - he could read Jaejoong’s confusion from kilometers apart. “But right now, all I can tell you is that I was kicked out from the swimming team and I am still wondering why.”

“Do you think it was because of your parents?” he asked. Shownu has expressed a couple of times how much he has fought with his parents and how they do not get along. They were very powerful and no matter what he did, he had no support.

“Could be,” he said with a sigh. “But I do not know. It is sports, not music.” 

Jaejoong sighed. “And I thought I had a complicated family…”

“We are all fucked up,” mentioned the other, very annoyed at his life. “I know being poor isn’t the answer, but I would prefer to have a family like Yunho’s…”

The fresher looked at the president, who was laughing at Wonho. They were talking about something funny but he couldn’t hear from where he was.

Heck, he wasn’t even supposed to be there, but Wonho wanted to eat with Minhyuk and Shownu - tagging along the leader and himself. He wanted to say no, but he knew that Shownu wasn’t going to allow him to say otherwise. He had to deal with the fact he would be closer to the man of his dreams.

“I do not know a lot about it, but from my understanding they are always supporting him. He is not a millionaire like us, but is from a very well family and has what he needs. It makes me wonder why I have such shitty parents…” 

“I don’t have a shitty parent, but I do have a shitty brother,” he said with half a smile. He continued to keep that secret from them. 

“We all have something we aren’t proud of,” were the tallest boy words. 

_ Like this love I have for him, _ thought to himself Jaejoong as he saw the other two coming towards them. 

“And I really wished Kihyun was here,” whispered the other to himself, knowing it was highly unlikely. Kihyun didn’t like to be around people - he was surprised he told him he considered Jaejoong his friend. Not like intimate, but it was a step.

And thinking about him, he heard his phone vibrating - a message coming through.

_ Yoo Kihyun _

_ Do… you want to eat? _

“Fuck,” muttered Shownu. He wanted to run away and see the other, but Minhyuk would kill him. 

_ Son Shownu _

_ I wish.... But I promised Minhyuk and Wonho we would eat together. Jaejoong and Yunho will be tagging along. I would invite you, but I know you do not like people except for Jaejoong and that’s okay. _

He saw that Kihyun read it, but he didn’t respond. He wasn’t sure if he was mad or just thinking about his proposal. He wanted to trust his guts that it was his first option, but at the same time he wanted to listen to his heart. He wished that Kihyun opened more and saw everyone in a better light.

_ Yoo Kihyun _

_...If you give me the address, I’ll go… _

Shownu started to cough uncontrollably, having Jaejoong pat on his back a couple of times due to the surprise.

“Hey buddy, you okay?” said Wonho, watching how the two freshers were surprised at each other’s action. Yunho stood there, slightly jealous of their interaction, but keeping it to himself. 

“I have no idea what happened,” replied the freshman, his friend coming back to Earth. 

“Kihyun asked me for the address to meet us,” he said, taking a couple of deep breaths. 

“Kihyun?” answered Wonho. “That’s a first. Are you guys talking?” he said with a smile and he didn’t earn any response from Shownu, but saw his ears becoming red due to his words.

“Oh yeah, they have been talking for a while,” answered Yunho with a smile. “I met him that day I was very drunk that you hit me with the broom once you found where I was.” 

“And that’s even more surprising,” said the athlete. “I thought he doesn’t like people around him.”

“It was a mere coincidence,” replied Jaejoong. “I picked Yunho up and--”

“Wait, you picked him up?!” 

Jaejoong and Yunho looked at each other, knowing they shared a secret they shouldn’t and Shownu simply looked somewhere else.

Wonho sighed. “I do understand if it was something you didn’t want to share, but do you know how worried I was? How I almost fought with Minhyuk because he was telling me to calm down and I just couldn’t?”

“I don’t want to talk anymore,” was all Wonho said before leaving the other three alone, a very guilty Yunho.

“I’m sorry,” said Jaejoong. He was the guilty one of them. He shared it knowing Wonho did not know the details of that night. 

“I owe him an apology,” was Yunho’s response. “You are his friend, but he is my best friend. I understand that I should not tell him anything, but I did refuse to talk about that night. I didn’t tell him how I came to my house or how I appeared, so I guess that was my fault.” 

“Do you think Minhyuk will answer our calls?” asked Shownu.

“We can try,” were Jaejoong’s words before dialing on his phone.


	18. Poglavlje

Wonho was in Minhyuk's apartment, he was really upset. He was laying on his bed while the other grabbed some snacks for them.

It was supposed to be a good night out and it ended in a discussion.

He truly wasn’t mad at Yunho for not sharing that night with him. It was his decision and he respected it. They were best friends, but they were secrets that they hid. And it was okay - he wasn’t that toxic friend who pretended for him to share everything with him, but he did not appreciate the fact that he couldn’t even know where he was at. He was never clear and he disappeared for almost three days. He was very worried and he didn’t expect a full explanation, but at least something that could have soothed his mind during that time.

And the fact that Shownu and Jaejoong knew about it and did not mention it hurt him as well.

They were more friends with his boyfriend but he was devastated at the fact that he was the only worried for nothing.

“Hey Wonnie,” called Minhyuk, giving him a bowl of ramen. “I made them this morning from scratch but they are still good.”

“Everything you do is amazing,” said Wonho with a smile, taking it while his boyfriend sat beside him on the floor.

“They have been calling me non-stop,” confessed the other, knowing the oldest would continue to listen. “But you are my boyfriend and the man I love. I want to hear your opinion first.” 

Wonho sighed. “I just didn’t like the fact that Jaejoong and Shownu knew where Yunho was, knew how worried I was and for me, it looked like they didn’t care about what I felt.” 

“I am sure they didn’t do it in that manner - I would be upset too," were Minhyuk's words. "But I can't understand you either."

And Wonho knew why.

Minhyuk was very sociable. He had so many friends and knew so many people that he was never alone.

But he did not consider anyone his best friend. He always said that friendship was too fragile, just like relationships. Even sometimes he was so pessimistic that he continued to say how they were going to break up once University was done, which Wonho has been assuring that it will not happen. However, no matter how much he tried, it did not change his mind.

So he understood where he was coming from.

"And I am sure that even if they come here to ask for forgiveness, you need time - which is why I won't answer. But I have to tell you that I will let them know that you are not in your best shape and it would be best to try later."

Wonho nodded. 

"I love you," said Minhyuk, giving him a kiss on the forehead as he grabbed his laptop from the nightstand, his boyfriend looking at the page he left open.

**_The Nightmares of a Lonely Heart_ **

"Looks way too deep," mentioned Wonho while he slurped on his ramen.

"It is," confessed the other with a smile on his face. "It has been around for quite a while. I just found it recently. It has very interesting facts, poetry and song lyrics."

"I guess it is famous, then."

"Yup," replied the youngest. "And it is because the person keeps it as a diary. Like, however is in charge, mentions it is his only solace and he is not looking for pitiness, but for people who think like him and are adamant in showing their true feelings. I have to admit that if this person and Nami got together, their book would be very interesting. He or she has written a couple of alternative universes and they are very interesting."

"Oh, can you show me something that person has written that you have read and like?" asked his boyfriend with a smile on his face, happily eating at the same time.

"Yes," he answered with a bright smile, looking for one of his favorite short stories.

_ "People keep on saying that you should always follow your heart..." said Junsu to Yoochun, as the other simply looked at him with sad eyes. "But when your heart gets broken into pieces, which piece should you follow?" the black haired gulped, lowering his gaze to the floor.  _

_ "Sorry is not enough. Sometimes, you actually have to change… or maybe, it's just the way it is," he said, while the tears he has held all these years fell from his eyes. "Seeing how you shatter me all over again... Without me doing nothing but cry, as you try to mend what's already beyond repair."  _

Wonho was really perplexed at the thoughtful quote. He understood that some writers only did it when they felt the inspiration and it didn't always mean that they felt heartbroken or depressed, it just was their way of feeling and explaining the character.

However, he felt somehow that this particular person was writing himself in a third person status. He was hiding what he truly felt inside.

"What's the name of the author?" asked Wonho. "You know that most artists have their alias.

"Kimera," was his answer. "That's his pen name.” 

“Interesting,” answered the eldest of the two. 

“He has plenty of good stuff,” replied Minhyuk. “I wonder if Nami has it.” 

“We can call her,” suggested Wonho and the other nodded, immediately dialing the girl’s phone number.

It wasn’t long after that she responded.

_ “Hey, Minnie!” _ she said, very happy to hear from him. Unfortunately, her boyfriend had a similar nickname - Nami liked to be original, so instead of calling by his usual nickname, she called him Minnie. He didn’t like it, but he didn’t dislike it either. He learned to live with it.

“Hey, I have Wonnie with me,” he said, his boyfriend stealing a kiss from him.

_ “I bet you know that JayJay, Yunho and Shownu are looking for him,” _ she said and it wasn’t surprising to him - she was very straightforward.

“They had a small discussion that I am sure Jaejoong told you about,” was Minhyuk’s reply. 

_ “Yeah,” _ was her answer.  _ “He told me everything, but I understand if Wonho doesn’t want to talk to them. I would be pretty pissed too.” _

Wonho smiled.

_ “But I am sure you did not call me because of that,” _ she continued.  _ “In fact, I am aware that y’all want to have babies in the next couple of minutes.” _

Minhyuk became as red as he could be and Wonho started to laugh. 

“Stop,” said a very ashamed Minhyuk. “I just called you to notify you and check if you have read a blog by a name of The Nightmares of a Lonely Heart.” 

_ “You will be surprised if I tell you I haven’t,”  _ answered the girl.  _ “I know that a lot of people in my literature club are talking about it, but I have not read a single entry.”  _

“I just told Wonho about it and he was surprised. He told me it reminds him of yours.” 

_ “Awww,” _ she said followed by a small giggle.  _ “Can I marry your boyfriend?”  _

“I would say no, but I know Mingi won’t allow it, so it’s okay,” laughed Minhyuk, feeling Wonho’s arms around his tiny waist.

_ “I know right?”  _ she laughed again.  _ “But if you are telling me about it, it should be interesting, you barely read.” _

“I like numbers better,” answered the blonde. “I only read very specific things - your blog, for example, is interesting and so is he, or she. He lives in the anonymous unlike you.” 

_ “Oh, _ ” replied a very interested Nami.  _ “They did not tell me that.”  _

“Yeah, he or she has a username by Kimera. You should give it a try - and let me know how it is.” 

_ “Sounds great!”  _ was her response.  _ “I’ll get to it now. Maybe he will accept a collaboration with me…”  _

“Don’t tell me,” said Wonho this time. “You have a new fan fic. Who are the main characters?” 

_ “San and Wooyoung,” _ she replied blatantly and they started to laugh. All of them have been victims of her imagination, except Yunho and Jaejoong.

And it makes Wonho think that she might have written something, but has kept it instead of publishing it.

“You are unbelievable,” replied Minhyuk. “You just finished one about us.”

_ “The muse is always there, Minnie - I cannot waste it.” _

+++

After Nami hung up with the other two, she immediately looked for the blog. It was very popular and on the main page. She wasn’t envious though - she had a pretty steady followers and was the face of her literature club. She was only in her first year and she was having a lot of opportunities. It was like a dream come true and she was enjoying it to the fullest while she continued to study.

“Hmmm, it is very interesting indeed,” she said to herself, her glasses glaring at the entries. 

There was one posted a couple of minutes ago and she decided to read it.

She has not read the description of the blog or how it would affect her feelings. All she knew is that whoever it was, had different VPNs, which meant every time he or she blogged an entry, it was a different IP address. She wasn’t interested in these things, but Mingi was. He was taking a class regarding cyber-security and explained it to her. The person wasn’t exactly untrackable, but made it difficult for others. 

  
  


**_The thoughts of a shattered soul_ **

_ Submitted by Kimera on 5/11/2020  _

_ Hello, thank you for always reading about my stories, my poetry and the inspirations that come to my mind from time to time. _

_ This particular entry will be more regarding what I have been feeling. _

_ As most of you know, I am quiet and I do not have friends. I like the way I have been living - in the dark. _

  
  


Nami scratched her head, but continued to read.

  
  


_ Nowadays, I have been missing a particular feeling I have never experienced in my life - friends. I have chatted with this person a couple of times during different times and that person seems trustworthy. I even shared a personal experience to that person in a moment of weakness, but that person has never judged me - just supported me. _

_ I do not feel anything for this person except gratitude and would like to know a bit more about that person and the environment that person is within. I would also like to help that person understand the love that has been hiding inside his persona for a long time - that it is time to either accept it and live with it or let it go. I would like for that person to trust me. _

_ But at the same time, am I worthy of it? Is it worth enough to make that person trust me? I don’t think so. Most of you that read my content know how depressed and dark I am. _

_ And how in love I am as well. _

_ They are friends but do not panic - the person I love and the person I trust are only good friends and I know it as a fact because one of them is in love with another person and that person has assured me plenty of times who that person is, which I know. _

_ But I want to keep my lifestyle - I do not want this to change me. I am afraid. What if it is all in my mind? _

**_77 comments_ **

**_Ursula King -_ ** _ 8 mins ago _

_ People are unworthy. Don’t fall. _

**_Min Kuj -_ ** _ 7 mins ago _

_ If you don’t risk it, you will never know.  _

**_Byu HK -_ ** _ 7 mins ago _

_ Give it as an opportunity for yourself to step out of the comfort zone. _

**_J B Nelson -_ ** _ 6 mins ago _

_ Fuck people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone sucks except u ofc. No one is worthy but u. Love me, please!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _

  
  


Nami read each one of the comments, who mostly consisted of advice towards the writer. Most of them told the writer to let himself be free from his own persona and to give it a chance. Others were not as welcoming and expressed the worry they felt for him. They were a couple addressing his mental issues - like that was even a question.

Every single one of us has something in our minds - some people control it better than others and there was nothing wrong in that. That is why some professionals came and that is exactly why she was studying what she was studying. She had plenty of other careers, but she enjoyed knowing and exploring the human mind.

But she was also no one to judge.

She knew it would stir some controversies. Famous bloggers tend to not comment on other famous bloggers' content. It created a lot of drama and unnecessary fanwars. Even when they weren’t idols, actors or things like that, people took it to heart. 

But she felt the necessity to comment on the post.

And she was sure that he would not respond to her comment. From her understanding and from what she has heard, the person never replies. Even when the blog was unknown, the writer never answered back and she understood why. It could be overwhelming and some people could think of you as their property only for making you famous.

  
  


**_Najaeri -_ ** _ 0 mins ago _

_ This is my very first time coming into your blog and reading something. I guess I will continue to impress myself with your content.  _

_ But I have to say that failure is scary. _

_ When you trust someone for the very first time, you do it unconsciously - you never say to yourself ‘I’ll trust this from now on’, it happens naturally. _

_ You are trusting the person already. _

_ The day you confide something to that person, was the same day you started to trust. How funny is life? Very.  _

_ We even start building trust when we are in our mother’s womb and this is something we will never remember, but it is within us. As we begin to grow, we have the faith that she will take care of us. When it doesn’t happen, it is when we start to see everyone as unworthy - because the very first person that we trusted, considered us a failure.  _

_ Do not give it a second thought - you already are in that phase. _

_ Just remember that humans are that way. We trust with the hope we will never be betrayed - but we will. It is life. It is within our hands to move on and accept that no one is perfect. _


	19. поглавје

Jaejoong was waiting for Shownu to pick him up. It seemed that they already spoke about their problems and are on the right track. He was genuinely happy - Yunho seemed a whole better. He was sulking for a couple of days and it made him feel like shit. It was affecting him like crazy and he wanted it to stop.

Yunho had a girlfriend and he needed to step back. He couldn’t continue this obscure feeling towards him anymore.

But how could he tell his heart to stop beating for his one and true love? 

The grey-haired sighed, knowing his thoughts would end nowhere. There was no escape.

“Hey, sorry for the delay,” said the newcomer, another person accompanying him. 

“No worries,” said the law student. “Oh, Kihyun?” 

Kihyun slightly smiled.

“You convinced him to come? I am glad!” mentioned Jaejoong with a smile on his face.

“It was hard,” he said, scratching his head in return. “After I canceled, he wasn’t willing but I am glad he wanted to come.” 

“You can sit between us,” told him the grey-haired student. “So you feel more comfortable. We can let the other three sit together.”

Kihyun slightly nodded.

“I’ll be the designated driver, so feel free to drink,” mentioned Shownu - but from his understanding, Kihyun didn’t like to drink and he barely ate. He mostly said it for Jaejoong.

“Finally,” said the other with a laugh as the three of them walked towards Shownu’s car. “I’ll be so wasted.” 

“This time we will have four drunkards and two sober,” mentioned Shownu as he saw Kihyun going to the back of the car.

“Hey,” stopped the oldest of the three Jaejoong. “I am sure you are used to the back, but please, go to the front.”

Kihyun looked at him and he was legit scared but the fresher smiled at him. The second-year student knew he lost that battle and sat beside the driver. The grey-haired student proceeded to sit at the back, putting his seatbelt on. 

“I am sure we cannot go to your apartment and I am not sure Kihyun has one,” continued the conversation Jaejoong, while Shownu turned on the motor and put the car in reverse. “But we can crash at my place,” he mentioned, putting the key in the cupholder. “I put it there for you already.” 

“Sounds good,” mentioned Shownu, pushing the clutch as he switched the reverse to 1st. “I guess you’ll sleep with Yunho.”

“No way in hell,” said Jaejoong too fast for his liking. 

“Kihyun has to sleep alone,” said the engineering student and the law student raised his eyebrow - making him wonder if Kihyun confessed what happened in his childhood, but it was very unlikely. Kihyun loved him - there was a difference.

“I know,” was the only thing the gray-haired fresher responded. “But I can’t sleep with Yunho.”

“Are you afraid of doing dirty things to him?” he said with a very dirty eye look and Jaejoong hit him in the shoulder briefly while he laughed.

Kihyun simply smiled at their interaction.

After a very livable chit-chat, they arrived at their destination. Since Shownu had a lot of connections, he reserved a room from the bar. The owner’s son was his roommate for a long time when he was in an all-boys school and they were very good friends. They still talked from time to time, but he was in another university studying business.

“Hey!” greeted Shownu at one of the bouncers, who recognized him a couple of seconds later. They had a small chat and then he told Jaejoong to enter first, which he did.

“I am expecting three other people, here are the pictures,” were Shownu’s words before showing it to him. “Their names are Jung Yunho, Shin Hooseok, and Lee Minhyuk.” 

“The boss gave me their names,” he said, taking out a piece of paper. “They will be redirected, no worries.” 

“Great! Thanks, pal,” he embraced him briefly and then proceeded to drag Kihyun in a small corner before entering the bar.

“Are you okay?” he asked, worried about the other. He knew that Kihyun didn’t like crowded places, which is why he asked for a room for the six of them. They also sold food and he would make sure to taste it first before letting Kihyun eat. He was willing to sacrifice anything and everything for that man.

And he made sure the other knew.

Although they were merely friends and he has never confirmed to the other what he felt for him, he was as clear as he could be. He wanted the other to be comfortable and to adapt - not to change his lifestyle. 

He was thankful to the other for even trying.

Kihyun was very nervous - he wasn’t familiar nor did he like this environment. He did appreciate the fact that Shownu put him as a priority and reserved a room, but he felt so uncomfortable. But he wanted to give it a chance. He wanted to be part of his world. 

“Hold me,” said Kihyun, unaware of his words, but knowing that Shownu would not let him go.

“I’ll never let you go, Kiki,” he said, assuring him that he would be safe - the main reason he didn’t want to drink.

He wanted to be self-conscious of his surroundings and being able to protect him. He didn’t want to be drunk and for the other to panic.

Kihyun took a couple of deep breaths and allowed Shownu to guide him inside. 

After a couple of minutes, they arrived at their reserved room. Jaejoong wasn’t there, but he left a note saying he went to get some drinks and to dance a bit to loosen himself up. Kihyun looked visibly relaxed and he smiled, both sitting down at the same time.

“We don’t need to step out of the room,” mentioned Shownu - the music was loud but they could hear themselves. “I can ask for them to come with this,” he took a ringer that was placed on the table. “Jaejoong just likes to meet people, you know how he is.” 

Kihyun nodded.

“I know you usually do not like to eat outside, but is there anything you want?” 

“I will eat whatever you are eating,” was Kihyun’s answer and Shownu nodded, clicking the ringer as it beeped and turned red instead of green. 

“I feel like having seafood pancakes,” said the engineering student. “You are not allergic, right?”  
Kihyun denied with his head. He actually liked seafood more than chicken or steak. 

“Great,” he said, looking at the server coming inside the room.

“Hey guys,” he greeted them with a smile on his face. “What can I help you with?”

“I’ll have eight seafood pancakes, three sides of kimchi, 3 bowls of rabokki, 2 bottles of tequila, 4 of soju, 6 beers, and one Sprite,” the waiter took everything and smiled. “Thank you.” 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” was his response before leaving the room.

“That… is a lot of food,” softly said the eldest of the two. 

“You haven’t seen Wonho eating,” he said with a smile covering his face. “You’ll see when he gets here.”

Shownu continued to talk with him for a couple of more minutes until he heard the curtains opening.

“Hey!” greeted Wonho and Yunho at the same time, the smaller of the three peeking behind Wonho’s shoulder. 

“Hi,” greeted Shownu with a smile, feeling Kihyun closer to him - which he loved.

He then wrapped his waist on his arm, knowing the other would be shy, but it was a way of keeping him safe.

“Oh, is that you, Kihyun?” said Yunho while the other two looked at each other in a confused way.

“Hi,” was the only thing the International Studies student said. 

“Welcome!” said Minhyuk with a smile on his face.

And Kihyun felt even more shy.

He had to admit that the guy was beautiful and it intimidated him a bit. 

Both him and Jaejoong were too handsome - he never thought he would meet people like that in his life.

“They might be pretty, but in my eyes, you are prettier,” whispered Shownu to him and Kihyun felt his heart beating inside.

He truly didn’t want to fall in love, but was it too late?

He didn’t even trust Shownu, or so he thought.

Not even a couple of seconds later, the waiter, his assistant, and Jaejoong came inside at the same time. Jaejoong greeted everyone but was more than polite to Yunho, which made the latter sad. The waiter and his helper placed the food on the table and left shortly after.

“Ufff, rabboki? Man, I love you,” said Wonho, opening the beer and mixing it with the soju. “Minmin, come here baby,” he said and the other sat down beside him, helping him to mix the drinks. Shownu simply grabbed the Sprite, took a sip of it and gave it to Kihyun, who accepted it without any fight. 

“I’ll have a couple of drinks but don’t worry - I will drink water,” assured the tallest of the two and Kihyun nodded, knowing that by the time they left, he would not have any alcohol in his system.

He just hoped he would have fun or at least something to enjoy about.

And he knew things would start to get excited when the other four started to drink like nobody’s business.

He felt the warmth - he felt welcomed and not judged.

Shownu’s hand was still on his waist - showing him what home really feels like.

A couple of hours passed and as Shownu expected, it wasn’t long before his friends were drunk. The bottles of soju were long gone and there was only a half bottle of tequila. Minhyuk was all over Wonho, who couldn’t stop laughing at everything and Jaejoong and Yunho were cracking stupid dad jokes while dancing against each other.

But he was a bit worried.

From his understanding, Yunho still had Gina - but he was too drunk and he was dangerously too close to Jaejoong’s face.

He felt guilty - he wasn’t going to stop it anyway.

“Ugh….” said Yunho, his head spinning. “There’s too many Jaejoongs!” 

“And there are too many Yunhos!” replied Jaejoong as drunk as he could be.

Kihyun saw this as interesting. He was observant and he could tell how much Wonho and Minhyuk loved each other as well as how frustrated Yunho and Jaejoong were. An ordinary person might not be able to see it, but to him, it was crystal clear. There was nothing that could change his mind. 

He was able to see through the glass.

“Wonnie~” called Minhyuk, his red cheeks giving away his status. “I want you!"

"Babe, we can't," replied with the last sense he had. "Public."

"It will be quick~ I promish~"

"Aaaaand we should leave," were Shownu's words, knowing that the lovebirds are able to undress themselves and do very inappropriate things. 

"I can help you with Jaejoong and Yunho," said Kihyun. He did not like people touching him, but he did not want Shownu to carry all four. Also, he felt more confident in carrying those two than the other pair. He didn't know them enough to make a judgment and he had to admit he would feel extremely uncomfortable.

"I think that's a good idea," replied the other while he tried to separate the lovebirds. The other pair was just cracking stupid jokes and even laughing at invisible ants.

Kihyun giggled - his first time doing it after a long time, but he felt free. He knew more about Shownu than before and he appreciated it. He was still hesitant to trust him and in fact, he couldn't see himself trusting him. For him, trusting him fully was giving him everything and that was impossible. There were pieces all over that no one could trace - not even him.

It didn't take long for both of them to put them in their respective cars. Minhyuk quickly fell asleep on Wonho's lap and the other was way out before they reached. On the other hand, Yunho and Jaejoong were still cracking jokes and asking for more alcohol.

"I'll see you soon," said Shownu with a smile on his face and Kihyun nodded, taking the keys of Shownu's car.


	20. Pennod - The Longing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is Showki (Shownu and Kihyun) only.

"Fuck," muttered Shownu, while accomodating Wonho and Minhyuk in the sofa-turned-bed. He did not know Jaejoong had one of those, considering he had two bedrooms, but he also lived in a fancy neighborhood and had very expensive stuff, so it was understandable. However, Wonho was really buff and it was hard for him to carry him - unlike his boyfriend, who was very light. 

He saw Kihyun walking inside with a blabbering Yunho, his steady, but sloppy steps. He had to admit that it surprised him - the guy had more strength than he thought. But based on the sweat on his forehead, he was struggling. Yunho was taller than him.

"Are you okay?" said a breathless Shownu, still catching his breath. 

Kihyun nodded but did tell him in a mutter to open the door of Jaejoong's room. Shownu complied and allowed the other to enter the room, sighing after Yunho dropped himself on the bed, laughing uncontrollably. 

"I'll grab Jaejoong," said Shownu and Kihyun wanted to stop him but he was too late, he already left the apartment. 

Kihyun sighed for the second time and waited patiently for the other to return. He could only hear Yunho's laugh as the other pair was profoundly sleeping.

It didn't take a long time for Shownu to return with Jaejoong in his arms, carrying him bride style and he felt a bit envious. He could not deny it. 

He also wanted to be on his arms. 

However, he failed to notice that his thoughts were too embarrassed for him and his cheeks became red, the door closing behind him. 

"Kihyun?"

"Oh, sorry," he said, but he wasn't exactly there. He could feel Shownu's aroma on his back and he was intoxicated by it.

How come he was having such thoughts when he wasn't even drunk? He disliked alcohol - it was too bitter, even the ones that had juice in them. He was never interested, but he could have some right now.

"Are you okay?" asked Shownu, but to Kihyun it sounded like birds singing to his ears. 

"Y-yeah," replied the second-year student, his whole body sweating. He started to walk in a fast way to the second bedroom, trying to stop his heart from beating so fast.

"I'll take a quick shower," said the International Studies student, grabbing the small bag he had before he closed himself in the bathroom, leaving a very confused Shownu behind.

After almost an hour, Kihyun was freshly washed and so was Shownu. He had a small mattress on the floor, close to Kihyun's bed. He thanked Jaejoong for thinking ahead of time as he knew how uncomfortable Kihyun was with people.

And putting him to sleep in Jaejoong’s room wasn’t an option.

He thought about it, but Jaejoong was way too drunk and Kihyun would not know how to handle that fire.

But when he saw Kihyun coming back from the kitchen with a glass of water for both of them, he lost every thought about his best friend and focused on the other’s movement. He was so gracious but careful at the same time. The way his hands held the tray and placed it on top of the nightstand - the way he looked twice to his surroundings to analyze them; the way he slowly but steadily walked toward the bed. The way he places his hands on top of the bed before sitting down and his big brown eyelashes looked with a hint of sadness at the door.

The engineering student knew Kihyun was perfect - but not  _ this _ perfect.

That’s when he decided it was time to ask him. He might get rejected and he might regret it later, but he could not hold his feelings anymore. He had to tell him that somehow, he was dying inside. 

Even if it hurt.

"Can I… kiss you?" asked a very shy Shownu while Kihyun gulped.

He was dying inside, he wanted to say yes so bad - he truly did. 

But he has never kissed before.

He has never shared his lips with anyone. From the things he held valuable of his body, his lips were one of them.

He never thought the time would come.

"If you don't answer me in 10 seconds, I'll do it," announced Shownu, and the oldest panicked in his mind.

He didn't know how to react, he didn't know how to correspond and he was way too nervous. 

It came to the point that the ten seconds passed and all he felt was Shownu's hand holding his chin and their lips closed together. Kihyun could not keep his eyes closed, he was really taken aback by his actions and he didn’t know how to react.

And he was too late. Shownu pulled back slowly and opened his eyes, locking with the second-year student’s eyes. 

The engineering student wanted to say something - he truly did. He wanted to apologize for making him uncomfortable - he wanted to slap himself for being too fast. He shouldn’t have kissed him knowing how he felt regarding people in general. He wasn’t even that close to him, but he wanted to grab the opportunity. He felt like it was time.

But that didn’t mean that the other felt the same.

He was an idiot.

However, Shownu did not expect Kihyun to get close to him and kiss him. The latter had his eyes closed and his lips were trembling, but the fresher simply grabbed the back on his head and pressed the kiss, making the other feel relaxed. There was no way the tallest would lose the opportunity to have a proper kiss.

And he was addicted to his lips.

Just one kiss and he already wanted more - he wanted Kihyun to open up for him and for him to be able to understand him more. They have been talking for a couple of months, but he wanted more.

He wanted his love.

Shownu was irrevocably and completely in love with Kihyun.

The oldest slowly began to open his lips, allowing the youngest to enter his mouth without any thoughts. It was a slow, but steady kiss as their tongues caressed each other like a love song. Kihyun did not notice how he ended up in Shownu’s lap, his hands surrounding the other’s neck, and the kiss deepening as it went. 

He didn’t want to stop.

He felt at Heaven and he felt his frozen heart melting completely, ready to give in to the engineering student.

However, he knew that he would have second thoughts later and he wasn’t prepared to give it all.

He gave enough for now and he hoped the other would understand him.

Kihyun was the one that slowly stopped the kiss, his cheeks color red. He was harshly breathing, the kiss had taken most of his oxygen away. Shownu was smiling and breathless just like him. 

“I like you,” confessed Shownu, knowing that Kihyun needed some reassurance. “I have liked you ever since I saw you.” 

And for the first time, Shownu could not hide his feelings.

Kihyun smiled.

He genuinely smiled at him.

The engineering student felt his heart jumping and following butterflies.

Is this what love feels like? He was sure it was. But he couldn’t tell the other his true feelings. He knew the other would take it too seriously and would not be able to respond. Shownu understood that Kihyun needed time to adapt and he would give him all the time he needed.

He just wanted him to know that he liked him - forever. 

“I… like you too…” confessed Kihyun. It was hard - it really was. He was hiding what he had within. He didn’t just like Shownu - he loved him. He was deeply and greatly in love with him, but it wasn’t time to let him be aware.

Just this was fine.

This is the reassurance he needed.

“Then that means… we are dating?” casually asked Shownu, his eyes focused on the other’s plumpy and pink lips.

Kihyun nodded and Shownu did not need any other words between them.

He kissed him  _ again _ and the International student followed him, feeling his heartbeats going faster.


	21. Pennod - The Desire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is only YunJae and contains smut.

“Is that youuuu?” asked Yunho after he saw another person putting him inside the room. To be thoughtful, he was sure it was Shownu - the last thing his drunken mind remembered was that everyone was too drunk to care. The only two people who were not in the same state were Shownu and… what was his name again?

Kihyun!

Yes, Kihyun. 

Shownu and Kihyun were always glued to each other like marker and eraser. He could see the damn love in the air and he was about to bust them out, but Jaejoong kept being beautiful and he suddenly forgot about it.

He hopes to remember and give them shit tomorrow.

“YUNHOOOOOOO!” screamed Jaejoong, launching himself towards him. Yunho accepted him with open arms, falling to the bed with the other on top of him.

“Why are you so louuuudd?” reprimanded the president, but he knew the other would not take him seriously.

Jaejoong started to laugh at him.

“Imma punish you,” he almost shouted, but the youngest started to rub himself against him. He tried to not moan, but he was feeling every inch of Jaejoong’s body.

Dangerous? Yes. did he care? No. would he regret it? Most likely.

And he had no idea how to confront his girlfriend or Jaejoong if something indeed happens.

But the most stupid thing was that he wanted him.

He wanted Jaejoong.

He had this unexplained attraction towards him that he has been denying for months. He always tried his best to reach him, but the International Law student appeared to be cold and unapproachable. He defended him, voted for his skills, and liked to be around him. It was weird and it scared him - since when he started to see men that way?

Maybe it wasn’t men, perhaps it was only Jaejoong.

But he reprimed all of his thoughts. He was taken. He had a girlfriend. He couldn’t cheat on her - he wasn’t that type of person.

And he was very confused. He didn’t know what he exactly felt towards Jaejoong and he wasn’t stupid.

Jaejoong loved him.

He has caught him a couple of times staring at him, he has seen him taking pictures of him and he has picked him up with excuses of going to practice or that he was on his way home. Their classrooms were about 10-15 minutes apart and although he understood he had Nami, who was in the School of Psychology, they mostly spoke online. He could count the times he has seen her.

He felt like he was taking Jaejoong’s love for a one night stand.

“Jaejoong, stop…” he told him breathlessly, his member already erected at the rubbing. The other was excited as well - he could feel him too.

“No,” was the Law student’s response, heavily breathing against Yunho’s neck.

He was too drunk to care. He wasn’t thinking about the consequences of his acts. He has been trying to forget about the feelings he had for Yunho for months but he couldn’t - he couldn’t forget him. He was impregnated in his heart and he wanted to throw it out. He didn’t want to feel anymore.

He kept his distance, he didn’t save his number or his Instagram. He never comments or has him as a friend. He just imagines in his head how would it feel to be on his arms, to be kissed by him, and pampered to no end. He just imagines the way their bodies would fit together and the dates he would want to spend with him.

He masturbates himself thinking how it would feel having the other inside of him. 

And he didn’t feel guilty because, in the end, Yunho would never know.

He would never know exactly how he felt. He just treated him as a president and member of his club. He respected him and bowed down to him when needed. He saw his as an example and tried his best to be aware that they were only in that relationship - nothing more and nothing else. Yunho was taken and he needed to respect that.

But his mind was giving his thoughts away. He was determined to have one night with him and treasure it for life. He knew he was going to regret it and this might be the end of their friendship. He understood that he might have to resign to the volleyball club and to his passion due to this action he was going to commit, but it was worthy.

Yunho was worth it.

Jaejoong began to slowly go down, giving kisses to Yunho’s stomach and legs. He heard Yunho’s breath - being uncontrollable at the moment. He wasn’t giving in, but he will and very soon. 

He unblocked Yunho’s belt and threw it away, stripping him down in a flash second. Yunho had his shirt on, both of their phones turned off and he was sure of it since based on his drunk mind, Shownu took them away from them in order to prevent a tragedy. He was becoming too stupid and was starting to post very compromising selfies. He did not know if he actually could, but he would deal with it later.

Without any other thoughts in mind, Jaejoong took Yunho’s member in his hand and put it on his mouth.

“Ahhh,” moaned Yunho for the first time, knowing there was no way back. He has succumbed to his fascination and the fatal attraction he had for Jaejoong.

He would fuck him the entire night. 

He would deal with the consequences later.

The Law student smiled to himself, continuing to suck his member like it was a lollipop. He continued with the strikes back and forth, his hand helping with the motion and the room was surrounded by Yunho’s low and steady moans.

The Psychology student was in ecstasy. He was feeling the pump in his dick and the way it felt in Jaejoong’s mouth was something he has never experienced before. The guy knew what he was doing and he was lost in lust. 

Yunho grabbed Jaejoong’s hair and started to deep throat him. He felt Jaejoong gagging but knew the other liked it as he continued.

“Do me like that, babe,” he called him with his very low voice, the precum starting to fill the youngest’s mouth. 

“Oh, God,” moaned Yunho, almost reaching his climax but he wanted to stop. He truly did. He wanted to come somewhere else, not in his mouth.

It seemed like Jaejoong understood his thoughts and stopped, slowly standing up. Yunho grabbed him by the waist and pinned him down, grabbing his arms and placing them on top of his head, locking them with his. The Psychology student started to kiss his neck roughly, making the other moan in pleasure.

“Ahhh, Yun,” he heard his name in that sensual, melodious voice and he almost lost it, but he had to give a bit in return for what he received. 

“Babe, I want to enter you,” said the oldest, ripping his pants apart and taking his shirt off - he was vulnerable and he decided to admire him.

Jaejoong was beautiful from head to toe.

His lips were a dark pink, a strain of saliva coming from his mouth. His nipples were aroused and his harsh breathing excited him. His developed abs were something he wanted to devour and his member was standing proud, ready for him.

So was that butthole of his.

“Yes, please,” breathlessly responded the drunk fresher. “Lube is in the nightstand… condoms too…”

“Are you always this dirty?” said Yunho followed by a smirk, taking his shirt off along the way. He clumsily opened the first drawer and took a lot of stuff out, not caring what it actually was.

“I’ll devour you, babe - you’ll be mine…” whispered Yunho and Jaejoong moaned at his words. He spread Jaejoong’s legs and opened the tube, splashing on his fingers and his hands. He started to kiss his nipples, leaving red marks along the way.

“Ahhh!” 

“Yes, moan,” ordered Yunho and he complied. He continued to moan while Yunho did wonders for his body. 

He was failing so hard at containing himself, his member leaking precum. 

Yunho left more marks on his abs and continued to lick his nipples as he prepared the other to receive his dick. Jaejoong winced in pain but took a couple of breaths in to cope with it. He knew that Yunho’s member was way bigger but he was ready to receive him. He would make himself ready - he wasn’t going to lose this opportunity.

The Psychology student entered more fingers, stretching him along the way.

“Ahhh, stop!” moaned Jaejoong. He wanted more - he needed more.

He wanted Yunho.

“Do you want me already?” asked Yunho in a playful, but sexy way.

“Yes, yes, please!” 

The oldest knew he could not wait anymore. He would make Jaejoong his for the first time.

He grabbed the first condom he could and put it on his dick. He hoped it was very well accommodated - he wasn’t sure. He was still drunk and no matter how much he was enjoying it, he was behaving clumsily and without thinking further. 

And he entered Jaejoong without warning.

Jaejoong screamed in pain, the tears falling from his eyes.

“Sorry,” said Yunho, knowing it must have hurt. He waited for the other to get used to him as he was a bit too rough and he wanted the other to enjoy it, not to suffer.

Jaejoong breathed a couple of times and slowly started to move, allowing Yunho to feel the pleasure he was waiting for.

“Ung…” 

The Law student continued to move his hips and Yunho could not hold it any longer, he had to penetrate him deep and good - he knew Jaejoong would enjoy it to the fullest.

Yunho placed one of his hands on Jaejoong’s waist and the other on his member, stroking it at the same rhythm he entered it.

Jaejoong lost it.

“Ahhh, yes, Yun!” 

“Ung, keep moving baby,” continued Yunho, penetrating him long and fastly. He was going back and forth effortlessly as he hit the most sensitive part of Jaejoong.

“There!” 

Yunho complied and did it again and again until he knew Jaejoong would not be able to take it anymore.

“Yun! I’m gonna cum!” 

“Cum for me, baby,” were Yunho’s last words before he felt Jaejoong’s cum on his hand. He did a couple of more thrusts as Jaejoong trembled in pleasure, the orgasm having taken his breath away and he cummed inside the condom, keeping himself inside the Law student for a couple of more minutes until he caught his breath.

Exceptional night that he knew he would regret later.

The Psychology student pulled himself out and threw the condom away, in a place he would never look again while he clumsily gave Jaejoong his shirt to briefly wash the cum away. He felt the drunken man getting close to him, their bodies together after the amazing sex and he embraced him, falling asleep rather quickly.


	22. Ipin

Jaejoong was receiving a lot of stares at the university. It didn’t bother him a lot, but he had to admit he was feeling uncomfortable. It was his fault for being drunk and posting those pictures, but there was no way back. Even if he deleted them, people would still have them and pass them around. Social media was beautiful, but it could also be your worst enemy. 

And for the first time in a long time, he was glad that Kihyun was coming near him with his usual bodyguards. 

“Are you okay?” briefly asked the newcomer, the stares subsiding. 

“I’m trying,” he replied with the most sincere voice he had.

“You still have two more classes, right?” were Kihyun’s words and Jaejoong nodded.

“Do you want me to pick you up?” 

“No, that’s okay,” Jaejoong really wanted to say yes, but he didn’t feel comfortable enough for that. 

“Are you sure?” asked for the last time and the other succumbed.

“Pleeeeaseeeee?” he almost embraced him but he understood that Kihyun hated any physical contact that was between people. And he, unfortunately, wasn’t Shownu. 

Kihyun did a small smile, but it went unnoticeable for the youngest. “Let’s go then,” were his words while he walked beside Jaejoong with his bodyguards surrounding them.

“So… are you and Shownu together, ehhh?” he asked, bumping his arm with his elbow in a playful way. Kihyun was as red as a tomato but did not respond to the other’s question.

“Stop,” he asked, but he wasn’t hateful or anything. He just didn’t trust people and he had his bodyguards. He was sure that they told everything to his mom and he was surprised that she had not said a simple word to him. He didn’t know what to feel regarding that.

“Okay, I won’t say anything,” were Jaejoong’s words before he stopped at his classroom. “Well, I do have to say thank you, it ends in about two hours.” 

“I’ll be in here before that. My class is only an hour and a half and it’s across the halfway,” answered Kihyun. “I’ll come to pick you up.” 

+++

Jaejoong was finished with both of his classes and he was eternally grateful for Kihyun. As time passed, the people less looked at him. He did not know if it was because people were afraid of Kihyun and his bodyguards, or because they were interested in the fact that one of the most popular freshers of the university was friends with the most lonely person on the entire campus.

“I do not have any other classes,” mentioned Kihyun. “Shownu has another class.” 

“We can wait for him,” mentioned Jaejoong. “Or we can go to my apartment and ask him to go over there.” 

“I… want to wait… for him,” shyly answered Kihyun, with his cheeks a bit red at his confession. Jaejoong simply smiled to himself. 

“We can go to the library - it is quiet,” stated the fresher, and the other complied, both of them moving towards the International Studies library. It wasn’t that far of a walk, and they didn’t speak too much to each other. Jaejoong was kind of getting used to it and was actually not minding it. At the same time, it was Kihyun’s way of saying he cared. He used to be more silent than he was, so it was a good signal.

Once they arrived, they went to the fifth floor, which was usually the quietest one. You could also use one of the rooms if they are available and be there for as long as they need it. 

Jaejoong went ahead of Kihyun first. The bodyguards needed to stay out of the library due to privacy concerns. It was something the University had as a policy and no matter how powerful you were, you needed to comply. The fresher found a room rather quickly and directed Kihyun towards it, they closed the doors and sat across from each other.

“Can I ask you something?” said Jaejoong while taking a book and his cell phone out. Kihyun already had his phone in his hands, close to his heart.

“I might be wrong, but you don’t feel comfortable with your bodyguards, right?” 

The second-year student nodded. He could be a bit more transparent here, alone - he didn’t have people following his steps.

“Are they always with you?” asked Jaejoong again, and Kihyun had a bit of a problem replying to that question, but in the end, he considered Jaejoong his friend. He knew one of his darkest secrets, and although they have never touched that again, he felt like the fresher was someone who hid secrets very well. 

It did not matter how much he treated him, he never betrayed that secret. He kept it with him and carried it like it was his own. 

He didn’t know if it was proof or a lie. But for once in his life, he wanted to believe it was proof that he believed.

“Yes,” confessed Kihyun, hoping he won’t regret what he was going to say. “My mother does not like the fact I am surrounded by people since… it happened.” 

Jaejoong did not say anything. He does remember - he vividly does. However, he has not even once mentioned to him. In the end, it was his life and his own memories, he had no power to share it. 

“But they also are whistleblowers,” he continued. “They let her know of everything and I… don’t like it.” 

The fresher wanted to ask why, but the other spoke again without him having to say his thoughts out loud.

“She…” he took a deep breath before continuing. “Thinks it was my fault for getting raped.” 

Jaejoong almost flipped the entire table. How could a mother think like that? There was not enough angriness to express what he felt. 

“So, she always has tried to control me that way, but I have been hurt so many times that it doesn’t hurt me anymore,” he confessed. There was a difference between his mom and Shownu. He has been throughout the pain for so many years it was numb - if Shownu betrayed him, he wouldn’t be able to take it.

He would kill himself.

The numbness only lasts for so long, there was no way he could numb what he felt for Shownu. That’s the reason why he was so afraid to open up to him. It has been so hard for him to admit half of his feelings and to accept that if something were meant to happen, he would lose his life.

He didn’t know how to detach. He wasn’t taught. He depended way too much on his mother, and that is the main reason he never wanted friends. He was afraid of becoming toxic and surrounded people with his negativity.

However, his thoughts went away when Jaejoong asked him another question. 

“You don’t want her to know about anything regarding Shownu, and I will help you,” said Jaejoong and he briefly grabbed his hand. “I will not mention anything and if they ask, I’ll say I am your boyfriend.”

Kihyun looked at him nervously.

“Trust me - she can’t do anything,” were his words. He was being truthful. His family was powerful enough to make anyone downfall. Not only they held the country high on their shoulders, but they had a lot of people covering their backs in a good way. 

And Jaejoong knew that Kihyun wanted to ask why.

“My grandfather is the Attorney General.” 

He saw Kihyun doing a small ‘o’.

“I am sure your parents have power, but not as much as my grandfather.”

“My dad… is the only one that works,” said the second-year student. “He is a powerful one. Well, not like your grandfather, but he works in HGM Electronics. He is the Head of the Engineering Department.”

“Oh, that is interesting,” replied Jaejoong with a smile. “How come you choose a completely different major?” 

“I never liked Engineering,” confessed the second-year student. “My mother was against it, my father did not care. He told me that as long as I went to university, he was okay.” 

“As long as you like it, I guess that would be fine.” 

“It’s… complicated,” mentioned Kihyun. “I like International Studies. It is very broad and you can work internationally. I want to leave the country as soon as I finish.”

“What about Shownu?”

Kihyun felt silent, he did not know how to ask that question. He would never dare to ask the other to follow him. He wasn’t that selfish. And also, he would never cut his wings. Shownu has to remain here - not somewhere else.

“It might be too soon, I understand - but Shownu loves you dearly. And for me, we are adults - once you turn eighteen, you have a lot to earn but you can also make your own decisions. I know he would not think twice before leaving with you; that is how much he loves you.” 

And it scared Kihyun to no end.


	23. Chapit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the end for notes.

Jaejoong was at his usual practice. The team wasn’t active due to some floodings around the area. They continued to practice from time to time, but a bunch of people was missing. They were not going to risk their lives and Jaejoong was in sole agreement. However, it did delay them. But he hoped the others could catch up quickly. In the next month, the preliminaries would start. The most prestigious universities with their best teams would battle against each other. There were 20 universities in total that will fight for the championship. 

At least, most of the college students were gossiping about the upcoming challenge and the floodings, the theme about his almost-nude IG pictures was tossed to the side. He continued to have comments and lustful looks, but it wasn’t as bad as before. He also piggy-backed Kihyun a lot, who was surrounded by bodyguards to feel a bit more protected.

Not to mention the punishment his grandfather gave him. He cut his allowance for almost a half, which he did not mind because he tried his best to not spend as much. He wasn’t like his brother, who always asked for more. He saved for himself in case of emergencies and tried to cut down his costs. After all, it wasn’t his money - it was his family’s money. Everything he had was thanks to them. He owed nothing.

The only thing he could do was to be appropriate, behave as supposed, and have good grades. They did not ask him to do this, but it was expected due to the nature of his family’s background.

He was running around the court with his team when he saw a very familiar glimpse coming to the area. He saw the people in front of him halting in a domino effect and he wondered what was happening.

Until he saw his brother with a triumphant smile on his face.

“Hello!” he greeted them, watching as the others highly responded to his salute. Others were just polite - he wasn’t stupid.

But the one who did not greet him at all was his good-for-nothing brother.

Not like he missed him. Heck, he only came to see if he could take him out of the volleyball team once and for all. The team might be a bit biased towards Yunho and he might not be the captain anymore, but he knew how to control and make them fall to his wishes. And he had a plan.

He just needed to execute it pretty well.

“Hey, you,” he pointed at Jaejoong, his attitude not flattering. “Don’t be disrespectful.” 

Jaejoong was about to roll his eyes but swallowed his pride. He did a small bow but did not exchange any words with him. 

“Asshole,” muttered Ohmke to himself before seeing Yunho coming towards him.

“Another asshole.”

“I received the news,” said a serious Yunho. They didn’t end in the best way possible, so he decided he would try to maintain his distance as much as he could. Ohmke was deemed to be dangerous and manipulative, something he knew ever since he met him, but tolerated due to his position in the team. However, he wasn’t in those terms anymore. He was the captain and Wonho was his sub-captain. They were still in the talks of choosing their substitutes and by rules, it won’t be Ohmke. He was in the internship process - he would only be there for the championship.

Which is why they reinstated him.

The Sports Club deemed that he was an ace and has been capable of holding the time ever since his first year. He has been a part of the club and has brought a lot of joy and recognition. They did not agree with the coach’s position but did agree to leave him out of the mandatory decisions.

Unfortunately, that meant that one of his team players had to switch with him constantly to make him be part of the main team, which he disliked. He did not agree to it, but one of the main players was Ohmke’s best friend and he would definitely agree to change inequality, but he knew Ohmke would not accept that. He wanted to be the protagonist always. 

“Welcome back,” was Yunho’s greeting, extending his hand to the other. Ohmke shook his hand briefly, but they both knew it was only a cordial exchange. Wonho saw it all, having to be beside Yunho due to being the vice-president of the club. 

He wasn’t liking this. 

“Alright, team!” said Yunho and clapped a few times to get their attention. Two of the main players were missing and most of the bench team was out as well. “Most, if not all of you, remember Ohmke. He was reinstated back and will be part of the main team. He will switch with Neua - meaning that in every set, they will decide which one will participate and which one will not. That would be a decision between them and not us.”

_ Fuck, _ said Jaejoong in his head. That was going to be extremely troublesome.

Shownu walked towards Jaejoong, who was on the very back of the small crowd. He noticed his unhappiness.

“You two don’t get along, right?” whispered the second-year student and Jaejoong simply let out a sigh as a response.

“I cannot believe you managed to hide this entire time the fact that he was your brother,” continued the tallest. “You have different last names.” 

“A complicated story,” was the fresher’s response. “It will be chaos with both of us.” 

“Well, I’ll defend you to no end if needed,” responded Shownu. “I don’t like his aura.” 

“I have lived with him enough to know the same,” replied Jaejoong.

After Yunho’s speech, the team was divided as evenly as possible to start their usual practice. Ohmke was with Neua and the other three people. Yunho was in the same team as Shownu, Wonho, and Jaejoong. They had to cover two bases in each court, but they were ready and the practice needed to continue.

It was game on.

And Jaejoong knew it would be the beginning of his nightmare. Ohmke continued to play against him and smirked from time to time. He always served towards him and tried to do the killing part when he was in front. He took advantage that he was taller, but Jaejoong was smarter. Yunho saved most of those while he bluffed him off. He noticed Ohmke was beyond pissed and was irritating his team members as well.

After the last set, Ohmke exploded towards him.

“Yah!” he screamed and ran towards him, pushing him hard enough to make him fall. The other was no weakling, but he did not expect that reaction from him - at least not that fast and definitely not in front of everyone. 

**“Hey,”** intervened Yunho, his voice being slightly annoyed at his reaction. “No physical altercations. This is not a boxing arena.” 

“First, he barely greeted me, and second - he continued to hide behind you to do the killings. He is supposed to respond! He can’t hide behind you every single time!” 

“That’s the strategy, Ohmke,” refuted the president. “Or did you forget you used to do it all the time?” 

Some of the members laughed, but that only infuriated the ex-president more. 

“At least I always got the highest rankings and I was never a pussy behind someone who has a girlfriend.” 

Jaejoong clenched his fist and was about to punch him in the face when Shownu grabbed his waist, stopping him from doing something stupid.

How the fuck did the notice and how on earth did he dare to mention that when he has never done something towards Yunho? He has never told him his feelings or tried to make him break up with his girlfriend. The love he had was for himself and he was more than fine being his friend - he has never tried something else. He would never dare to, he respected relationships.

He might have no recall of the night he posted those pictures, but he was sure that he would never try to even touch the man. Only in his wildest dreams.

“Enough,” said Wonho, knowing how much of a shock those words were to Yunho. “Practice is dismissed, we will see each other tomorrow.” 

Ohmke wanted to say more, but Neua obligated him to leave the court by basically pushing him out of the way. Shownu proceeded to grab Jaejoong and take him away from there as well, not allowing him to look back.

Jaejoong felt the tears falling from his eyes and he was grateful that the other was quick enough to make him leave before his heart fell to pieces.

The president wanted to go after Jaejoong but Wonho grabbed his arm, not allowing him to leave the court that easily.

“Please…”

“No, Yunho - he had enough,” said Wonho as he felt Yunho’s regretful gaze and sad eyes looking at him.

“He’s my friend,” replied the tallest, but the vice-president was firm in his decision.

“You are also confused - you still have a girlfriend. I have noticed a lot, Yunho - but this is not up to me to make speculations. You need to tell me what is happening in that brain of yours.” 

Yunho stopped to think. He has been hiding his confusing feelings but he thought he would be hated. How could he be this way when he had a stable relationship? How could he be having second thoughts when he was sure he still loved Gina? 

“Ever since you met him, you spent less time with Gina and you guys were unbreakable,” he started to tell him, the court empty without anyone to listen to their heartbreaking conversation. “Every time I ask you about her, you say something different than before, you were excited to share about what was your last adventure with her. I barely see you with her.” 

“I don’t know,” replied in a whisper the president. “I don’t know what happened when it came to this point. She has asked me several times as well and I always try to evade her question. I love her…” 

“But do you?” asked Wonho. He wasn’t being harsh, he was being truthful. He wanted Yunho to admit that he was confused and there was nothing wrong with that - he was sure he had not cheated on her.

And as he expected, there was no response from Yunho. 

“You need to figure it out, Yunho - she does not deserve to be cheated. No one does. Don’t cheat on her, whatever you do, don’t do it.” 

Yunho sadly smiled but sighed. “I will think about it.” 

For Wonho, that was enough, but Yunho knew that his answers were just vague words. 

It took him time to remember, but he made love to Jaejoong. He remembers that night vividly and every time he sees Jaejoong, he wants to make him his over and over again. He wants to kiss him senseless and bury himself again inside him. When he does it with Gina, it’s not the same, he doesn’t feel the same.

He has never felt with her what he felt when he embraced Jaejoong in his arms as he screamed his name. He has never felt that tingling sensation in his stomach every time he saw Jaejoong. He has never felt like dying when Shownu hugged the other. 

But that would be his secret for eternity - no one would ever know that the night he blacked out, he made Jaejoong his.

“I think you need a couple of beers,” mentioned Wonho as he patted his back. “My treat. Let’s call Gina and Minhyuk. Let’s grab our stuff,” were his last words before he walked towards the locker room, knowing that Yunho needed a bit of time for himself.

Yunho nodded, watching Wonho’s back disappearing.

He went to his pocket, where he had his phone safely secured. His exercise pockets had an extra feature and although he rarely used them, he had his phone in case of emergency. He was waiting for a call from his mother for dinner.

And he regretted it.

He regretted his thoughts and the fact that he already broke his promise. He already cheated on her and he wasn’t doubting - he didn’t even feel guilty about it.

He just wanted Jaejoong, at least, for the remainder of the night.

He shot him a message that he hoped he replied soon or at least before Wonho noticed.

A couple of seconds later, he saw the reply and smiled, deleting the message afterward.

  
  


_ Jung _

_ I need to speak to you, can we do it alone in your apartment? _

_ JayJay _

_ Yes, after 9 pm. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, this fanfic is coming to an end. It will have 1-2 more parts. The entire series will be named Iridescent (so even though I create a new story, they will be part of this one) but the story has another name. So, this story's name is Find you. The second one is Losing you and the third one (or the epilogue, I have yet to decide), will be named Gaining you. Hope this clears your mind!


	24. Ki

Jaejoong was really anxious and he did not know. Well, deep inside he did, but he didn't want to admit it. It would be hard for him to expose all the feelings he had. He needed to calm down and acknowledge in his mind that it would be a very sporadic conversation about the team and that’s all. Nothing more and nothing else.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the doorbell and he went to open it up. He saw a freshly washed Yunho with casual pants and a tank top. He looked delicious and his mind was not cooperating at this moment. He evaded Yunho as much as he could and even when they spoke to each other, it was always in the club or Kihyun and Shownu were there as well. They usually did not text each other or talk on social media. 

For people, it wouldn’t seem obvious. But for him, it was beyond words. He looked so entitled to not be with him alone that it took more than strength for him to not succumb. 

And when they were alone, it took heart for him to not cry his feelings out.

“Hey,” greeted Yunho and Jaejoong simply smiled. “May I?”

“Yup,” was his response, allowing him to enter his apartment. 

And once the door closed, Jaejoong found himself pinned against the door. The fresher was confused - he didn’t know what to do. He was feeling Yunho’s face too close to his, his succulent lips screaming to be kissed. The moment was not uncomfortable for him, but he wanted to know what was happening.

“Jaejoong, do you like me?” he asked in a straightforward way. 

And the fresher couldn’t answer.

“You've liked me since you met me, right?” continued Yunho, pushing his buttons. “You always appeared calm, serene, and serious when you called me. You always tried to look somewhere else when I was nearby. You are always looking at my social media, but you also put a barrier between us. Why?” 

“You have a girlfriend,” was the only thing his lips could say before Yunho kissed him.

It was wrong. It was so wrong, but he couldn’t think straight. All he wanted was to respond and engulf him with his tongue until he couldn’t breathe.

And he let his heart beat his reason. 

He let Yunho do wonders to his mouth, while his arms found the place they wanted. He surrounded his neck and deepened the kiss. He moaned a bit into his mouth and was becoming breathless when the second year student pulled out, a strain of saliva briefly showing and breaking between them.

Their eyes found each other again and Yunho began to speak in his breathless, raspy voice.

“This is very wrong,” started Yunho. “I should not be kissing you, I should not be here. I am so confused with my feelings, but I want you - I need you....” 

Jaejoong gulped.

What did he want to say?

“Let’s be lovers,” he threw it out - plain and simple.

Jaejoong wasn’t ready for it. Heck, he wasn’t even ready to admit he was contemplating it. He was a closeted gay and his family was powerful, this could be his only one chance to just have a relationship without anyone knowing with the man he wanted since he first laid his eyes on him.

But he didn’t want to hurt Gina. She wasn’t at fault. Why should she suffer? 

His thoughts went away when Yunho grabbed his waist, putting him closer to him.

“I won’t beg you,” said Yunho, their lips extremely close to each other and their eyes connected in the most painful but beautiful way. “If you say no, I’ll ignore this stupid feeling. It is wrong - I know. But I need time. I need time to understand what I really want, but I will hurt you, what if I don’t choose you?” 

That made the fresher wonder. It could happen. Yunho could get tired of him or decide it was a mere attraction and that he truly loved Gina. Would his heart take it? He wasn’t sure himself. He never wanted Yunho like this since he was prohibited. 

But at the same time, no one needed to know. He could hide it as much as he could for as long as it needed. There was no pressure and he didn’t have to be exclusive. 

“I have three conditions,” said the fresher and Yunho was more than willing to hear him. If it made Jaejoong his, he would accept it without any conditions.

“I am insane,” confessed Jaejoong with a slight smile. He was about to be as worthless as ground. He was allowing himself to enter the depths instead of saying no. He knew deep inside he would scar himself to no repair, but he was willing to take the risk.

“If you sleep with Gina, don’t sleep with me on the same day,” he didn’t know why it came to mind, but he didn’t want to feel guiltier than he was already feeling. He hasn’t touched Yunho that way, but the desire will succumb sooner than later. He was sure that the second-year Psychology student would ask him to make love to him.

And he would say yes in a heartbeat.

“I do not want anyone to know,” he continued. “I am sure you will not say it to anyone because this is just crazy and delicate, but when I mean no one, I mean nobody - not even Shownu, Wonho or any of your friends. The same goes to myself.” 

Yunho nodded. That was very reasonable and he could take it.

But somehow, he knew he wouldn’t like the third one.

“I will not be exclusive to you,” was the youngest last condition. “You have to understand that Gina is your official girlfriend and that I am just the side chick,” saying those words hurt him, but he didn’t have any faith to be the official one. He knew that by accepting, he would be digging his own grave.

But he would not let Yunho see how in love he was with him. He had a feeling, that’s why he dared to do that brainless but brilliant move - but he hoped that somehow, he could find someone that he would give his heart, mind and soul.

Jaejoong knew this wasn’t going to turn out well and he just hoped that the secret would remain between the two of them and nobody else would notice. He would try his very best to just keep it that way and do whatever it takes to keep it between his four walls. 

He could lose so many friends by doing this…

Jaejoong sighed, watching Yunho’s solemn expression. “You cannot expect me to be faithful to you when you aren’t doing the same.” 

“I know,” replied the oldest. “It doesn’t mean I like it.” 

“You either take it or leave it,” Jaejoong wasn’t going to bother - he would not change his rules.

“I will only accept if you let me make you mine tonight,” was Yunho’s counterattack and Jaejoong grabbed his neck, kissing him seductively.

And that’s when they both sealed their fate, doing the lowest of things but not caring about anyone’s feelings but theirs.

Jaejoong moaned in the kiss as Yunho grabbed his butt, massaging it firmly. After a bit, the kiss was interrupted due to lack of oxygen and Yunho took the opportunity to click his arms behind Jaejoong’s butt and lift him up, cornering his body against the door while he continued to explore his body, just like he did the night they were completely drunk.

But he would not let Jaejoong know, he would carry that secret until he either decided between Gina and the lovely man he had in his arms.

He heard Jaejoong moan again and his dick was pointy - looking to be satisfied.

And it would soon happen.

He would go inside Jaejoong all night and penetrate him until he forgets his name.

The fresher might have other lovers, but he would make sure he only remembers him every time he is with them.

+++

Shownu had the rest of the afternoon free and he was waiting for Kihyun in a certain studio inside the library. He understood that Kihyun did not want their bodyguards to be present when they were together, although it was kind of annoying. He has never asked Kihyun why they follow him every time, but he had a feeling that his question would be unanswered.

His thoughts were quickly scattered away when he saw his boyfriend entering the small room.

“Hey lovely,” he called him with a smile on his face, while Kihyun’s face became as red as a tomato. 

Shownu smiled broader this time.

The second-year student just sat down beside him, feeling Shownu’s hand intertwining with his. Kihyun felt his lips curving, but he didn’t say anything at all. 

“How was class?” asked the engineering student.

“Boring,” was his response and it was the truth. He did enjoy studying, but he wasn’t fond of Political Science. It didn’t make sense, neither he thought it would actually make a difference for him. 

“You don’t have any other classes, right?” he questioned and Kihyun nodded.

“Do you want to go out and eat somewhere?” 

“Are you okay with me going home and then, waiting for you somewhere else?” asked the International Student. 

“I know you probably won’t answer this, but… why can’t you tell your bodyguards to go somewhere else?” 

Kihyun stayed quiet. He didn’t want to go into details, but at the same time he knew that excuses wouldn’t work. He also needed to be realistic and try his best to keep his secret or it would blow.

And then Shownu would not love him anymore.

He sighed, coming up with the best he could.

“I am not ready to tell my mom or my family,” he began to say. “My mom and my dad are too overprotective and I need some time. My bodyguards have been following me for a long time and they tell everything to my mom as part of their job. When I go outside after coming home, she is not as concerned because she has my phone connected to her with a GPS.”

“That is a bit scary,” shared Shownu. He knew that family dynamics were different, but he felt like it was too much.

_ You wouldn’t understand, _ thought Kihyun. “I have two phones. My dad doesn’t like the fact my mom insisted on a phone for those purposes, so I leave that one in my room and take the other one when I need to go out. My mom does not enter my room.” 

Shownu was thinking about his words. His parents were so controlling that they wanted to know every single one of his movements. However, he always did what he wanted without them knowing. He was smart - just like Kihyun. Perhaps that was the reason he loved him to no end and he would trust that someday, somehow, the other would open his heart for him.

“Let’s do that,” he decided to trust him. “Your favorite place?” 

Kihyun felt his lips smiling more than he wanted, but simply nodded with his head. 

This was enough.

This was more than enough. 

“I do want to ask you,” said Shownu before standing up - Kihyun following his steps. “Do you want to keep this a secret, or do you want to tell people in specific?” 

“I’ll trust you,” replied Kihyun, and he did - even if it hurt him, he trusted him. The engineering student grabbed his waist and pulled him closer to him. Kihyun rested his head on Shownu’s broad chest and closed his eyes. 

He loved this man way too much for his own heart. It was dangerous… but he couldn’t leave him.

  
  
  
  
  


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_ Itshowtime it might be, but don’t say it _

_ Queenoftheater OHHHHHHH the mystery…. _


	25. Capítulo

It has been a couple of months since the volleyball players' little secret and the new romance between the engineering student and the international studies student. They have to say that it has also been chaotic. Shownu and Kihyun were open about their relationship with their close friends, but a lot of people were still wondering who stole the engineering student’s heart. He always published stories about how much in love he was, but it was always of their hands, or matching jackets. He has never shown Kihyun’s face.

Neither would he. 

The reason was that Kihyun was a private person. He didn’t have any friends except for Jaejoong, who was his biggest secret holder. He wasn’t a big fan of Shownu's other friends - especially the female ones. It came thanks to his trauma, but Jaejoong and Shownu always made sure he was either between them or near them. They never left him alone when the other females were around. 

The good thing was that they respected Kihyun’s wishes. They never spoke to him unless he wanted to speak to them and they never pushed him to talk or say something. The second-year student was naturally quiet, so even when he was only with the guys, he barely spoke to them.

He had to say that he enjoyed Minhyuk’s company. There was something about him that he liked. Maybe it was the fact that he was always joyful and full of jokes. Perhaps it was the way he smiled at Wonho, which was a very pretty smile that he could almost smell. 

He wanted the same for Shownu - he wanted to smile at him so sincere that it could carve his heart with his love.

The painful love he had for the engineering student.

But, Kihyun smelt something fishy between Jaejoong and Yunho. It was something that he didn’t dare to ask because he felt like it was none of his business, but he could see the Law student holding a cross - and it was about to fall. 

Kihyun was at Jaejoong’s apartment. It was almost the end of the year for them. Kihyun would need to start looking at possible chances for internship and doing some interviews in his third year and Jaejoong would be hitting his second year soon. The time has passed surprisingly well and it was hard to admit. 

They were playing some UNO before Shownu and Yunho came. Wonho and Minhyuk were also supposed to come, but it was their second anniversary - so that might not happen. Shownu was doing his last exam review before being completely free from University and Yunho had a meeting with his board. He was also part of the Psychology Student Board Team, and there was some important stuff to discuss.

“Fuck,” said Jaejoong when he heard Kihyun said UNO, putting the second-to-last of his card on the table.

Jaejoong dropped a red card, but Kihyun had a change of the color card.

“Oh, c’mon!” said the Law student while laughing. Kihyun only left out a small chuckle. 

“Why are you so good at this? Third match and you have won every single one of them,” announced a very annoyed fresher, not enjoying what was happening.

“Strategy,” replied Kihyun. “All games are strategy and luck-based. This one is based on both - but you can make your own luck if you have the correct cards to win.” 

“Well, there goes Einstein,” was Jaejoong’s reply, a smirk covering his face. “We should play chess. I bet my ass you are amazing with it.” 

“It will take us a couple of hours,” was the other’s response. Jaejoong was a chess master - he participated in some competitions when he was younger. He only played a couple of times, but like the other said - he was pretty good at it too.

“And I also bet that Yunho did checkmate,” said Kihyun, taking the first-year student by surprise.

But he didn’t respond to his allegations.

“Jaejoong,” he called him while he mixed the cards. “You do not need to tell me anything if it is a secret. That is not my intention. But it has been a couple of months - six to be exact since I became Shownu’s boyfriend. At the same time, you stopped talking about Yunho. Your look towards him is very different than before.” 

“When I met you, you looked lost,” he continued, knowing Jaejoong was listening to him. “You looked broken - you knew there was nothing left. You knew he had a girlfriend and it was game over. But ever since something happened within you two, you look at him with passion - like if he was yours.” 

“I am not here to judge you,” mentioned Kihyun. “We have our own secrets,” he admitted and the other knew quite well the one he had that he would never tell Shownu. “But it must hurt you…” 

Jaejoong sighed. He swore to Yunho never to tell their secret and they were very careful. They shared as friends in front of everyone - even his girlfriend. He went out with a couple of guys to hide what he felt, but he always ended in the Psychology student's arms. They made love almost every day, and he moaned his name in wet sheets. They kissed, watched movies - they mostly did the same things as a couple.

But they weren’t.

On this occasion, Jaejoong was the mistress and it was killing him.

But he accepted it, right? He never said no. He never stopped the other from filling him inside. Heck, after the results were out, he let the other savage his asshole, entering bareback. They made it three times that night, the passion they had always increased.

He was hurting. It hurt him to know that he was only there for his satisfaction. Yunho treated him like a prince, but he always went back to Gina.

Always.

And without him noticing, he felt the tears caressing his cheeks. His pain was speaking for him.

Kihyun couldn’t help but sigh. “Jaejoong, you are his lover, right?” 

Jaejoong burst out crying while nodding. Kihyun wasn’t very affective, but he knew the other needed his companion. The second-year student went closer to him and took his hand, caressing it a bit. He didn’t know how the other felt, neither he wanted to be in that position. He had a lot to take and a lot to learn - he didn’t want the other’s pain.

But he was his friend and something he has learned is that he should be there for him. He didn’t have to be following what he did, but he could listen and lend his shoulder from time to time.

That’s what friends were for.

“It pains me…” said Jaejoong, finally letting go of the suffering and love he has held these past months. “That I want him to be exclusively mine… It hurts me… That I cannot be more than a lover… It pains me… To know I am making her suffer when she does not deserve this… It makes me feel dirty… Knowing he also goes to bed with her… and makes love to her…” 

“But what hurts the most is that I don’t regret it…” he confessed, the tears continuously falling. “I don’t regret having him… and yes... I am selfish… Because I want his love - I want him so much… I want him desperately… and I love him…. I need him… but yet… yet he’s confused… And he always tells me that in the end, he will go back to Gina...” 

Kihyun continued to caress his hand. He didn’t have any words to say, but he hoped to transmit a bit of comfort.

However, they did not notice a new person coming inside a room, another one close behind him.

“What?” said Shownu, a surprised Yunho behind him. The second-year student immediately stood up, the other one continuing to cry his heart out. 

He had enough.

“Let’s talk,” was all Kihyun said before he softly grabbed Shownu’s hand and left for another room, closing the door behind them.

Yunho just stood there, not knowing what to do. He knew Jaejoong’s feelings were deep, but he never imagined them to be to that point. The worst thing is that he was as confused as ever, and he couldn’t decide between them. 

He was a coward.

The fresher slowly stood up and walked like a zombie towards his room, closing himself inside it. Yunho had the urge to follow him, but he was no one to do such. Even when Jaejoong loved him that strongly and that needy, there was nothing he could do.

They were just lovers.

Nothing more and nothing less.

Yuno revolted his head in frustration, his eyes filling up with tears.

But they did not notice a different person hearing the entire conversation with a smirk on his face, while his hands worked quickly on his phone - disappearing shortly after.

While on the other side of town, about a year ago, a mysterious figure was sitting down in a dark office. There were bodyguards everywhere and a person with a bunch of money on the luggage. 

“I need my son - simple and easy,” was his recall, putting the baggage in front of the other. “He is an idiot and he is not intelligent - he won’t be able to get into this University.”

“And why do you want him here?” was the question of this particular person. The mysterious silhouette needed to have more information - this was a dangerous process after all.

He proceeded to tell him what an important owner he was, and the career he has built over the years. He continued by bashing his son - how he was never centered and how he always rebelled against him. He could send him to any University, but he was sure none would accept it. Not only was he born shortly on intelligence, but the shame he would suffer if they knew his son was denied in another University. This was the only one that would do him the favor of putting him without much hassle - without the press getting involved. 

“I understand,” was the other person’s response. “You know that if we ever get caught, we would go to jail? Do you understand the magnitude of the scheme you want to go into? Do you understand the consequences?” 

“You have been doing this for years, and not even once they have suspected you,” he said, very confident that they would never get caught. “You are a master - this is why you accept it.” 

“There is always a risk that I have to tell everyone,” was the silhouette’s response. “Everyone involved can fall. I am being transparent.” 

“I accept the consequences,” was his last call before he saw some of the bodyguards going towards the money with a scanner and other stuff he could not see from his seat. After all, there was a crystal between them and he could not see the person behind it. 

But he was sure the other person could see him as clear as water.

“Very well,” replied the mysterious person. “You paid more than necessary, but we will keep it. There is another payment you will need to pay, but we only accept it after the University officially accepts your son. As I said, I am honest - I play dirty with this, but not with my clients.” 

“If it doesn’t go through, I will not give any money back,” continued to say. “The paperwork is dangerous - all we have is our word of mouth. As you know, there is no contract - there is nothing. The only thing I can give you is my word.” 

“I trust you,” was his reply. “You have helped some of my colleagues. This is why I dared to come and meet you.” 

“We are an invitation-only kind of thing,” was the other person’s reply. “We usually do not accept everyone. But I wanted to hear from you how important you were. Of course, we do our research before even responding.” 

The male smiled. “If he goes in, how much will be the payment? I do not mind at all - as you know, I am wealthy but I need to excuse, you know, business.” 

“Of course I do,” was the silhouette’s response. “$3 million.” 

“Deal,” was the male’s response. “I do not need to know how it works - I am not interested. All I need is for you to make it happen.” 

“All we need is your son’s results,” continued the other person. “Once you have them, we will manipulate as needed, but this is mandatory - without this, we will not be able to proceed.” 

“They are in the baggage,” replied the male. “Your bodyguards can search for it.” 

“Very well.” 

And with that conversation, the male was escorted out of the black room. 


End file.
